being is beautiful and hard

Early

2012-02-03T07:04:00.000-08:00

I arrived at school this morning before the doors were open, and people live here.
But I like getting here early, especially because some days the teachers leave at the end of the school day.

I appreciate being at this school so much because it feels like such a supportive environment. I am teaching today and I have been this week, and it has gone well, according to my teachers. Today my FA is visiting and will evaluate me, and I am excited. I get to teach Sr. Band, and we are playing a piece called Foundry by John Mackey, who is a young enough composer to have a blog, which I read yesterday. An interesting fellow, almost typical for someone who is really really into music, but I like having read his blog and gotten a bit of an idea for who he is, I think it will help me approach the piece a bit differently, especially the middle section where it really gets into a groove. It's for found percussion and wind ensemble, and sounds uber industrial, except the middle section which really gets into a rockfish shuffle. Anyways, its very cool and the students really dig it. And so do I.

Our 4th Anniversary was yesterday, I can't believe its been four years, it really doesn't feel like it, but I suppose that is partly due to my amazing wife, and partly due to the fact that we recently moved back to where I used to live before I got married. I guess the only difference is another degree and a couple of kids and a variety of life experience. nbd.

picking education battles

2012-01-13T13:13:00.000-08:00

I have realized something in the past week.
Education, specifically music education, requires one to learn the wisdom of picking one's battles. If I were to stop the band/choir every time they made a mistake and try to fix it right away, not much would get done. I know on the face of it it sounds obvious. However, in the past I used to think (not consciously) that I had to stop and point out each mistake, because I needed everyone to know that I had really good listening skills and I could hear when the saxophones were out of tune (most of the time) which is really unfortunate because it reflects a selfish approach. Instead I want students to have the most efficient and worthwhile learning opportunities, which will happen when I know how best to approach the classroom, the piece, the concept, where it is not about perfecting every detail in the moment but about allowing some discovery, and being available to support learning when students are not following or learning well.

I don't know how I will approach classroom management, because I traditionally have thought I would be tyrannical about silence like some of my mentors were because it was effective, and I still think it can be a really important aspect of the classroom discipline, but I am not sure. I think a balanced approach where there is a time for socializing, specifically in a music classroom, is allowed for the group to forge an identity. However, I think it being designated may be a good way, because then the teacher can still control the time spent in class, and the students are still able to chat, it just has to be managed carefully.

I think being a music teacher has as much to do with administration and team leadership as it does with content knowledge and skill.

Did I mention I am really enjoying this? I am. I am so thankful to God for where we are.

I probably whine sometimes, but my life is far better than I deserve. grace doesn't even begin to describe it. When I think about it properly, my cup is overflowing with good things.

Hopefully I can live in gratitude.

Fotoshop

2012-01-11T21:20:00.001-08:00

A friend from university did this recently. It's gone viral, I'm pretty proud to name drop, but you can see that he did a good job for yourself.

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Community

2012-01-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

I love our St. Herman's community so much, and the comments from the last post are a part of that, I much appreciate you all.

So good to be among friends today, to have our whole family at church (as much as a young family can be at church)

took zeke to the river with everyone to do the blessing of water for theophany, zeke rode his bike everywhere and loved it.

I have felt more high strung than usual lately, which is weird, usually I am pretty calm, and I don't know why. As though things have to be 'just so' but they don't, and it will be ok.

I recently ran out of space in my journal, so I am waiting the next one's arrival in the mail. I found a beautiful cavallini and co journal on amazon for a steal, so that's great. but in the meantime the hamsters on blogger get a better workout while I muse here instead of on paper.

Spiritual discipline is either terribly elusive or looks completely different than I expected it to look, after having seen an obviously effective form of it in Gibsons. I know I am not as intentional as they are, but at the same time I know there is a measure of self denial in the everydayness of life, and perhaps not recognizing it is how it works in us. That said, this healing process is strange, because I had no idea how broken I was inside about the whole teaching thing. I. Love. Teaching. love it. so much so that I know I will be good at it and want to get better at it, and this desire to do it well comes from somewhere so deeply intrinsic that it doesn't matter what I get paid, (which is a big problem I think, teachers are highly undervalued by society, sadly, because the passionate commitment that many have enables low-ish pay)
but as long as its enough, I will be happy to have the opportunity to form minds, shape world views, and hopefully help young people become adults in a way that benefits our society, when so many are just happy with bread and circus. (did I mention I am excited for the hunger games?)

Practicum

2012-01-06T21:33:00.000-08:00

It's going well. I can't believe I seriously considered not even starting this. It has healed so many of the acidic feelings of the last year.

I hope I never see my high school band teacher again, and if I do I will not pretend to like him or be nice, but at this point the damage that they did seems temporary, and perhaps even still for good in the end, of course in one of those ways that I will never be able to know about. Lord have mercy.

And my piano playing, which was an issue, is better.

And while the bitterness subsides, I am still not over it completely, it's a deep scar.

But the students at STMC are amazing, and the teachers are fantastic. They know their stuff, and they have such a healthy, balanced approach to teaching. I think the students are learning so much about music and about life in a good way. It is also a school with a really healthy atmosphere, very collegial and very supportive. To the extent that I often do an internal double take regarding their mutual support (the students)

Its really nice to be a part of, even briefly.

IN other news, Amelia is gaining weight nicely, and a few folks have brought us supper which has been helpful because L is home alone all day with two little ones, and I get home and just want to play with the kids, so its nice. thank you !

And theophany this weekend! 4 years since Laurenn was baptized. coming up on our 4th anniversary, which is kind of surprising, it really doesn't feel that long ago.

The Hunger Games//Practicum

2012-01-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for this movie.

And Tomorrow I start my practicum. Nervous and Excited. Lord have mercy.

Ciksetmihail's Flow

2011-12-28T10:11:00.000-08:00

I am sure I have spelled wrong, but there's a researcher out there with a crazy double name who is all the rage in education because of his concept 'flow'

I think maybe he's a psychologist, but the ed people have adopted him, especially arts education.

Now, I think one of the main problems with public education is the inability of most teachers to challenge their students enough to get them in the zone where they flow. (Flow means that you are working at the top level of your capacity because the challenge matches your ability just right. Its not too boring or too hard, and you are working hard at it and end up losing yourself in the moment and becoming immersed in whatever you are doing)

I think students love this state, which is why they do other things, such as mountain biking, skateboarding, listening to music loud while doing homework, etc. I think its partly why extreme sports are so popular, because mastering them allows for intense moments of flow, but it is also why group sports and music ensembles have the potential to be popular, because this can happen there too.

The problem is that the system is set up for the lowest common denominator, and to meet standards, not to engage students at their highest level.

I think the system could engage students on so many different levels, but because of how it is set up, it won't be able to adapt for a while yet. I hated high school and found most of it meaningless, now I wish I had done chemistry in high school and university, but I thought it was completely useless. Same with Math. Now I wish someone had shown me how it connected to life, to work. But the teachers were working within a broken system, so its not only their fault, but there were a few teachers who were completely inspiring and they straddled the line between being within the system and totally eschewing it.

Choral Music for Mixed Voices

2011-12-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

I think what I really would like to do this new year is start a mixed voice choir. I would like to invite anyone who currently sings in the St. Hermans Church Choir to be a part of it, (and if you aren't and want to sing, let's chat, I'm not a tyrant-except during rehearsals) and I would like to do sacred music that is not from the Orthodox tradition. I will post a few examples below.

This will be for people who love to sing and want to learn more.

Some of the pieces I would like to sing include things like:

How, when and if this happens depends on a few things, not least of which includes interest. If we had six people that would be enough, but more would be welcome. Perhaps every two weeks (opposite my current choral commitments) or on sundays, or...we'll see.

If you read this, and are interested, let me know on a sunday.

Obviously we are also about to have a baby, so this won't be top of my mind for the next few weeks, but I was thinking January would be a good time to start something like this.

I also appear to be starting a second practicum in January/February, so that may also preclude this starting too soon, but I do want to move it from the back burner to a more front and centre burner.

looking forward to a festive glass with you all soon,

Group Voice Lessons At St. Hermans

2011-11-03T14:47:00.001-07:00

Now Offering!

Group Voice Coaching, see St. Herman blog.

that is all.

2011-10-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about career a lot lately. listening to Dave Ramsey show often, changing the way I think about money. I look forward to finishing and being a teacher, but I am less worried about having a really gratifying career, which I know teaching would be, than I am about paying off my student loans and taking care of my family. My priority is taking care of my family, and if I have a job that I can enjoy, that will be a great bonus. I feel like the disney dream of everyone deserves a job that they feel fulfilled every moment of the day is the same as the naive ideal we learn about in american rom-com movies where the emotional state of a relationship is the only thing that matters. feelings. I became orthodox so I wouldn't worship my feelings, positive or negative, and I think that applies to career the same way it applies to marriage and everything else. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be married to L and I think being a music teacher would/will be wonderful, but I think it is possible to approach these things with a balanced view, where we hold it all in tension. If I don't end up being a music teacher, but can provide for my family, I will be content. Also, I want to live somewhere I can have chickens and maybe a goat. Having built a chicken coop and having our own supply of food was such a gratifying experience, It felt like I was succeeding at taking care of my family. I don't mind my current job but I don't feel like its enough. I wish I had know some of these things when I was younger, road regrets maybe. repentance, to change the way one thinks, it seems much less an emotional process now than when I was young. I would have done things so differently. Zeke and I have been building blocks this morning, so I will get back to the important work of toddler construction/destruction.

2011-09-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

had chickens. I was wrong about bylaws, so had to give them back. we traded them for some eggs, and we'll get them back when we move. I love living at the church, but am sad not to have them. This morning, while chasing them to get them together to go, I found a nest where they had laid 15 eggs that I had not found. I used to search for them just in case, but mostly they laid in the coops I built, which was gratifying. Recently I have felt success in my living off the land endeavours. I had chickens, they were happy. I caught four pink salmon, smoked two of them and have baked two others (yum!) I recently harvested more hops than I could ever use from a wild vine I found at work.

chickens!!!

2011-08-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

three exclamation marks!!! just like archie comics!!! WE HAVE THREE CHICKENS!!!

www.flickr.com/photos/pasivirta should get you to a couple of pictures of our three lovely hens, who are currently resting after a stressful transition. I think they might see their house as a bit too small, I imagine I will enlarge it soon, I thought it would be big enough, and I am sure it will suffice in the short term, but it does seem to be just barely enough for the three of them.
we have to rhode island reds and a white chicken of sorts, and they are all large and laying hens.
I am excited.

I also have many new audiobooks to listen to at work this week, as well as pimsleurs russian mp3s. thanks V for the idea.

I just hope the chickens can get used to the noise of our place, the road is noisy, much noisier than their previous digs out in aldergrove.

oh, and looks like I may have found a practicum for the fall, will keep you posted on the specifics when it is more certain.

Z has a new habit, sleeping on the floor, imagine if it was a precursor to monasticism. hilarious. we were at the monastery this weekend for the feast, it was glorious, we even had a rare minute (literally) to visit with them after friday vespers. I miss them, but they seem much healthier now that they don't have an inundation of visitors. Good for them, and if we believe in prayer, good for us too.

Missed K at church today, apparently he is ill. I finally mowed half of the lawn, Z loved being on the riding mower.

exciting

2011-08-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

I love our new house, (new to us, we don't own it, no matter)

we live at the church, and its awesome. built a chicken coop, very excited, practicing piano, had a good practice the other day which felt inspiring. work has been busy. I think there's a very good reason people only work 8 hours a day, I don't get enough family time working two jobs (when there's lots of work)

listening to podcasts from Dave Ramsey and William Lane Craig and Stumbling Homestead right now. good stuff.

and z had an epic bail at the Ryder Lake BBQ, I think it made him a little gun shy, head over heels down a hill into a thistle.

better yet, for the first time, he sang along with the theotokion last thursday, perhaps one of my favourite moments in recent history. Having a family is great, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Summer? Work/School/Church

2011-06-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

I became orthodox about 6 years ago now, I am shocked its been so long, though Zeke is two and a bit and I thought it was last week that Laurenn and I met. Time has been going faster, and I know I posted this idea before, but the older we get the faster time goes, because a year in a 30 year old's life is only 1/30th of a year, but in a 10 year old's life, it is much longer, therefore slower.
It feels like things are going to be ok. I have never been as emotionally devastated in life as by failing practicum. I haven't lost any people very close to me, thankfully, (in case you wondered) but this has been trying.
I sometimes lie awake at night, remembering all of the ways in which those responsible for me shirked their responsibilities, and how I want to leave flaming bags of feces on their doorsteps for the rest of their days. in fact, what a great business idea for entrepreneurially minded rebellious teens...
anyways. What really irks me is that nobody has even once acknowledged that there might have been an error on the part of anyone other than me. I fully admit that I need to learn things, and that there were things that didn't work well. But, this was a relationally difficult situation that had many more than two sides, and if it had been entirely my fault, it should have been evident from the beginning, but they didn't tell me until the final week. clearly I am still angry.

in other news, my garden is growing well, despite being in pots, and soon it will be transplanted to Langley, which makes me happy. I love vancouver, and all of my vancouver people, and I really dearly cherish how close we are to my parents, but it will be good to live closer to a church. really close. and we'll have a real yard, and garden space too.

I like the cool weather, because summer is all about work. When I am old I will relax.

I miss the monks, I really have been moving so constantly and I really want to slow down, but it seems like we can't afford it. not just financially, but because L has been so sick (and is feeling much better these days, which is great) I have been going at full blast for a long time and it is now a habit. Time to slow down is rare and difficult to force myself to take. especially because I feel insecure about my practicum in the fall, a bit anyways, so I practice piano every spare moment (of which there are few, as anyone with a toddler will tell you)

We got Z a little Run bike, and he loves it. Its great.

L and I had a little getaway to whistler a little while back, that was really nice. it was slower, breathing time. we won a radio contest on shore 104.3 which is a cool station. I even got to meet Bill Courage, a longtime favourite DJ of mine, who has an AMAZING voice. and he's funny.

Incidentally, we are selling our Digital SLR, if any of you intrepid readers are interested in a Sony a200 camera, let me know.

Also, I get to work for Bert Vane again, which is kind of cool. I like working outside.

Being an adult sure is tiring.

Sometimes I think I should eventually become an education professor so I can make sure that what happened to me never happens to anyone (at least in a small sphere of influence) because it really was unnecessary. That said, I really am done with school.

oh! and I have recently started listening to Dave Ramsey podcasts, he's an american evangelical radio host who talks a lot about money, and his schtick is all about being debt free, and I really like that idea, so I think it is helping shift my worldview about money. We, like Greece, are implementing austerity measures, but don't plan on rioting. just whinging a bit.

public again

2011-06-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

Soooo, going back to the public domain. flip flopping, sure.

did I mention that Zeke is cute?

disgrace

2011-06-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

The fact that people in vancouver a) take hockey so seriously and b) feel so entitled makes me sick.

tired

2011-05-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

well, I am working again, which is good. and tired.

Laurenn is not quite as sick, though still completely exhausted. she doesn't seem to think she is doing too much better, but her tone of voice and her ability to tolerate the crazy lovely 2 year old has grown, so things are more peaceful, if nothing else.
and now I go to practice piano.

practicum pt 2

2011-05-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

So...

I spoke with the Dean today, and they said that I can redo my practicum in september, which is nice, because Laurenn is due in December, and I know that trying to do a practicum with an infant would be a bad idea. hard enough with a toddler, but two young kids? sheesh.
I do have to pay for it, the reports are damning enough that they see my lesson planning as a threat to my ability to teach. I worked quite hard at improving the way I did planning throughout the practicum, and my lesson plans improved drastically. Not enough they said.

So perhaps we try again in September. now to find work for the summer, which I had been waiting to do because I thought I would be finding more permanent work outside the education field. It is not all decided, Laurenn is too sick to carry on much of a conversation, but this 'seems best to us and to God' (as it were) so I suspect that is how it will play out.

Existentialism and the Womb

2011-05-08T00:07:00.000-07:00

So, this is a little from left field, but here it is.

If life starts in the womb, then it makes sense that the soul is educated about boundaries as safety early on, because the person who is being developed in safety and security is surrounded by a loving boundary of life giving person. The person is the boundary, and it is existentially impossible to break that boundary.
If life however, starts outside the womb, there is no such thing as a boundary in the context of the first developments of the human, but merely the terror of brightness, or something, and if so, why should a baby cry, there is nothing to have experienced before birth.
Community is also inextricable from existence, the person cannot function without a) the boundary and b) the other who is giving and sustaining. The loving mother, careful one who suffers her own body for the process.

(musings from pregnancy)

See you tomorrow, or this morning!

Life

2011-05-07T11:54:00.001-07:00

Alright Folks,

here is the first protected update.

I failed my practicum. I am currently appealing because the practicum handbook states that "if failure is contemplated, the student teacher must be on probation by the 8th week" and I seemed to be doing well and succeeding well into the 10th week. So...while there are other issues as well, they very clearly didn't follow procedure. I also believe that their assessment practices were what got me into this place to begin with. If they had assessed me properly when I arrived, they would have been able to tell me exactly where to improve and to what standard. So there were a few problems with the way the practicum went, not least of which was the fact that I thought I was doing well for so much of it. My favourite class was 55 grade 9 students. FIFTY FIVE! there is a reason class size is legislated, but music teachers can ask for more because of the different types of music which will suit larger or smaller groups. Anyways, I had no trouble keeping them engaged, and they really enjoyed our time together, as did I. I got quite teary when I had to see them after I had failed, and I didn't speak so as not to break down, but they all told me that they missed me and wished I could stay, so I waved and tried to communicate that I really appreciated my time with them. I had other classes that I enjoyed as well, but they were my favourite. It was so weird.

I must take responsibility for the negative things that happened, I lost my keys, I lost a paper copy of a lesson plan (but I had my computer so I had a back up copy, but my teachers don't believe in computers apparently), I was late putting marks into the computer, but again that was a communication error between my sponsor and myself, which I of course was at fault for.

I definitely should have been playing piano more each day, and I will continue to work at that, but that is the sort of content knowledge that grows throughout a career, AND should have been assessed at the beginning.

anyways, at this point I am not going to do it right away this coming january, because it would be too financially stressful for our family. I know that being a music teacher can fall into the category of 'calling' or 'vocation' without much doubt for me, but I know that my priority is to take care of my family. Which, is growing.

Laurenn is due in December sometime, which is exciting, we are very happy, well, except that she is super nauseous all the time and will be for 12 more weeks (if last time was any indicator) it is better this time though, as we realize that blood sugar levels affect nausea, so we are careful to have no sugar around, no simple carbs etc, whereas last time we gave her lots of ginger ale and soda crackers and wondered why she was so sick all the time. oh man. anyways, no hospital trips yet, thank God.

I am looking for career type work at this point, knowing that I can go back to my practicum again at some point, but if I find career type work in the meantime, I will happily take it and stabilize the financial side of my family life. We have been poor students for too long, and its time for some stability. I am participating in a strategic job search program in cloverdale starting in June, so that will be good, and in the meantime I will be doing odd jobs as I can't be employed to be elgible to participate in the program. I also am working with the foster kids on call like I did before when I was living in langley. Thank God I have been given 4 shifts (24 hours) in the last week or so, which means we will survive for the time being, hopefully I get a few more as the month continues.

pray for us,

password

2011-05-01T23:28:00.001-07:00

Hi All,

I am going to make this a protected blog, but I am happy to share with you, the reader, the password.
shoot me a message however you like, but in a week or so, this will no longer be public (at least that is my current plan)

difficult

2011-04-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

Things are a bit tough right now.

My practicum is not going so well, for a variety of reasons.

One of the reasons is unclear communication. I have tried to take the blame or ownership because it seems expedient, but the truth of the matter is that there are expectations that I have not fulfilled because I didn't know they were expectations.
If they had told me to do x, y, or z, I would have done it.

It's a tough spot.

Pascha and Holy week went well, I think. It was nice. sadly Laurenn has been sick so she didn't make it to church this week.

2011-04-18T23:56:00.001-07:00

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phew

2011-04-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

tired.

there's a lot going on.

Sharing the conducting responsibilities for Holy Week? Check.
Final Two weeks of practicum/B.Ed? Check.
Sick Family? Check.

tired.

ugh

2011-04-06T23:17:00.001-07:00

Have I mentioned my disdain for self-referential art? please note, let the record state, it is nigh impossible to make art of something like this.

Grateful

2011-04-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

As I enter yet another year, I am grateful. I have been given much, health, security, hope, but most importantly, Love.

and I mean it. Whenever I doubt God or wonder if its possible that God doesn't exist, I try to figure out where love originated. Some people call it chemicals in our brain, and some call it math, and no doubt they both are a part of it, but they fail to explain the origin of selfless love, and a satisfactory answer other than Jesus has not shown up yet, so I continue to go to church even when I don't feel like it, so that if nothing else, by my actions, I remind myself that I am and try to become more, thankful.

and now to show my son that gratitude is what its all about. Even though I do act entitled from time to time.

24/7 education/communication

2011-02-19T23:23:00.000-08:00

Well,
here it is.

As teachers, we are meant not to be 'friends' on facebook, with our students. I think that is wise, I don't necessarily want to get into religious debates with them about orthodoxy, or try to explain why its okay to smoke cigars once in a while but that cigarettes are bad for you. I mean, I would happily have that discussion with my own students in the right context, but I am a student teacher and won't have my 'own' students for a good long while, it seems, though who knows.
That said, I keep on thinking about things I want to tell them, compliments I want to pay them and things I want them to think about for next week, or parts of the music they should focus on. Things that I think they could find out easily enough when they are on facebook anyways, why not have a little update from this or that class pop up in their newsfeed? I think it would make education a more realistic part of their lives. We talk about Education as though it matters, but in its current state it is being left behind quite quickly by the rapid advances in communications technology. People will adopt these new media as fast as they can afford to, and the school boards and districts can't afford to let their students be at a disadvantage because of a lack of understanding of what exactly the meaning and value of this connectedness is or has for education. Sure, someone somewhere will abuse it, but that would happen with or without the internet. The internet, like a book, or a hammer, has no moral stance. It is not a person with a moral capacity and choices to make. Sure, it facilitates a lot of bad stuff through anonymity, sure, it allows for people to make money and is largely an economic engine, but it is not a morally capable entity.

Schools need to embrace technology and the government needs to fund it, otherwise, our students will be behind those in countries where educators have already recognized the value of technology in the classroom.

old video

2011-02-12T23:11:00.001-08:00

http://www.christodeklerk.com/page/84/

A video of Zack Rock's Bachelor party. I am putting this here so I don't lose it, its hard to find.

before contact

2011-02-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

These people in the amazon apparently currently are living 'before contact'. In the video, the fellow says they should have the choice about whether they want to be contacted or not, but I don't think its possible for anyone to know what 'contact' means until after it happens. These folks have a particular understanding of the world, and for anyone to come from a different place, whether that is a religious, intellectual or geographic place, is going to change their world.

The question then, is will they be benefitted by contact? and what is benefit? is technology going to make their lives better? knowing about the outside world? I think they live in wonderful bliss, and we should just leave them alone. Protect their land from anyone, that would be great.

From a missionary standpoint? if they have lived for so many thousands of years without contacting anyone, and they have a relationship of some kind with God. If God is a loving God, and they wanted to be right with Him, we can assume things are alright.

Vancouver

2011-01-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

Is a really really beautiful city.
I am thankful to be here.
the sunset last night made the sky blood red and mountains a beautiful alpenglow pink. amazing. all the way to Baker.

school/christmas/vancouver/liquidbreadbreakfast

2010-12-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

we live in vancouver. I can't wait to actually live in vancouver. we move in on the 31st. I am so tired. manual labour is good but so tiring. we have had VIBeisbock for breakfast every day this week (at work, not my parents house) and its fun, but I think its going to lose its charm after the fourth day. I look forward to having Prof. P at our house for Christmas. Also I think I get to see JR tomorrow, which is cool.
Also looking forward to being at school, can't wait!

Almost Done/Ode to Victoria

2010-12-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

Well, we are almost done here. I have lived here for just a little more than three years, and its been beautiful. I love Victoria, its pretty, its clean, its small. The gardens here are amazing, people have so much time to garden. Its inspirational. It really is quite clean, I understand why people come here to visit and just look around, its comfortable and feels safe. It's small enough that maybe once a week I see someone I know on the street or on the bus or driving a bus. more often in the summer when I was working downtown, but its not rare to see someone I know without intending to. Its nice.

There's a funny phenomenon here, where when you live in victoria, driving 45 minutes seems like an insane amount of time to spend in your car, unless you are leaving and returning to civilization. What I mean is, when you drive for 45 minutes, you are likely or required to pass through land that is likely to have Elk or Bears living there and not humans. Whereas when you drive 45 minutes in vancouver, its just not a big deal. a switch is flipped and its no problem to drive 45 minutes even to get cheaper gas, cheese and milk (across the border anyway)

of course I will miss the ocean. I know its not that far when I am in vancouver either, but in esquimalt, we could walk across the street and be at the ocean. It was pretty great. there were often seals playing in the water a couple hundred yards from our window. too bad we had a hedge.

I will miss my people from UVIC, but I won't really miss UVIC itself. Its way too left wing for anyone's good. All of the policies that are rooted in some well meaning desire for equality and social justice have made a mess of things. My building, Maclaurin, used to have a Tim Hortons inside it. INSIDE MY BUILDING. now we have a little crapateria that has mediocre food that costs more than tim hortons. granted the coffee is better, but that's not saying much. And don't get me started on the UVSS and their other policies.

Some of my professors have been great, and some have been found wanting. I think I received a decent education here, so that's good.

I will also miss the kabuki kabs job that I had in the summers. That was a lot of fun.

Most of all, I will miss our church. All Saints has become our home, and I will be sad to leave it. We will be back no doubt, but its still a sad thing to do. Zeke was born and baptized here, took his very first steps while in church on a sunday morning during a homily, the four of us who noticed were astonished and very excited. I like that it was in church that he took his first steps.

Students, Bullying, Homophobia and Christian Charity

2010-10-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is exactly right, but I hope so. This is a blog post in support of Gay Rights, despite my conservative Christian values.

Christians should be the first to defend anyone who is being unfairly treated, regardless of the reason. There have been a few students lately who have committed suicide due to being picked on in school. killed themselves. dead. This seems to be more likely in america, but no doubt we canadians are no better at defending those who get picked on. I am a Christian, and Christians take certain things for granted (broad strokes are impossible, I know but so be it)
One of the things we take for granted is that God created, and God created with intent. certain things have certain uses, purposes if you will. Sexuality and Gender is way too big for one blog post, millions of litres of ink have been spilled, and I don't intend to explain clearly the orthodox position on gender and sexuality, except to say that we take the bible seriously and can't get away from the truth that homosexual activity is not what God intended when he made people.

HOWEVER.

I think it is more important for Christians of any stripe to BE THE FIRST to defend people, whether they are gay, straight, unsure, of some visible ethnic minority or majority, mean, nice, wealthy, poor, etc etc etc from such stupidity as bullying.
Especially with young people who are struggling with their sexuality, such as being a teenager and LGBT, we need to be as loving as is humanly possible. Yes, I am being a bit didactic, but I think the church has failed miserably in extending our loving arms to everyone. we say that the church is a place where everyone is accepted, except 'the gays'.

here's my ideal situation. I have a job (lets pretend best case scenario here, right?) at a high school, and at said high school there is a christian fellowship club, they meet at lunch hour, and a gay/straight alliance club, also meeting at lunch hour. The Christian club gets together and they say "hmmm, how can we let our fellow students know that we love them even if we are ideologically in opposition to them?" "I know, lets go to their meeting, and tell them that we are sorry for the horrible acts of christians in the past, and that we will do what we feel we can to support them as people" "what would that look like?"
"well...I don't know, I don't think I could do the gay pride parade, that might be too much, but I want to make sure that other christians don't challenge their right to have the parade" "what else" "hmmmm, well, we could tell them that we support the reality that everyone should have the same legal rights"

Or something. I really don't know, but what I do know is that God loves everyone. Gay, straight, whatever, and its not fair to the gay community that they keep on getting put down in the name of our Loving God because they are sinners. because dammit so are we. and pointing fingers really will just keep us from being able to see our own sin, which really, from your point of view should be more important than pointing out someone else's.

honestly? What would Jesus do? would he bully kids because they were gay? no way. would he defend them and love them? yes.

Love your Neighbour

Loving It!

2010-10-17T21:08:00.001-07:00

I am loving being in the school, the students are great, my sponsor teacher is great, and my principal is great. I am helping set up an FB page for the school, and the Principal is grateful, so that is cool. He is hoping to get closer to the students by using FB to communicate with them, not personally, but as an organization. I think its a great first step.

Also, I can't wait for my family to come home, I miss them so much. I have been busy, visiting around here and there, but I miss them so much. so much.

It was really good to spend time in the valley this weekend, I look forward to living in Vancity, but I also am glad to see my old friends when I get to. Its great.

Also, T and B are coming home soon, which is exciting.

and if you like Ben Harper, and folk music at all, listen to Fistful of Mercy. Its amazing.

GLEE and pedagogy-methods

2010-10-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

While the TV show, GLEE, is entertaining, I worry that it will change the way young people think about music in schools.

Its not like that.

soup sunday

2010-09-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there were a group of people who converted to orthodoxy, it was circa 2005, and it was a variety of young folks, some single, some not, and we all found orthodoxy as the antidote to a variety of ills.
Sundays, we absorbed church like water found in a desert, and stayed until the person with a key locked the doors, and then we went to S. Ketel's house on eastleigh, where we watched slow but beautiful films like atanarjuat, and ate beer battered fish and drank beer. Once, Iearned how to appreciate fine whiskey, thank you Mr. Z. we enjoyed spending the whole day together, talking about orthodoxy, and other things that were new, talking about TWU, and things past, and the future, about living geographically close so this sort of thing would happen more often.
Today, we had a few friends over, new and old, for soup. not a big deal, but it was nice. some of us have kids, some have homework, so we didn't stay long into the evening, which makes sense, but it was so good to have people over, to eat soup and to spend time together. there was homebrew, truth serum (in vino...veritas?) curried chick pea soup, and bread, and rain.
Such a good time, a fall day, people, comfort food, spiced tobacco. the kids played together, and we talked.
what is it about being together that makes an afternoon so good? why do we like being in community?
I think it has to do with manifesting the church, the presence of God. when we are together, and we extend hospitality and friendship, we make real the love that God extends to us, and we recreate (recreation?) that reality. we make it real. I love it, and just as we prepare to move again in a few months, I feel at home in this community. every community has its strengths and weaknesses, no doubt, and as they say, you can never go home. I will be sad to leave, and happy to return (in both senses) but today was good. so good.

I can't wait for tuesday. a whirlwind trip, but how exciting, and momentous. not for us, but to witness the next chapter.

God is so good to us, we have more than we need, and are so loved. so loved. we have our quirks, and our difficult moments, and that is life. Thank God for difficulty, and Lord have mercy, because even though so much is worse for so many others, we might not be able to handle more.

I am so excited for Killarney, so excited. east van, here we come! (that said, we have no idea where we will live-but we're excited)

I am the zeke, rooooaaaarrrr!

2010-08-31T11:09:00.001-07:00

IMG_0007
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

or something. I have a new camera, (attached to a new phone) and this is one of the pics I snapped of zeke and I recently. isn't he precious.

sweet/bummer

2010-08-10T23:03:00.001-07:00

ok, a few cool things.

got to St. Hermans, sweet. saw people, sweet.

here's the lame-o moment of the century.

I got the new iphone, how cool right? except I get home and plug it in, and my computer is obsolete but still working great, it won't recognize the new technology. Its too new. ah crap.

that said, life is pretty good. excited about where we are. the precipice, as it were.

August

2010-08-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

Well, Its been a while, again, and lots has happened.

so, we didn't get a new car after all, long story. we moved, we now live near some good friends from church, but much farther from the ocean. I doubt we'll ever live that close to the ocean again, and I am glad we spent lots of time at the park across the street, but I wish I had spent more time there.
and our yard was lovely, my garden was great. I had such fun with it. I dismantled part of it, and when I went back to get the BBQ the other day, I saw that deer had eaten my tomato plants. sad. ah well. I learned a lot and had a lot of fun, so I will have a better garden next year. better planned anyway. we did eat lots of peas from the garden, which was very satisfying. I think the tomatoes would have been great too had we stuck with it (not moved house)

Kabuki Kabbing has been going well, I took some time off for the assembly, to visit those who came for it, and then we moved, and now I have been home sick for three days. Stomach flu or something. not fun. couldn't work if I wanted to, can't eat nearly enough solid food for the energy I would need. soon enough.

and honestly? I can't wait for school to start. I heard that my cousin was saying the same thing, over in London Ontario, and I was so proud to hear that he had said that, I had no idea he was such a keener, wants to be an archaeologist. probably looking for proof that God doesn't exist, he's a fundamentalist atheist (sort of) anyway. I am proud of him for doing so well in school.
I am so excited to finally get into the classroom and start working with young people on music, I have so many ideas.

oh, and so my friend is in this band, and there's a choir out there who did a choral version of one of his songs, and I think that must be one of the highest compliments, to have someone do an acapella version of your music. I look forward to doing some of their music with my students.

and here's another thing, I think that I might not have a large jazz band program, but instead do popular music. I mean, of course having jazz band is important, but why not have kids working in a style they like, can relate to, and might make money at.

I look forward to having weekly live productions of some sort, teaching the kids all aspects of producing shows, of any sort. Art shows, music shows, theatre, etc. look at me, producing a bunch of entertainers, cause that's what we need more of.

really, I just want to teach choir, and teach kids how to make a decent living even if what they love doing is likely to leave them starving aimless artist types for most of their 20's until they realize they need money and go off and work at a bank somewhere.

And there's nothing wrong with working at a bank, I often applied to banks, and never was hired. I find employment in the strangest ways.

Did I mention we are moving to Vancouver in January for my practicum? we are, and we are excited. though we don't know where yet. hopefully east van, perhaps south van close to my parents. we'll see. It depends on where my practicum is.

I find less time for reflection lately, perhaps it is the summer harvest that keeps us busy, perhaps it is my getting older that gives me a list of things I would prefer not to reflect on. In either case, I hope to visit Gibsons for liturgy, it has been far too long.

summer is here

2010-06-23T23:13:00.000-07:00

its warm, so much so that the house where I work is hot during the day, and hard to cool down at night.
we got a new car, new to us anyway, its a little SUV, hyundai tucson. its pretty cool, though buying a car is always a hassle. they could make it so much easier, but I guess its how things go.
I miss the monks, I think I have come to what might be a realization, maybe its an interpretation, but here goes.

Monks, dedicate their lives to the purest form of prayer and fasting possible. Their goal is to pray and be really good at it. As a married person, my goal is still to end up becoming holy, but its such a different process, that maybe its okay if it looks different. I don't want to justify laziness, but man, having a family, being in school and working makes it hard to focus on the ascetic practices I so wanted to engage in when I first found orthodoxy, and was single, and not working very much. gosh, I don't even have the energy to think about these things that much.

but I did read a great book recently, Atheist Delusions, but David Bentley Hart, go and buy it and read it. its fantastic.

pedicabbing is going well, so is my garden, the peas are huge, and the tomato plants seem to be doing ok. I need to look up how to deal with tomato plants, I realize I may be watering them a bit much. we'll see.

zeke is chatting away, words like book, truck, up, and a few more, and he responds when I say 'sing' by singing on an 'oo' vowel, its precious, and exciting. he likes the piano too. also, in the morning, we are watching world cup soccer together, and he loves to say 'ball' and watch it on tv, and then we kick it together. its really fun. I say 'ball' and he either gets the ball or goes to the tv. now he only needs a vuvuzela.

(I just wanted an excuse to type that word)

my peas

2010-06-11T07:29:00.001-07:00

P1000509
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

are very tall. I LOVE gardening!

pray for Ambrose

2010-06-02T17:09:00.000-07:00

recently born infant son of friends Alanna and Oscar, in KS.
he is in the NICU, needed help breathing for quite a while after being born.

pray for them, please.

surf is up

2010-05-26T22:44:00.001-07:00

Apparently I AM going to surf in Tofino this week.
we just got back, it was fantastic. we stayed with my parents, who were very excited to see us, but of course overjoyed to spend a few days with the zeke, even if he was waking up super early. they had a blast with him, and by the end he was mumbling something that resembled ge'ma or something. he loved being with them. and they certainly loved having him. They had been given the use of a beautiful home right ON chesterman north, short walk (5 minutes) to the wickaninnish inn. yeah. bad-ass.
so we watched surfers play in the waves for a while, and my mom said something like 'its a shame to be so close and not go in the water' and I replied that I just had expected not to go this time around. we were all pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, my mom suggested I go, I checked with the boss, and it was great. I went and got a board and a wetsuit, (a real beginners board, for once, finally) from LIVE TO SURF (the place to rent in Tofino, don't be deceived) and was in the water in less than half an hour from leaving the house. And this cabin, it was gorgeous, open plan, three bedrooms, ocean views everywhere. So I surfed for a few hours, checked to see if my half of the family had woken up yet, they were still sleeping, perfect, back in the water! I finally had learned to get up on the board. I have been surfing six times now, and I have finally gotten up on a board.
I love boards. I have spent most of my life skateboarding and my teenaged years in pursuit of money to go snowboarding, and both of those activities are, to my knowledge, as close as people can get who don't live near waves. I grew up knowing that I loved skateboarding and snowboarding, but if I had the chance, surfing would be it, for sure. and honestly? finally catching a good number of waves, getting up on the board? I was right, those videos, when you see someone riding the waves, it is exactly as fun as it looks, possibly more fun.
There are places where Dolphins come and surf with you, because they like to have fun too. Lord have mercy.
but then, like everything, what is the point? I guess fundamentally, what is the point of recreation? I think if I were really honest with myself, I should prefer sitting in silence and watching empty waves (no surfers) and contemplate my sin or the beauty of life. But as a good friend said recently (a photog from seattle) when we live in the world, and we find our calling in the pursuit of beauty, then it is our duty to live an epicurean life, not of excess, but to know what is beautiful and why and how to capture and recreate and give away that beauty, and to frame it to reveal its Source, perhaps. anyways, He said it a bit better, but it was a good thought.
I am so excited about my practicum, I think I have my placement, and it looks like it will be in the big smoke rather than the valley to start, which is fine. The school itself is good, and they have a good music program, so that is exciting. I have had a great recommendation of the choir teacher there from my former, JT, so that is reassuring.
I am sure we will end up in the valley at some point, but for now, we will be urbanites when we move back across the water. I will be sad to leave a lot of good people here, and a church I really am growing fond of. It has its moments, but we are all human, and I have seen a lot of growth and maturing and beauty happening, which is really fantastic to witness and to be a part of.
Bethany (good friend in the phillippines) is 34 weeks pregnant, and having intense nerve pain, pray for her.
Bucan Bucan is playing on saturday.
Tofino is amazing.
Kabuki Kabbing is going well, hopefully the weather begins to suck less and less.
I wrenched my shoulder while surfing, I always like to have a good injury story so that I can say "I was surfing in the Tofino the other day" I am sure if there is any reward to be had in heaven, I have had most of mine down here from all of my story telling and the instant gratification that brings. anyways.

OH! David B Hart's Atheist Delusions! This is an amazing book. I will never debate anyone about atheism again, unless I am a priest 30 years from now and someone asks, but in that case too, I will simply hand them a copy of this book and say, read this, then lets talk. or, if they need to dialogue, I will read sections from it, and then we will talk about it. It is amazing. I hope to do a proper book review of it, but if you need a good book that is challenging, THIS is the one book. I don't think I recommend many books on here, though maybe. no idea. anyways. read it. buy it. borrow it. do it. David B Hart. Atheist Delusions. fantastic.

oh, and I got up with zeke this morning at 6, after he was awake for an hour, and took him down to the beach. It was awesome. the tide was out, the beach was huge and we were almost alone on it. I let him wander quite a ways away from me, 50 yards maybe, and I was poking around some rocks or something and I looked back and he had fallen on his bum into a tiny creek and was just sitting there, water soaking his PJ's, content. the creek was millimetres deep, like beach creeks are, but it was cold water nonetheless. so he was wet. he was wearing PJ's, boots and a puffy vest.
we carried on a bit, found lots of interesting things, and then went and got dried off. he loved it. I did too.
I love being a Dad.

My Peas

2010-05-12T20:25:00.001-07:00

My Peas
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

My Garden is growing!

you can see the peas on the right, lettuce on the left, there's a potato plant, a tomato plant, onions, garlic, strawberries.

and you can't quite see my deer fences, but they are there.

oh life

2010-05-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

is bigger.

and we live across the street from the ocean, I just got a piano, its beautiful. nothing fancy, but certainly worth the two benjamins it cost. had it delivered, (you are welcome, crew of moving friends, for not ruining your backs)

we have a great life. I have plans, dreams, ideas, I want us all to live on a property, I want to finance it, build it, sell the properties, or lease the homes, or whatever. I don;t even care about money, but I can't ask people for money, and I know a bunch of people who would do it if they could, if it was available. I know enough people who are into it, that it could be done, it just takes someone willing to do the work. one day.
I can't wait to be a teacher as well, I hope to find out soon, but I might be doing my practicum at Mountain in langley, near St. H. which would be very very cool. The teachers there are good, at least the choral teacher, I heard the group at Banff. Banff was so great.
and the Greyhound is terrible, never ever take the greyhound. I mean, its fine, but it was really not restful, to get to banff and need to sleep the whole next day was not worth the hundred dollars less, and I wasn't even paying for it. next time, flying to calgary, or driving a car.
But it was great, I learned a lot, hobnobbed with important people, had a drink with my old choir teacher, learned a lot, heard great groups (go look up the Kokopelli Choir on youtube, they are great) and was so so inspired to be a teacher.

I sure did miss my family too, but maybe they can come next time.

So here's the question of the day. (and its not a current issue, otherwise I wouldn't blog about it)

When you are having an argument with your spouse (Laurenn and I never argue, we are both perfect) how do you decide who wins? a disagreement is de facto both of us being sure that the other is wrong, both of us are using logic (right) so how do we solve it? I like watching the marriage ref, because though it is humour, I still think they are getting at something. Its okay for someone to be right and someone to be wrong but how do you get there without a ref? and who should be that referee? sometimes I think our church leaders could fill that role, even though its a bit of a risk to get involved, I think if we ask someone to help us see outside of our perspective, that could be helpful.

any thoughts?

also, music I have been listening to lately: Wailin Jenny's, Rajaton,

and I am LOVING David B Hart's "Atheist Delusions" which my Dad bought me for my birthday. Its fantastic.

don't forget to click on the picture below for more lovely shots of zeke. and my garden is coming along nicely too.

I am a prodigy.

2010-05-06T19:27:00.001-07:00

I am a prodigy.
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

I love lawn chairs

2010-04-28T07:24:00.001-07:00

I love lawn chairs
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

how cute is my son? cutest ever.

Banff, Old Friends, On Becoming a Teacher, my Garden

2010-04-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am going to banff tomorrow, and I am very excited.
Today I got a haircut, new pants, a new sweatervest because honestly what says 'teacher' like a sweatervest? nothing.
anyways, very excited. This is a high school music festival, and it is non competitive. www.crmfestival.com if you want to see it, the website looks a bit old, but it explains it a bit. anyways, it was at this festival that I first spoke in front of a large crowd. I was in Grade 12, and the section leader in both band and choir (I also played rugby) so I was chosen, along with my good friend Jeff, to speak as a leader in a strong program, to both the teachers and the students. I think the stuff I said was kind of lame, but I don't honestly remember. what I do remember was meeting some of the other students, one of which, oddly enough, I have been friends with ever since. That is not due to trying to keep in touch, but our paths ended up crossing later, and staying that way. Dan Steenburgh was also a leader in his high school music program, and we ended up being friends at University, and eventually remembered each other from the festival in banff. We have been good friends since the later years of university, as we took many classes together, and eventually were part of a small group of TWU students who became orthodox together. (Graham Y, QJesse, P+B, Z+C, ER etc) Anyways, I am honored to be taking part in a teacher development program, which will help me get back into the swing of things, as I have not been in the high school music scene for a while, despite a mild addiction to GLEE on tuesday nights, (which, by the way, I still like, but wonder if the magic will last...but that's another rabbit trail for another day)
So, tomorrow I take the bus to banff, and get to wear sweatervests, host evening concerts and become a better teacher. Not only that, but I get to schmooze, and perhaps talk my way into a practicum in Langley, but don't hold your breath, I don't have a ton of control.
I am so excited to become a teacher. I know it won't be everything I had hoped for, and I know I won't get a contract right away, but that is fine. I just can't wait to get paid to make music with eager young people. People who actually want to learn. And I can't wait to try out things that haven't been traditionally part of the curriculum, like pop music, or experimental fusion, like electro-acoustic stuff that almost anyone can do on a computer. I love the whole community aspect of creating music, both in a ensemble and in the context of a school. I have visions of grandeur, I know, but why not?
My Garden, is now becoming realistic. Potatoes popped up from who knows where, but I think I want to keep some of them. Not entirely sure how to deal with them, but will let them be for now. my peas are recovering from the deer and their raiding and pillaging. I have many many strawberry plants, and I recently planted Kale and Rhubarb Chard, and I am so excited for when I get back and see the progress. oh, and for taking out all the weeds.
oh, and go and visit www.flickr.com/photos/pasivirta and see all of our recent pics of biking and camping, if you need a diversion. some are really cute ones of zeke. he's growing so fast, its outrageous.

Zeke Drinking from a hose

2010-04-18T23:05:00.001-07:00

DSC01368
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

I taught zeke to drink from a hose, Laurenn was not too happy, but it seemed such an important skill for a young man to have.

Tomas Luis De Victoria

2010-03-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

TL de Victoria is the best composer in history.

His music, more than any other, convinces me time and again that God is there. and here.

we have nice music in church, but his compositions capture the beauty and tension that is life so well that there is no way to describe it and to try would be a disservice.

Zeke

2010-03-23T23:42:00.001-07:00

P1000306
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

P1000305

2010-03-23T23:41:00.001-07:00

P1000305
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

little friends

2010-03-23T22:47:00.001-07:00

P1000285
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

my pea shoots!

quoted...

2010-03-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

So, I have found recently that I have been quoted a bunch of times on pro-life websites for comments I made in an article in the school paper. I stand by what I said, and I am opposed to abortion. I know there are difficult circumstances that make this question more complicated than I am comfortable with, so I am willing to say that there must be some time and place where it would be a morally grey area.

That said, (and this post notwithstanding)I am going to be a teacher, likely in the public system, and I am uncomfortable with my name being all over a bunch of pro-life websites, because their communication style generally lacks tact. Not because I want to hide my pro-life stance (!) but because I want that fact to be found in a nuanced discussion, not an out of context quote that makes me sound more extreme than I am.

In other news, it was really nice to have visitors tonight, this summer will see the reinstatement of a weekly gathering at our house, not an open house as such, more of an afternoon BBQ in the garden.

school is almost done for the year. conducting was great today, maybe I will post a litle video later, we'll see.

we were so glad to be at all saints the last two weeks, its a good place to be.

shoots

2010-03-12T19:07:00.001-08:00

shoots
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

I now have 8 shoots. no leaves though. nor eats.

but I am very excited. I also painted my BBQ today. It's all black. the yard is coming together. looking forward to being done school so I can do nothing all april except maybe hike, BBQ, and hang with the family.
oh man.

Jr. Ensemble

2010-03-10T18:57:00.001-08:00

Jr. Ensemble
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

This is my first choir. I was so excited. and I still am.

Garden Family

2010-03-07T20:52:00.001-08:00

P1000201
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

This is a little video of zeke toddling around where our Garden is. Its small, but I have never done a garden before, so I am excited.
this is also where the BBQ/Smoker will go, as well as lawn chairs and your butt and a cold beverage.

choir teacher

2010-03-03T18:31:00.000-08:00

I have said it before and I will say it again, I can't wait to be a choir teacher.
I was at Oak Bay High School today, and it fed my soul. The choir there was fantastic today, I spent a short time there during their rehearsal at lunch hour, listening to their unauditioned sr. choir, and it blew me away. If you live in Victoria, and want your kids to have a good music education, Oak Bay is the place to be. I haven't been to many high schools to hear their singers, but the warm, rich, mature sound that they made today, and their expression, and their sense of attention to detail, it blew me away. These high school kids who I would definitely call hoodlums under any other circumstance were creating beauty in such a real and meaningful way that it once again reminded me of where I am going and why, and it was so healthy. It fed my soul. It encouraged me.
And it was so great too, a bunch of kids who I am sure were not all of one mind regarding religious beliefs were able to sing Mozart's Ave Verum Corpus, a beautiful song that I think refers to the consubstantiation in the catholic mass, with believing hearts simply because they loved the music, not because they believed it, and it was such a fantastic way for the teacher to get them to engage. Some of my colleagues have tried to find ways to address religious music in the classroom and it has sometimes been awkward, which I get, its hard to figure out how to deal with God in a public school, so just acknowledge that it is beautiful music and that you like it. if they sing like that, good enough for me, because the beauty of the music says so much that if you don't actually believe every word, but you sing it with expression and emotion, then you are being humble and submitting yourself to the music and the meaning, and it works.

Also, there was a young person there who sounded like they might be slightly on the ASD, which I found later to be the case, but the young person sang beautifully and apparently is super high functioning, which was cool to hear about. Said person made a garage band arrangement of Jupiter from Holst's planets. which is no small feat.

There was such a great texture and excitement for what they were doing, I appreciated being there so much, Such hope and innocence, even if it wasn't really there, it was. It was the place they could be honest and vulnerable, which is what high school kids lack. Its all about a tough shell and being badass and that is such a tragedy, especially if there is nowhere to have the honest and vulnerable moment.

ah, choir. seriously, can't wait.

Remembering Lent

2010-03-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

This is from a friend's newsletter, I thought it was a good reminder. Thanks to Tyson for letting me repost it,

We are a little over a week into the season of Lent, the days leading up to the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ, days of reflection and preparation.

Much moreso than New Years, for me this is a time to take stock of where I stand personally in my faith journey, where lie my failings, from what things I ought to fast. This year, however, I have been thinking along more opposite lines. Not what can/should I do without, but what have I been doing without that I should include. The fact is, cutting out coffee, television, internet time, are relatively easy things to do if you have good support like I do in my wife to hold me accountable. These things are easier because they mean cutting non-necesities out of our complicated, busy lives.

What is not easy is to add things. To actively seek out justice through volunteering, to love our neighbours by giving them our time and listening to them, to carve out time for prayer, meditation and reflective reading - these things seem impossible with all our "normal" commitments.

The fact is, the two things go hand in hand. When we cut junk food out of our diets, we are still hungry, and so ought to fill that hunger with something more nutritious. If we can be intentional about cutting back on things that drain, replacing them with things that nourish, we will be better prepared for the challenges that face us at the Cross - the challenge of sacrifice, of bringing new Life.

without

2010-02-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

We stopped smoking so we'd get a better deal on life insurance, and to be sure, we really didn't smoke much, I smoked my pipe once or twice a month, and maybe a djarum here and there. But anyways, its turned out to be pretty easy to go without, which is nice.

apparently its lent, the olympics, school, and other things make it hard to notice. but I am sure its not external things that cause it, but my own heart.

many trials for friends these days too. can't wait for this season to pass, but also knowing that things are good, and life is good. I couldn't ask for more, I have been given so much good. more than I could possibly list.

Olympics

2010-02-12T07:23:00.000-08:00

So I have been wondering why everyone on the news talks about getting emotional about seeing the torch, about the games etc. I am excited to watch hockey, of course, and all sorts of fun events like biathlon and skeleton. seriously.
but this morning, I am watching a bit of the torch relay on tv and may have realized why people get emotional. I honestly think that the olympics, while entertaining and enjoyable, is a large spectacle of idolatry. I know, I know, WAY over top, fine. Like I said, I am looking forward to said spectacle.
But, this morning, I think I realized that it could be gratitude for living in canada that makes people so excited about this. I am sure there are a variety of reasons people are excited, but what it made me realize is just how grateful I am to live in Canada. I think that it is a good thing that I live somewhere in the 90th percentile (just a guess) of Socioeconomic standards of living, even when I feel like I don't have a ton of money, I still have way more than most people in the world. Hot water comes out of my tap, I can go to university (over and over and over...)we have mountains, sushi, salmon in the rivers, and a beautiful ferry ride where I might see whales happens so often that it annoys me.
I don't care if we win any medals, but dang I love living in Canada.

Ezekiel Frank Veli Pasivirta

2010-02-12T00:03:00.001-08:00

Ezekiel Frank Veli Pasivirta
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

One Day, I would like to smoke my pipe indoors while listening to slow, quiet music. Like the Hilliard Ensemble's new songbook. It is weird, but hauntingly beautiful, especially "And One of the Pharisees" it is an amazing setting of when the woman washed Jesus' feet with her hair, but the pharisees judged him for letting her touch him. outstanding. words can't get near how it sounds, so I won't try. if you get the chance, listen to it.

Zeke is turning One tomorrow, how crazy is that. A YEAR! he's walking around, he climbed up on the couch the other day, and he's babbling away. Its still awesome. Its still tiring like crazy, he still keeps us up a bit at night, but whatever, it'll end. in twenty years. (the being kept awake bit) today I was sort of singing with him, and he would sing-song back to me bap! so cute.

I finished my score study a few minutes ago, which marks the end of one of the busier weeks of my life. Did I mention I am looking forward to reading break? goodness.

and I really like google buzz. we'll see what happens, but I like it.

I broke ANOTHER spoke the other day, so I had them re-spoke my whole wheel. One of these days I will just have to get a better road bike. I rode my mountain bike to school, man, it felt like a cadillac, so soft and plush. I might sell it, and then get another one once we are back on the mainland. but not a lot of demand for such a bike here.

Happy Birthday to my awesome little man!

Salinger

2010-01-29T19:16:00.001-08:00

I am so happy to hear about JD Salinger's life, he seems to have lived well, and succeeded in living quietly, which is something myriad of us are unable to do. After reading Franny and Zooey, I keep thinking he must have wished he were orthodox, but somehow knew he couldn't. Right or wrong, I wonder.
The quiet life. it will be many years until I know quiet again. I met it once, it can be found after a short ferry ride and a 45 minute walk, or a shorter hitch hike. Quiet lives near a pulp mill and a trailer park, and it is hard to get there, even harder now. Perhaps one day I will learn to make a place for quiet to live in the same place that I live. Lord have mercy.
Man, I really loved Franny and Zooey, and I really want to read his other books. I hope beyond hope that there are manuscripts that will be published post mortem, but I doubt it.
I still have a lot of work, and I am hoping to visit vancouver during the olympics, we'll see.

Psh,

2010-01-25T21:41:00.001-08:00

P1000014
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

Dad, is should say being beautiful is hard, cause, really, my life is so hard. all this eating and sleeping and crying business, its tough. being this cute is dang hard work man, cut me some slack eh daddy-o?

On Being a Teacher, future tense.

2010-01-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

I can't wait.

Every day, I am involved in thinking about how I will be a teacher, because I am taking education classes and reading all sorts of boring, not very heady, literature. Articles that are very practical, but not very exciting like my aesthetics or existentialism of yesteryear. but anyways, I keep on thinking about what it will be like to be a teacher, and I can't wait, I am so excited, but also thrilled at the prospect of how it is going to force me to be a better more responsible person. I am already much more organized than I have been in the past, and I will have to own that and make it a normal reality.
I even look forward to the possibility of doing musicals, which is something that I never did when I was younger.
I can't actually remember the main point I was going to make, but I am very very excited for becoming a teacher.

I have started looking into my practicum, and if I have my druthers, it will be in Fort Langley, because they have a fantastic choral program there.

Date Night

2010-01-16T21:10:00.001-08:00

Laurenn and I got to have a little date tonight, Laurenn's mom is here for a couple of nights, so she looked after zeke while we went across the street to have a little bonfire. we are fortunate to live across the street from the ocean (!) so we went to a little hidden spot where no one could see the fire and tried to burn wet driftwood. It took forever but we got a little fire going. It was nice, we just had a breath of stillness, a short chat, and it was really nice. I can't wait until we can all go camping as a family. teach zeke to play with fire properly. maybe go fishing. it will be quiet. I like the quiet more these days. though I think we will have open house again soon. details to come.

Memory Eternal!

2010-01-15T07:01:00.001-08:00

DSC00450
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

busy

2010-01-11T18:32:00.000-08:00

that's about it.

very busy. tired.

coffee.

miss you all. come visit sometime. or write.

Professional

2010-01-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

Well, it was bound to happen.
I feel as though I am now a Man, and I ought to act like it. Be organized, learn how to transpose properly in case I ever teach band, learn as much as I possibly can, because once I am actually teaching, there's a lot riding on it.
I am in school, and I feel like I am about to hit Flow and not stop til it all lets go in April. have you heard of Flow? It's an Ed term I think, maybe Psych, where you are at optimal learning to doing to new stuff ratio (or something) and you lose track of time because you are in the moment, the zone, everything just flows. I feel like I am about to grab a moving train, and its going to take me pretty quickly to these places and I will look back in a few years and be surprised. we'll see.
Lord have mercy, bring it on.

and the title of the post, Professional, is my word of the year. I am one who makes a claim of being an expert, I Profess that I know what I am talking about when it comes to music, specifically teaching music to high school students. If I profess such a thing, I better get it together.
I am also a lover of music, but I have left the realm of amateur by claiming to be one who knows. not that I get paid much yet.

Professional.

it is also my goal, to live more professionally. to do things right. I finally got real cycling pants and am about to get a jacket, and bike everywhere so we don't use the old horse as much. our car is an old horse. everything. church, cycling, work, school, music, flow, yoga, family, everything. professional.

Dear People

2010-01-06T07:19:00.001-08:00

I do not hate you, nor does God.

recently, I am in the middle of a discussion with a friend at school, and she, knowing I am a christian, said "...but God hates fags, doesn't He?" and then she sort of quoted Romans, which says something completely different, but nevermind the interpretive jump.
What I want to say here totally sidesteps the argument. I hope.
(and I have a few readers who will correct me if I am wrong, please)
If you are not a Christian, why does it matter what the Christian code of conduct is? First of all, God loves everyone, and I agree with the bible that Men and Women fit together. That is a very loose translation. but there are SO many other things in the bible, nobody should be as hung up on this as everyone seems to be. Great, you're Gay. fantastic, how was your day? what did you eat for supper? I know sexuality is a big deal, but there are a lot of heterosexual people who find their identity in their sexuality (see a recent XKCD comic) and that is just as annoying or immature. I am not worried about who you are or aren't sleeping with or if they are the same or different from you.
A teacher recently pointed out that undergraduate students seem to equate ideas (maybe ideologies) with personal value or identity. If I disagree with your veganism, oil consumption, womens studies scholarship, unitarian church, islam, judaism, protestantism, liberalism, fundamentalism, or ANY other idea or practice, it doesn't mean I hate you, or that we can't sit and drink a beer together, or that you will be a bad teacher.
Now, you should all realize that none of my friends who are Gay have said anything to me about this, so perhaps they don't feel this way, but its kind of funny, I feel judged because I am a Christian. So all of this to say, Yes, I am a Christian, NO, I am not a hater. I don't even dislike people based on what they do in the bedroom.

Also, even if Christians like myself read in the bible that being Gay is not what we were made for (not getting into the evolution/creation debate here either,)that doesn't mean that my interpretation and beliefs should affect you in the least, because its all up to the individual, right? Now, if you want to be a Christian, and actively Gay, then you are doing some interpretive tricks that are really more of a philosophical problem (at least at the outset) than a spiritual one.

the short version is this: Christians behave a certain way (ha) or try to.
If you are not a Christian, and don't plan on being one, why would the Christian worldview matter?

so glad

2010-01-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

to be back in school.
I can't wait to be a teacher.

reflections

2010-01-01T07:28:00.001-08:00

reflections on a year, perhaps a decade.

the first thing to say is that I reflect less and watch tv more. an interesting development to say the least. when I was in school, I didn't have time to watch tv, so I became quite self righteous about my lack of knowing what was happening in the world of tv, so I have spent the last while catching up.

I spent a few summers far flung, places like massachusetts, timmins, smithers, ukraine, okanagan, california, montana. I managed to hitch-hike a few times, nothing serious. I rode my small-ish motorcycle to ontario one summer.

I finished two degrees.

I became orthodox.

I visited a monastery.

I became a husband and then a father.

I remembered what I want to be when I grow up, a choir teacher in high school, and I will start the next decade (a year and a bit from now) by finishing that school session, I might even get another degree, depending where I finish. I have applied to finish my B.Ed at UBC, but I am accepted at UVIC already.

I hiked, fished, hunted, surfed, mountain biked, and read. boy did I read.

I would say of all of these things, the most important moment of the last decade was becoming orthodox, it, more than anything else, changed the direction of my life.

So there you have it, August 16th 2005. my moment of the decade.

Music

2009-12-19T19:12:00.000-08:00

It's such a mystery, why is music the way it is?

and does it really direct us in the right direction? does the music matter? does the specific music matter?or is it all the same?

what makes something sacred? what is the point of performance?

I have realized a few things

2009-12-17T01:42:00.000-08:00

a few things

I cannot fix anything external to myself, and I am not responsible for anyone outside my family. forgive me for trying to change you, that is a temptation I fall into often.

Poverty takes many forms, and while I believe that Ghandi was right, that it is violence to enable laziness (that is a paraphrase, but accurate I think) We still ought to love the poor, as Jesus commanded many times. what does that mean? It does not mean lobbing electronic grenades, or criticizing the loving efforts of good people.
forgive me, for that is what I have done.

Basically, I have been helped to remember that my struggle is with myself, and that my Ego is often what I have to fight with, not yours. I can't win against your ego, but I can conquer my own.

I was drawn to orthodoxy for a few reasons. They didn't care if I liked them, they were secure and safe without me. I realize now that not everyone is like that, and my interpretation is colored by my history. Also, it doesn't matter, because God is secure and stable with or without me, but offers love. and I accept.
I was drawn to orthodoxy because it was confrontational and honest. Again, that is a particular brand, and one that I love, but it is not everyone and that is just fine.
I love everyone. period. I get along well with people who are like me, but I am realizing that my recent discontent has just as much to do with myself as with anyone else.

its a bit late, I better go to sleep.

Mainland

2009-12-12T23:21:00.001-08:00

Going to St. Hermans tomorrow, Desmond is being received. a long obedience.

can't wait to be there.

and I hope it snows.

Zeke walking

2009-12-10T13:34:00.001-08:00

best ever.
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

Zeke took his first steps on sunday, these few steps here are probably still part of his first hundred or so, he has been walking quite a bit in fits and starts, its pretty amazing.
I was doing dishes and he snuck up on me from behind, walking from the living room, because he saw the garbage and no doubt wanted a snack. clearly we don't feed him enough.

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king

2009-12-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

Zeke has started to walk, its pretty incredible. I have a little video on my phone, but I need the micro SD card, when I get that back, I will put a little video up here. I can't find my point and shoot digital, its a panasonic lumix, perhaps one of you saw it somewhere on the mainland, or maybe in seattle, anyways, we have much less video to show off at this point. Anyways. He took his first steps in church. which I think was excellent. we were all quite shocked, not expecting him to walk nearly this soon and we are of course, very proud, even though perhaps our actions have nothing to do with his growth and development, we still like to take credit for it, secretly. but honestly, I have no idea. did I mention I don't like competition? I am such a sucker for it, and I think it is so unchristian, so forgive me if I sound competitive. It's not about comparing, just about good and bad, ultimate things, not better or worse than you. which, like I said, I am prone to.
In other news, Zeke is sick and kind of inconsolable. its a bummer. he is a hurtin unit, squealing in the way that says "Dad, I don't get it, this is pain like I have never felt before, why do I suffer so?" or "Mom, why aren't you fixing this broken glass on the throat thing that is happening here?" anyways, its weird because it comes and goes, but I was sick a few days ago, and now Laurenn and Zeke have the sore throat, but its a short cold I think. At least Its not the H1N1, my boss has that, but she has stayed far away from work, thankfully.
we will be visiting the mainland again soon for a good while, we should be able to see a few people, and I am working at the butcher shop again for a few days, so that will be fun.
Also, we have decided to make hard cider at home, it's incredibly easy, and relatively inexpensive, I think the gear we each bought cost us a few dollars, on top of the ten dollar bottle of cider, its a pretty sweet deal and very crafty feeling for a large bottle of christmas hooch. what a word, hooch.

anyways, we'll see some of you soon, which is sweet.

moto

2009-12-04T12:52:00.001-08:00

moto
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

the older I geti

2009-11-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

I really really like choral music.

here are some composers you should check out.

Tomas Luis de Victoria.
GP da Palestrina.
John Taverner (with two Rs)(from the renaissance)
Mendelsson's Elijah is amazing.
Britten's war requiem is quite impressive too.
everyone loves Bach, and for good reason.

that should get you started.

tough city

2009-11-25T19:07:00.000-08:00

I really look forward to listening to the new CBC Canadian Songquest album. I heard some snippets, and I love some of the musicians. I think Radio 2 Drive is really beginning to reveal a canadian cultural identity that is either just emerging, or just being discovered. But I think it is there. I suppose it could be also that I am growing up and used to want to identify myself with commercial culture, and now I find it abhorrent, is that a word? Commercial radio makes me ill, but I love all of the good music I discover when listening to radio 2 in the morning and in the afternoon. The classical stuff is fine, but I already have a pretty good understanding of where I want to go with my art music time.
I can't wait to be a teacher. I look forward to experimenting with popular music in the classroom, digital media, social media and its ability to unite groups. Today I was thinking about how I could have a contest where kids would have bands and they would have to recruit a songwriter from outside the group, where perhaps it's the outcasts who don't have a voice but have a lot to say who would be better equipped to communicate with music and words. I find I have no motivation to write lyrics, though I love being creative with music, because I am so comfortable with words, regardless of my facility with them. I find Dave Matthews, one of my favourite songwriters, to be not very articulate when he speaks in public (perhaps a variety of factors are involved) but his songwriting is excellent in that it conveys little moments in ways that I think are rare among successful musicians. It also has to do with the chemistry of the band. But I digress, I want to show students that music and creating together can bring unexpected people into a creative process that binds in ways not much else can.
Liturgy, the work of the people, is meant to be like that. When we work together to create beauty as an offering to God, we are bound together in a non-physical way. A spiritual bond is made when we work together on something that is a spiritual offering. We all have different reasons (motives) for being in church, but we go there. I think the worst thing when it comes to church is apathy, not apatheia. Lacking in passion in the western sense. I am having a hard time with church these days, and I think it is largely because we don't have choir practices. I miss everything about the practices, the community, the awkwardness, the progress. I miss the difficult times because it is exactly those difficult times that brought us closer together, that showed us we could trust each other with vulnerability. Better yet, the musical progress made it so exciting to be working together, challenging each other.
I can't exactly remember where I was going with all of this, but I really miss choir practices.

Port Townsend

2009-11-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

We returned home from our weekend away in Port Townsend. It was a fabulous weekend, very relaxing and an excellent time to catch up with old friends. The three men involved had spent a fateful weekend together on the sunshine coast, hiking and enjoying nature and also happened to meet the monks for the very first time. It was a weekend sometime in August of 2005 I believe, perhaps even near august 6th. I can't remember exactly, but it was great. we three had fun then, and I remember talking about how we should find a way to have a weekend like this in the future with our wives, and we did! It only took four years, but it was great. We are all married, and there are two babies, and a lot of different thoughts have passed through our heads over the years. We had worked together on the newspaper at TWU, and it was less a newspaper and more an intellectual excercise, a bi-weekly jr sort of peer review publication, involving all sorts of genres, but excelling in general and giving us a taste for creative pursuits that had themes and possibilities. I am sort of rambling, but we really enjoyed working together. They live in seattle now, and we in Victoria, so Port Townsend was a great middle ground.
We played games, we talked about important issues, like babies, church, vegetables, weather, man it was windy while we were there.
It was kind of weird to be so far away, but only drive for about an hour. The ferry we took leaves from downtown victoria, which means we drove for about ten minutes and then took a ferry for about an hour and a half, and then drove for another hour, and we were there. Weird. But the town of port townsend is really cool, very picturesque, lovely buildings, a nice antique store to get lost in, and a great food co-op. I have been working both friday and saturday nights this shift, which has been a bummer, no trips away, but next semester will have me super busy, so I don't know what will happen.
We miss our families, I had a great chat with my sister on the phone today.
This is a string of random things, but there you have it. we are going to watch less TV.
I really like samcro. If you know what that is great, but if not, don't worry about it. I am also really enjoying my terry pratchett books. what a clever writer.
I think I mentioned this before, but I don't remember. We have decided not to go to montreal. I even decided not to take the test, because I loved my time in band class so much the other day that I know I need to be a teacher. So I will do my practicum in the lower mainland and eventually we will go back there to work. In the meantime, we have to deal with living across the street from the ocean. ah well, you can't win em all.

The Poor, Pt 3

2009-11-14T07:43:00.001-08:00

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Memory Eternal, Willy.

The Poor pt II

2009-11-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

I appreciate the discussion that the last post caused, and hopefully this will clarify.

Matthew 25, like the rest of the Bible, is incredibly important. Most of Jesus' life was spent dealing with poor people, talking about money, and getting people to understand the connection between how the spent their money (and time) and what that revealed about their soul. Matthew 6 also focuses on that briefly, basically saying that its your actions that matter. Just like 1 Cor. 13. Nobody, (well, some of us actually are swayed by words) but almost nobody cares what you or I say, but our actions are really what matter. This is why a blog, while interesting and perhaps an enjoyable way to pass time and stay connected, is not a way to measure anything of substance or significance. (generally, I know there are some really good things written down, like, the Bible, the fathers, etc, this is not a critique of writing per se)
That said (written) the point I was trying to make is that when we minister to the poor, I think we need to think deeply and carefully about that. How, why, what, when, who, where etc. We shouldn't spend so much time contemplating our options that we never do anything, and I am all for giving a random guy on the street the food in my front seat as we stop at the red light (vancouver+pandora anyone?) Just a simple, stringless gift. but if we are going to make an organized concerted effort that is meant to represent the Love of God, why should it have any less of a foundation in history than the way we do the rest of our life in Christ?
I don't think we should ignore the poor, I think we should love them, just like the Bible teaches, because God loves the poor and needs arms and hands (well, not really, but we are supposed to do it) but lets do it thoughtfully. How can we do it best? I think slowly and deeply, in relationships that will last and allow for loving confrontation on both sides, just like in any other relationship.
IN FACT< I just had a bit of a eureka moment, I think part of the problem is when we look at any group as an 'other' it continues the marginalization (I am guilty with my posting titles) if we call someone 'other' they are not our brother. So by looking at poor people and seeing them as poor, they are not even eligible for brotherhood. But if we are less intentionally directed towards one group, perhaps everyone would feel welcome at our table for a meal.

The Poor

2009-11-08T19:27:00.000-08:00

What is our duty to the poor, living here in Canada?
I was involved in outreach to homeless people for about 8 years in a semi-official capacity (weekly, name signed up-background check) with the Union Gospel Mission. One of those years, I led a group of 100 University students. Other times, I was going because of the girls I knew in high school. Whatever the motivation, I had the chance to speak with hundreds of homeless people, sometimes just one time, sometimes I knew the same people for years. I know a woman who left her life of prostitution and alchoholism to follow Christ. She has maintained that path.
In Canada, there are so many social safety nets, what is our role as the church? It is a very hard thing to be hungry in Canada, and also hard to be without clothes and food. I think Ghandi said that it is violence to give a man who can work a piece of bread that he didn't earn. I have spoken to people who beg, and they have said that they don't want to work. I have offered food, and they reject it and ask for change.
I don't want to enable laziness, and therefore when doing ministry to the poor, I think it requires a great deal of effort and commitment.
I almost dropped out of my undergrad degree to live downtown with the homeless and destitute. Instead I finished my degree and stopped being involved with outreach.
In Canada, you can't starve.

Dave Matthews on Q

2009-11-06T23:19:00.001-08:00

And, surfing was good, though I am still not good at it.

decisions etc

2009-11-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes its hard to figure things out, like, what to do in life.
The other day, I had another opportunity to conduct the band, its a middle school band, and I LOVED it! with exclamation points! It was great, so it makes me think that maybe I should just suck it up and finish school regardless of what happens with the job in montreal (or abitibi, for that matter)
but who knows.
In other news, my Dad is having an opening of his photos at On The Rise Gallery on south granville. I am very proud of him. He has been doing very well with photography lately, and this is evidence that I am not just saying that. He will have an entire wall of his work displayed. If you can make it, check it out. On The Rise, South Granville, all month long. Opening night is tomorrow night, wine and cheese. Check it out if you can.
oh, and the swell is coming on friday, if things go well, I might just get up on the board this time.

in the key of Grrrrrr

2009-11-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

well, today is a grouchy day.

One of my teachers is using interesting techniques in her pedagogy class. She is teaching us how to teach, we have ten minute moments with which to teach a class of grade six band students. Except that the students are actually university music majors who are much quicker to pick up their instruments, and already know what 3/4 time is.
I think it is a terrible idea to take this class concurrent with a class that covers the same material but in a REAL context. I love teaching the actual middle school students, because they react like real people because they ARE real people. It's really hard to take it seriously. ah well.
In other news, I have an interview next monday for a job in Abitibi, of all places, which is like the boondocks of quebec, I don't think there is an orthodox church too near by, so I don't know that we would go, but we'd consider it I think. It's a pretty good job.
I spoke french today with the lady who was driving the bus (it's raining, so I wuss out on part of my bike ride) and it was great, I think my french is improving, but its nigh impossible to tell. we'll see. She said the test is easy, her sister worked for the feds in Ottawa and needed an english course, I would happily take a french course while there.
I love Victoria, but I would also love to pay off debt faster. It's all about the benjamins baby.

I had a hermannator last night, I forgot what that was like. It is an experience. It is very dark, and strong. It hits pretty hard, but not on the palate, I find. But you really couldn't drink more than a few, unless you were out in the rain at backyard fire, in winter. or perhaps the snow.

A demain, je vais aller a habit pour parler le francais avec un amis qui aussi est pratique le francais pour les examens meme que moi, mais j'ai les examens dans le 17 Novembre. Cette semaine, je voyager a www.flashcardexchange.com beaucoup, parce que il y a beacoup des cartes de eclair de francais.

Bon soir!

(I doubt very much that my grammar is perfect, or even close, just a little caveat)

Zeke at Sombrio

2009-10-31T11:18:00.001-07:00

Zeke at Sombrio
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

"Mom and Dad, you've been holding out on me! What is this glorious thing I am sitting on?"..."Sand? awesome! I am going to eat it, and wear it, and throw it, and pretty much everything I can think of. what? we're leaving? Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

you should have seen the whale.

2009-10-31T11:15:00.001-07:00

you should have seen the whale.
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

Surfing on the west coast of Vancouver Island, mysterious hand injury coincides with sighting a grey whale. but you should see the other guy. (okay, it was barnacles) but we had a lot of fun, even though I still don't know how to surf well, or at all really, but like I said, it was an amazing experience. Totally glad that my buddy Ian from school had gear to lend me.

Grey Whale

2009-10-31T08:38:00.000-07:00

I was surfing yesterday, at Sombrio beach, and there was a grey whale in the water near us. like 50 yeards, maybe 70 yards, it was really one of the coolest experiences I think ever. I mean, I have seen whales from boats before, but only once, and to have this whale who was kind of hanging around while we surfed, words don't properly describe it. Q always calls them effing majestic, and its true. Majesty is a word we don't often use except in church, and I think for good reason. but this whale, though I think a juvenile, was majestic. peaceful.
I am really not much of a surfer, I really don't know what I am doing, but the people I was with, didn't care, we were all out there, having a blast, and then this whale pops up and says hi. it was beautiful.

Razorrection/Parenting

2009-10-21T07:24:00.001-07:00

Razorrection
Originally uploaded by pasivirta

I just love this picture so much, and I miss these guys a lot. Its been since this day that we were last all together, I think, and that is far too long. Life has morphed in many ways for all of us, we all look a little different, not much.

Last night, zeke had this crazy sounding sore throat, where every time he would breathe when he was lying down, it sounded like a dry cough. We fixed him up with some steam, and a better position to sleep in, but at first it was really scary. It was the first time I was scared for him. He falls and bumps his head sometimes, and he cries, and its tough, but I kind of laugh and comfort him and tell him it will be okay, because a little bump and a few seconds of crying is not a big deal, but last night he was scared and in pain, and it really really sucked.
he's a little better now and he got some good sleep, so I am not as worried. Being a parent changes your perspective on things in a way that nothing else ever could.

Video/Other News

2009-10-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

A Video I made a few years back while doing my undergrad at TWU.

In other news, there is no other news. I will just have to wait until next week to find out when I can take the french test.

In reality, we never expected them to offer me the job, which is partly why we never really talked about it. That, and we have learned to not talk about possibilities before they become reality. But the reason we never expected an offer was because my french is mediocre, passable, but maybe not up to working with the french speaking public standards. we'll see.

OH, and this is rich. Yesterday, they asked me where I live, because if I live in Quebec, they can set up a test quickly. Where do I live? are you kidding? they offered me a job without realizing where I live? very unprofessional.

swear words

2009-10-15T15:28:00.001-07:00

Edit.

Dear Friends, this post has been edited for confidentiality's sake.

Love,
David

Moving

2009-10-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Well. we're moving.

Montreal, here we come.

we're excited and sad. Happy to finally have been offered a federal government job, saddened to leave behind a treasure trove of beautiful people. It makes me cry when I think about that part. There are so many people that I really don't want to be that far away from.
But excited at the adventure, the challenge, the opportunity.
but we're sad too. we'll miss you.

pray for us.

odd/family/pumpkin beer/Bachelorhood-briefly

2009-10-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

So last night, in church, a man told me that "These are our prayers, and if you don't know them and try to sing along, you mock God" which I thought was odd. I didn't think I was singing that poorly, but I was kind of humming and didn't know the translations. But I was also singing that one harmony in Tone 1 that really gives it its zazz, and maybe he couldn't hear the harmonies properly. anyways, it was weird. I couldn't believe a guy I have never met would talk to me like that. I mean, how un-canadian, and he really was quite canadian, ie, no audible accent. (and I have a good ear)

Anyways. It was weird. It also caused a bit of a row on facebook, but it was all good. I really like having discussions, and am all for being told the other side of things. My problem with this guy last night was how he said it. If he had quietly pointed out that usually people who sing, sing in the choir, and maybe I should go over there, I would have disagreed, but got the point, and been quiet. I just don't like being told to shut up when singing in church. Its...weird.

I watched duck hunting on TV this morning at work, and was thinking about things I can do with Zeke when he gets older, I would love to have a motorcycle for him that we can work on, slowly, a super cheap little bike that he can ride around when he gets his licence (so I don't have to drive him everywhere) but also because doing projects like that is really cool. I made a model with my dad when I was super young and it was really fun. I also just put a new distributor in my car, and while I have not grown up feeling mechanically inclined, wrenches are not that complicated. It's either push or pull.

just about 1/3 of the way through a year of not smoking at all. the frequency of mentioning it is going down, but I still think about it. clearly I am not physically dependant on it, but also evidently I am emotionally attached to the idea. more likely it is the image. one night Gabe and James and I all had G&T's and cloves, and took some photos and wandered to 7-11 when we all lived on eastleigh, it was very high school.

L and Z are on the mainland, and have been since wednesday. I thought that I would have fun, doing all the things I want to do but am too busy to do, but really, I just miss them and wish they were back here so I could do those things with them. It is like someone took the salt away from my life. I am fine, but everything tastes bland and I would rather be with them and tired, than alone and sort of tired. I did go to yoga again, which was awesome. and I doddled my way home from work and had a terrible free espresso at discovery, which is generally one of the best in town. I saw Chris there, which was cool. I stopped at a few garage sales, but nothing like the previous week where I got a free bike. fantastic.
today I miss church while on the ferry, which is too bad. but I get to see my family, and for that, I am very excited. very. vferry. puns like that don't work online as well.

and I just found yet another childhood friend on the ol facebook. one of my fort building, skateboarding, black hair dying buddies. good times.

Happy Turkey!

one more thing. I know I whine a lot, but its because I want the truth to win out. When it comes to my life, and I am reflective, I know I have nothing to complain about. I have a beautiful wife and son, and really, what is better than that? Nothing.

Imagning the Future

2009-10-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

Clever title eh?

So, I know you haven't even had time to comment on the last one, but here's another ramble.
Imagine if the future has national boundaries that are drawn on ideological lines.

the example is this:
All of the people who are neo-luddites like C. Townsend et al and don't like technology and its dehumanization of everything band together, buy a chunk of land somewhere in the nether regions of Montana or Southeastern BC and set up their own country. It would be small, the size of a city, but there would be no internet and everything would be grown locally and made locally. I know it sounds utopian, but wait, there's more.
Other nations would be based on things like brand identity, Appleland and Blackberria could have annual tech wars. like color wars, only different.
imagine the possibilities.

ROCOR

2009-10-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

well, goodness.
I don't know why I had such a questionable impression of the ROCOR church, I suppose it has something to do with the fact that we only very recently returned to official communion with them, which I find a bit odd, and to be sure the extra prayer that gives a dash of nationalism to the liturgy was a bit offensive. I am not exaggerating, I mean exactly that, it was only a mild offense, but it was offensive. It was a part of one of the litanies and it was a prayer for those in Russia and those in the Diaspora, and I think the use of the word Diaspora implies that Russia is The Homeland of the church, in the same way that a young midwesterner may be surprised to find that Jesus was in fact not a white american.
but at the same time, the name of the church says it, Russian Orthodox Church Abroad. I think it will be a long time before we get real orthodox unity, and I wonder how bad that is. Partially because the church we went to today had a definite Russian flavour, but man did I like it. I mean, I love my home church, it is my family, and I love it.
Today, we experienced serious beauty. It was serious, in that they were working on a beautiful, and I mean beautiful mosaic Pantocrator icon in their very small dome. The dome was wonderful too, a brilliant work of architecture that is hard to understand from the outside because it is so subtle and not at all dome shaped, but inside is perfectly orthodox and clearly intended that way. Anyways, it is not finished, but what is there is absolutely beautiful and serious. Professional.
When I was writing an MA thesis, a hundred years ago, one of the big themes was going to be the difference between the meaning of professional and amateur. Etymologically speaking, one who claims to be able to do something is a professional, they profess ability in a field. One who is an amateur is one who loves what they are doing, but doesn't claim a level of ability.
The whole church was set up by people who were serious and thoughtful about what they were doing, and they knew the right way to do it. There was a little strip of mosaic, halfway up the wall, simple geometric pattern, but it was classy.
The choir was prepared and very easy to understand, though the congregation didn't sing along that much, I found it quite easy to join in because they did all the familiar tones, though some translations were different ie Habitation=Commonwealth(?) But the whole thing was so well put together, everyone was quiet and serious including the kids, it sort of made me sit up and pay attention.
I was glad to visit the ROCOR church, because I had never been, and I had a bad impression which has been erased and replaced by good memories. I am sure we will go to their vespers some sunday night.

GLEE/Organic Farm/Asceticism vs Pleaure/

2009-09-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

I have been watching GLEE, and I love it. It is somewhat formulaic, in that the show is not deep, but reflects so much of high school politics, and probably is the result of the success of the high school musical series, and the nostalgia of the genre in general, but it is capturing something that I think a lot of people are going to relate to. Now, I have said before here that I don't think competition is what Jesus had in mind, in general, at all. ok, that may be a nuanced version of what I said, but its what I was one day going to think that I meant. I don't think competition at its root is reflecting the glory of God, but creating and taking glory for ourselves, which is the essence of our screwed up world. Taking something good and instead of seeing the goodness of God in it, seeing the goodness of ourselves in it, which is actually I think a misinterpretation, which can't always be blamed on the one doing the interpreting, so thank God that he is merciful.
But this show is so entrenched in competition that it makes me cringe, but I think that's what High School is like for just about everyone, and its hilarious the way they do things, well, some things. other things make me cringe.
you know, as I write this, I wonder if I will like it by the end of the season, things that are easy to like quickly, often are too much of something, too sweet, too salty, etc, and maybe this won't last. But I am liking the struggle of the music teacher, cause that is what I will be doing soon too. I grew up and went through a music program that was fantastic, but never entered competitions, not because we really weren't excellent, my school won every category it entered at national festivals during the 80's, but our teachers thought that non competitive festivals were more focused on sharing and education, and I agree.

We found a fantastic organic farm today on our saturday family ramble, we were driving out towards sooke, and stopped at a place with a sign for eggs. They were sold out, but they took us to their HUGE garden, and cut us some chard, red onions, beans, orange peppers, tomatoes, basil, kale, zucchini, and they had strawberries that were just getting ripe, and grapes, and everything you can think of. and chickens. It was like my dream of the future. literally. you should come and see it. It was beautiful.

If monks take the road of asceticism towards holiness, does that mean that those of us who are not ascetics are meant to enjoy things that God has given us as a way of glorifying Him? I mean, I know the answer is yes, but I never thought of it as a duality, where we can say that we are categorically not ascetics. We are meant to fast, and pray, but we also have moments and opportunities to see God through the consumption of his many gifts to us, both edible and not, with which to see and reflect His glory, giving thanks in word and deed. The garden and making music are both examples of that, and I am hopeful that despite the fact that I don't feel much like I did when I talked about church a lot more, that I am still growing towards that state of being we all know we are meant for.

It was so nice to take a little family trip today, we stopped at a little fair in luxton, and eventually did find backyard eggs from an old old guy down the street from the fair, it was great. I don't get to encounter really old people much these days, it was nice.

fantastic voyage

2009-09-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

We had a great time in seattle, seeing Moses received into the church. The russian priest, Fr. Yuri, really threw down. I like his style. Poor Moses, however, was not as pleased. Fr baptized him for real, plunging him in and out of the water quite vigorously, but carefully. I loved it. I wish Fr. Lawrence had thrown me in like that. Plus, because it was built as an orthodox church, Fr. instructed them to not be weak when it came to spitting on the Devil, so J spit on him good. It was, in the truest sense, awesome.

then we had a toast to Moses, that he would grow up strong, and ate some good food while the canadian and american in-laws had a raging debate about healthcare. they almost got into the octagon ring. good times.
Also, I saw an old friend, Dmitri, who I met on a road trip on the way back from memphis with the orthodorks, and he had just married someone who I knew from T dub. small world.

but a good one.

The Day/Choral Teaching

2009-09-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

So today was my interview for a position in Montreal. I almost typed 'at Montreal' which I hope gives an indication of how much I have been trying to think in French and learn more, but its not an indication that I am fantastic at le langue. My Interview went really well, but because I lack a particular level of skills, I don't think there is much risk of moving or actually being offered the position. I will happily stay here and finish my schooling and become a choir teacher, there isn't much that I love in the world more than working on choral music and personal development, as I think singing is so related to personal growth.
When people are able to learn about their voice, it helps them learn about themselves. They learn who they are as people, they learn how to separate themselves from their ability, as far as value and identity is concerned. So many of us attribute our value to our ability in a certain area, but I think as a teacher of music, I will (and have had) have the opportunity to help people realize that their value lies only in ultimate and final questions, God, life, death, resurrection, etc. As a teacher it will have to remain vague, necessarily, but kids will see the truth of love in my life, and I don't worry about the rest. In other contexts, it is possible to be direct, like in church, but the people have to be open to it, which is also hard, because they are volunteers, which is different than in school, when the kids sign up to be taught.
Nonetheless, being in a choir can be very personally challenging, which is specifically why I love leading such an endeavor. It is like leading a mountain climbing expedition, someone is going to get hurt, someone won't make it to the top, but everyone comes out better for it.
Singing is such a vulnerable thing at first, which is why it is such a hard thing to deal with, it is easy for people to get hurt in the process, but because it is so vulnerable, there is such potential for beautiful creation too.
Being in a choir can be so beautiful.

In other news, open house was nice tonight, three people showed up, and we had a great talk about vaccination, we are continuously learning about when/why to vaccinate Z. we decided to wait a bit, but are learning all sorts of things on both sides, so we will see. we of course will have him vaccinated, it is just a matter of when.
I bought some cheap beer, and it was surprisingly good, maybe my tastes have changed, maybe I am going the way of the valley finn, GL, and then people won't drink my beer at new years. we'll see.
still no nicotine, which is healthy, and good, I am sure. Fr. L is my inspiration for a year of abstinence for life insurance. I remember his hardy but faithful refusal and yet his appreciation for the aroma.
Tomorrow we sell the car to a dealer, which is a good thing. They are giving us a fair price, and we are getting an old Honda, which is good, but hard to go from a brand new car to one with 200K plus KM on it. but whatever, it is what it is, and its where we are at, so there's no point in being put out by it. I think that humility is just knowing where we are, and this is where we are.
trying to live within our means.

This weekend is seattle to see J and K's baby M baptized. can't wait.

oh, and I loved Julie and Julia. best line? "You can never have too much Butter!"
we had a date when my mom came to babysit on monday, we had salmon for lunch and a lovely visit.

I love my parents.