Pleasure vs. Joy, also ten years of blogging.

I live in a beautiful place that is conducive to living a life of pleasure. Every day, we live for pleasure. I could bike all winter on any number of trails, using a snow bike, or I could snowshoe, XC Ski, Downhill ski, snowboard, fish, hunt, run etc. In the summer I can trade the winter activities for summer things. People refer to Fernie as Never-Never-Land, where we can be kids forever, and it makes me wonder. I love enjoying these activities, and I hope that as I do, I am offering thanks in word and deed for the life I get to live, showing my kids to be grateful and appreciate all they have been giving, but as they grow up I see reflected in their attitudes something that I fear I show often: Entitlement. I hate to say it but I think I feel like I deserve all this fun, like it's my turn to get that foot of powder, catch that trout, etc. I deserve it. I know it's hard to really understand all of our own motives, perhaps impossible unless you live near Gibsons, but I was talking to a friend recently and we sort of realized that one of the values of living in this town is fun. Was it fun? how was your weekend? Oh, you skied, did you have fun? the snow was bad? aw, that's too bad. Too cold? another tragedy. But really, what am I doing here? fully engaged with the fun, and loving it. How can I show/be the Love that I know, the discipline that I crave and get better at what I say matters? I want my kids to grow up a certain way, but I think I am demonstrating something else.
Then, there's the other side, where maybe I have been given a sweet gift, and I can fully enjoy it and bounce through the mountains and call it Joy and be grateful for what God has allowed. But the rub with that is that I don't deserve it, it's not a gift from God and it is all the same time. How can I dare to say that my amazing life is a gift from God? I can't, I can only say that life itself is a gift from God, and how we respond to it might be yet another gift, because I could be a jerk and not see that I have this worm of entitlement inside me, so I am glad I can at least see it, or I could refuse it thinking that I know better than God about what to do in this moment.
The rain falls on the on the sinner and the good, and everything is meaningless, so perhaps even to try and understand it is futile and instead we should just go to church and continue to plow furrows ever so slowly. I imagine I wrote a post like this sometime in the last decade of this blog, which I am now upon, having started in 2005.

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

it's a huge trap now days, entitlement and it can come in many forms; I've worked for this (school or whatever) and now I should get that dream job or what have you.

I think there is a Greek monastery in Washington; I know B&P went once this past year; that may be an option when Gibsons is not. ... I know that I can feel 'reset' by a monastery visit and boy do I need them.

It's about 10 years of blogging for me as well.