deconstruction...and feelings

It is far too easy for me to deconstruct all of the things I love to do, which is problematic. I could easily find joy in a number of recreational things, such as mountain biking, hiking, running (which I actually am enjoying lately) watching hockey, playing music with friends, I can't even name them all. I guess snowboarding, snowshoeing, skiing, all of the sports things that are in abundance here.
They could all be called 'meaningless' a la ecclesiastes. But I know for sure that singing and fishing/hunting don't fall into those categories for me. which I find interesting. Those two feel like they have some ontological significance, but is that just an interpretation? anyways, sometimes I wish I hadn't gone to grad school so that I would stop looking at things in a particular way and just be.
Life here is good. So many good things, to be sure. I ran yesterday, and have been running and biking lots, so that I don't even want to have a djarum, but then part of me does want that selfish romantic moment, which is probably still a lie. And there we go again. Overthinking, or battling shoulder beings.
The year is winding down, which is also interesting, the summer should prove a fun break, and we'll see what it brings. Good visits and fishing and biking.
Z has been TEARING IT UP on his bike. I am so impressed with his bike skills, it blows me away. I have videos that I have put up on FB from youtube. He's really getting quite good. So I guess I like biking too, but when it is something for it's own sake it seems a bit weird, or pointless, and maybe that is the entire point, it isn't the thing itself, but the spirit behind it, and maybe the Spirit is harder to see here. or feel. (which I guess is ok, since life and orthodoxy aren't based on how I feel)

1 comment:

Schmidty said...

In my opinion, life is a difficult balance between doing things for others and doing things that enrich your spirit. The only way I justify doing things for myself is the witness of people I know who have never taken any time "for them" and it eventually leads to depression and self loathing and jealousy in others who do take the time to nurture the self a bit more. I also know that I'm a nicer person when I get a chance to renew myself through running, being in nature or other outdoor activities. I'll argue with anyone who calls it purely selfish. Further there are societal and health benefits to all that activity - less heart problems, reduced illness, increased mental health, less taxing on the health care system and on and on. So, as long as you can maintain your relationships (aka-make sure you spend enough wife and family time) while pursuing your interests I see a lot of benefits in this pursuits, which can be called 'meaningless' to some. It's interesting how people will question how you spend your time if you run for a few hours, but won't question their own time if they golf for a day or watch a 3 hr movie.