Practicum Update/Reflection

So I need to remind myself not to take everything personally, which is hard, because I am sensitive about teaching now, especially in this time where it is still somewhat uncertain. My teachers and mentor have been positive, in words and in writing, and my main sponsor teacher asked me to teach in his english 8 class next week, so that's really exciting, and it is a vote of confidence because it shows that he thinks I can spend a bit of time prepping for english classes instead of focusing only on music. So that is good, and it means that in general I am doing okay, or even well. But when I get vocal inflections that mean anything less than 'you are doing really well and improving every day' I take it personally and don't feel great about the whole situation. I haven't felt this vulnerable in a long while, and I am sure it is helpful and healthy in the long run, but right now its tough.
I am so tired. I fell asleep before seven pm tonight, while putting zeke to sleep and woke up sometime after 730, a weird time for a nap.
So now I need a mental break and am playing DMB as loud as my ears can handle and writing to all of you.
I am teaching Jr Band tomorrow morning, a class that by serendipity I haven't taught in about 3 weeks, which is almost an eternity. So I don't really know how to approach them because its been so long, but I have to do something. And I do have music to work on with them, which I am sure will be fun. I just wish I could be less afraid of the fact that I am being assessed. I know they have the best of intentions, its almost just the form of someone sitting there and assessing. The human psyche is fragile, or at least that part of mine is. At the same time, it is less and less so every day, thank God.

1 comment:

Victoria said...

my practicum was the best/worst time of my life.
it does end. oh man, you're dredging up memories.
good luck my friend.