10.08.2011

I have been thinking about career a lot lately. listening to Dave Ramsey show often, changing the way I think about money. I look forward to finishing and being a teacher, but I am less worried about having a really gratifying career, which I know teaching would be, than I am about paying off my student loans and taking care of my family. My priority is taking care of my family, and if I have a job that I can enjoy, that will be a great bonus. I feel like the disney dream of everyone deserves a job that they feel fulfilled every moment of the day is the same as the naive ideal we learn about in american rom-com movies where the emotional state of a relationship is the only thing that matters. feelings. I became orthodox so I wouldn't worship my feelings, positive or negative, and I think that applies to career the same way it applies to marriage and everything else. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be married to L and I think being a music teacher would/will be wonderful, but I think it is possible to approach these things with a balanced view, where we hold it all in tension. If I don't end up being a music teacher, but can provide for my family, I will be content. Also, I want to live somewhere I can have chickens and maybe a goat. Having built a chicken coop and having our own supply of food was such a gratifying experience, It felt like I was succeeding at taking care of my family. I don't mind my current job but I don't feel like its enough. I wish I had know some of these things when I was younger, road regrets maybe. repentance, to change the way one thinks, it seems much less an emotional process now than when I was young. I would have done things so differently. Zeke and I have been building blocks this morning, so I will get back to the important work of toddler construction/destruction.

4 comments:

Donna Farley said...

"I wish I had know some of these things when I was younger, road regrets maybe. repentance, to change the way one thinks, it seems much less an emotional process now than when I was young."

"You cannot change your wisdom for the youth that you've been missin'/don't you know that it all comes together as you grow." Burton Cummings. :-)

elizabeth said...

somehow we have to go through youth so that we can know more later. some good thoughts here. enjoy your son! :)

RW said...

you are right where you need to be.
i believe that.
doesn't mean we are not going places.

Victoria said...

good thoughts. my same struggle as well. about the 'career' thing. and thinking about what defines me.