well, I am working again, which is good. and tired.

Laurenn is not quite as sick, though still completely exhausted. she doesn't seem to think she is doing too much better, but her tone of voice and her ability to tolerate the crazy lovely 2 year old has grown, so things are more peaceful, if nothing else.
and now I go to practice piano.


practicum pt 2


I spoke with the Dean today, and they said that I can redo my practicum in september, which is nice, because Laurenn is due in December, and I know that trying to do a practicum with an infant would be a bad idea. hard enough with a toddler, but two young kids? sheesh.
I do have to pay for it, the reports are damning enough that they see my lesson planning as a threat to my ability to teach. I worked quite hard at improving the way I did planning throughout the practicum, and my lesson plans improved drastically. Not enough they said.

So perhaps we try again in September. now to find work for the summer, which I had been waiting to do because I thought I would be finding more permanent work outside the education field. It is not all decided, Laurenn is too sick to carry on much of a conversation, but this 'seems best to us and to God' (as it were) so I suspect that is how it will play out.


Existentialism and the Womb

So, this is a little from left field, but here it is.

If life starts in the womb, then it makes sense that the soul is educated about boundaries as safety early on, because the person who is being developed in safety and security is surrounded by a loving boundary of life giving person. The person is the boundary, and it is existentially impossible to break that boundary.
If life however, starts outside the womb, there is no such thing as a boundary in the context of the first developments of the human, but merely the terror of brightness, or something, and if so, why should a baby cry, there is nothing to have experienced before birth.
Community is also inextricable from existence, the person cannot function without a) the boundary and b) the other who is giving and sustaining. The loving mother, careful one who suffers her own body for the process.

(musings from pregnancy)

See you tomorrow, or this morning!



Alright Folks,

here is the first protected update.

I failed my practicum. I am currently appealing because the practicum handbook states that "if failure is contemplated, the student teacher must be on probation by the 8th week" and I seemed to be doing well and succeeding well into the 10th week. So...while there are other issues as well, they very clearly didn't follow procedure. I also believe that their assessment practices were what got me into this place to begin with. If they had assessed me properly when I arrived, they would have been able to tell me exactly where to improve and to what standard. So there were a few problems with the way the practicum went, not least of which was the fact that I thought I was doing well for so much of it. My favourite class was 55 grade 9 students. FIFTY FIVE! there is a reason class size is legislated, but music teachers can ask for more because of the different types of music which will suit larger or smaller groups. Anyways, I had no trouble keeping them engaged, and they really enjoyed our time together, as did I. I got quite teary when I had to see them after I had failed, and I didn't speak so as not to break down, but they all told me that they missed me and wished I could stay, so I waved and tried to communicate that I really appreciated my time with them. I had other classes that I enjoyed as well, but they were my favourite. It was so weird.

I must take responsibility for the negative things that happened, I lost my keys, I lost a paper copy of a lesson plan (but I had my computer so I had a back up copy, but my teachers don't believe in computers apparently), I was late putting marks into the computer, but again that was a communication error between my sponsor and myself, which I of course was at fault for.

I definitely should have been playing piano more each day, and I will continue to work at that, but that is the sort of content knowledge that grows throughout a career, AND should have been assessed at the beginning.

anyways, at this point I am not going to do it right away this coming january, because it would be too financially stressful for our family. I know that being a music teacher can fall into the category of 'calling' or 'vocation' without much doubt for me, but I know that my priority is to take care of my family. Which, is growing.

Laurenn is due in December sometime, which is exciting, we are very happy, well, except that she is super nauseous all the time and will be for 12 more weeks (if last time was any indicator) it is better this time though, as we realize that blood sugar levels affect nausea, so we are careful to have no sugar around, no simple carbs etc, whereas last time we gave her lots of ginger ale and soda crackers and wondered why she was so sick all the time. oh man. anyways, no hospital trips yet, thank God.

I am looking for career type work at this point, knowing that I can go back to my practicum again at some point, but if I find career type work in the meantime, I will happily take it and stabilize the financial side of my family life. We have been poor students for too long, and its time for some stability. I am participating in a strategic job search program in cloverdale starting in June, so that will be good, and in the meantime I will be doing odd jobs as I can't be employed to be elgible to participate in the program. I also am working with the foster kids on call like I did before when I was living in langley. Thank God I have been given 4 shifts (24 hours) in the last week or so, which means we will survive for the time being, hopefully I get a few more as the month continues.

pray for us,



Hi All,

I am going to make this a protected blog, but I am happy to share with you, the reader, the password.
shoot me a message however you like, but in a week or so, this will no longer be public (at least that is my current plan)