5.06.2010

oh life

is bigger.

and we live across the street from the ocean, I just got a piano, its beautiful. nothing fancy, but certainly worth the two benjamins it cost. had it delivered, (you are welcome, crew of moving friends, for not ruining your backs)

we have a great life. I have plans, dreams, ideas, I want us all to live on a property, I want to finance it, build it, sell the properties, or lease the homes, or whatever. I don;t even care about money, but I can't ask people for money, and I know a bunch of people who would do it if they could, if it was available. I know enough people who are into it, that it could be done, it just takes someone willing to do the work. one day.
I can't wait to be a teacher as well, I hope to find out soon, but I might be doing my practicum at Mountain in langley, near St. H. which would be very very cool. The teachers there are good, at least the choral teacher, I heard the group at Banff. Banff was so great.
and the Greyhound is terrible, never ever take the greyhound. I mean, its fine, but it was really not restful, to get to banff and need to sleep the whole next day was not worth the hundred dollars less, and I wasn't even paying for it. next time, flying to calgary, or driving a car.
But it was great, I learned a lot, hobnobbed with important people, had a drink with my old choir teacher, learned a lot, heard great groups (go look up the Kokopelli Choir on youtube, they are great) and was so so inspired to be a teacher.

I sure did miss my family too, but maybe they can come next time.


So here's the question of the day. (and its not a current issue, otherwise I wouldn't blog about it)

When you are having an argument with your spouse (Laurenn and I never argue, we are both perfect) how do you decide who wins? a disagreement is de facto both of us being sure that the other is wrong, both of us are using logic (right) so how do we solve it? I like watching the marriage ref, because though it is humour, I still think they are getting at something. Its okay for someone to be right and someone to be wrong but how do you get there without a ref? and who should be that referee? sometimes I think our church leaders could fill that role, even though its a bit of a risk to get involved, I think if we ask someone to help us see outside of our perspective, that could be helpful.

any thoughts?


also, music I have been listening to lately: Wailin Jenny's, Rajaton,

and I am LOVING David B Hart's "Atheist Delusions" which my Dad bought me for my birthday. Its fantastic.

don't forget to click on the picture below for more lovely shots of zeke. and my garden is coming along nicely too.

6 comments:

Victoria said...

hmm. in a fight between husband and wife, it really isn't ok, most of the time, to expect a clear winner in the end. the fights in a marriage are never that black and white.
marriage is not a boxing match, even though it feels like that sometimes.

theresia said...

The winner and loser game doesn't seem to work in a partnership(due to emotional baggage on both sides). As much as each person might be tempted to be "me" fighting the other "me" wanting a clear result,this would most likely boost one person's ego and create resentment in the other .
The goal should be "us" focusing on SOLVING A PROBLEM (never mind who created the problem which is already in the past at the time of the fight). Depending on the situation, one way of getting there might be to give up the right to be "right" and to Agree To Disagree instead, and MOVE ON without wasting too much emotional energy.

Anastasia said...

I don't know - I'm not married but in my experience it usually isn't that one person is right and the other is wrong; instead, it's usually more where both people say valid things and also sometimes hurtful things or things which they don't mean. It usually ends with both sides apologizing. Fighting in general feels awful I think, so it would be hard to feel like you won something from that.

elizabeth said...

so glad you have dreams for your future; and young Zeke is tres cute.

arguments - well - hmmm. (what I say in the rest of my comment is my thoughts in general, not a reflection anyone or specific marriages that I have seen...)

I have not dated or married as of yet - but am realizing that on both sides of a friendship there can be things that are going wrong and on both sides they are quite legitimately real. So I agree that there is not winners or losers. Rather two broken people with needs and hurts and different perspectives. Am reading a book (for women) which had a line in it about marriage being a place where one can be safe emotionally and be supported. The book also said that marriage takes a lot of work and that it is not automatically a great or even good marriage, without work. So it seems if the goal is to create a space for the other person to be supported and safe to be vulnerable enough to have a place to be themselves and accepted, then there is not a winner or loser. Rather marriage seems to need an asceticism that would mean that prayerfully both are seeking to create a space where both people can seek to uphold the other and hear them and try to move towards a solution that can work for both people. If both are trying to win over the other, than neither person is necessarily really practicing quietness or love towards the other; love and humility go hand in hand and the humble seek to see the other's good... but yet this does not mean that one has poor boundaries about what they mean or need; no that is why marriage, it seems, is ultimately to be a partnership so that the marriage is slowly built up with love, communication, loving honesty and prayer.

To do this however, I think, will take a lifetime. But shifting from a winner-loser paradigm to a partnership-building paradigm may help. And spiritual fathers and mothers and confession.

And (which I am learning is also important (i.e. relaxation) laughing and having fun with each other.

Anyway, there are my two cents. :)

So glad you got the Piano!

Christ is Risen!

pasivirta said...

I agree with a lot of this, but I think what I mean is that when two people disagree, sometimes an outside observer can be helpful. a peer review of sorts. I know its not always about being right, but its possible to get better perspective from someone outside. no?

Donna Farley said...

Life is not a game, but if it were, married people would be on the same team.

In reality however, they are much more than teammates-- they are one flesh. Marriage is more like a dance, a ballroom dance in which the husband leads and the wife trusts and follows his lead. If the husband steps wrong, or the wife goes left when he was leading her to the right, they are going to trip up. Or one of them may suddenly get ill, or have prior injuries-- things from their 'family of origin' if you will-- that flare up while they are on the dance floor. Or there may be a clash simply because each of them has learned to dance in a different style from their original dance teachers, their parents.

If there's a little stumble, they can laugh and then carry on. If one of them thought they should be waltzing and the other was trying to tango, then there is a decision to make-- waltz, tango, or something else entirely? They might ask other couples on the floor for ideas and suggestions, but they will have to make their own decision.

But if one of them falls down, or they keep stepping on each other's feet, they need to stop and get themselves re-organized.

Sure, a dance coach might help, but only if they _both_ want to bring in a dance coach, and can agree on which dance coach to use. And if the dance coach is actually competent to teach them what they need to know for their particular problem.