I am so happy to hear about JD Salinger's life, he seems to have lived well, and succeeded in living quietly, which is something myriad of us are unable to do. After reading Franny and Zooey, I keep thinking he must have wished he were orthodox, but somehow knew he couldn't. Right or wrong, I wonder.
The quiet life. it will be many years until I know quiet again. I met it once, it can be found after a short ferry ride and a 45 minute walk, or a shorter hitch hike. Quiet lives near a pulp mill and a trailer park, and it is hard to get there, even harder now. Perhaps one day I will learn to make a place for quiet to live in the same place that I live. Lord have mercy.
Man, I really loved Franny and Zooey, and I really want to read his other books. I hope beyond hope that there are manuscripts that will be published post mortem, but I doubt it.
I still have a lot of work, and I am hoping to visit vancouver during the olympics, we'll see.



Originally uploaded by pasivirta
Dad, is should say being beautiful is hard, cause, really, my life is so hard. all this eating and sleeping and crying business, its tough. being this cute is dang hard work man, cut me some slack eh daddy-o?


On Being a Teacher, future tense.

I can't wait.

Every day, I am involved in thinking about how I will be a teacher, because I am taking education classes and reading all sorts of boring, not very heady, literature. Articles that are very practical, but not very exciting like my aesthetics or existentialism of yesteryear. but anyways, I keep on thinking about what it will be like to be a teacher, and I can't wait, I am so excited, but also thrilled at the prospect of how it is going to force me to be a better more responsible person. I am already much more organized than I have been in the past, and I will have to own that and make it a normal reality.
I even look forward to the possibility of doing musicals, which is something that I never did when I was younger.
I can't actually remember the main point I was going to make, but I am very very excited for becoming a teacher.

I have started looking into my practicum, and if I have my druthers, it will be in Fort Langley, because they have a fantastic choral program there.


Date Night

Laurenn and I got to have a little date tonight, Laurenn's mom is here for a couple of nights, so she looked after zeke while we went across the street to have a little bonfire. we are fortunate to live across the street from the ocean (!) so we went to a little hidden spot where no one could see the fire and tried to burn wet driftwood. It took forever but we got a little fire going. It was nice, we just had a breath of stillness, a short chat, and it was really nice. I can't wait until we can all go camping as a family. teach zeke to play with fire properly. maybe go fishing. it will be quiet. I like the quiet more these days. though I think we will have open house again soon. details to come.




that's about it.

very busy. tired.


miss you all. come visit sometime. or write.



Well, it was bound to happen.
I feel as though I am now a Man, and I ought to act like it. Be organized, learn how to transpose properly in case I ever teach band, learn as much as I possibly can, because once I am actually teaching, there's a lot riding on it.
I am in school, and I feel like I am about to hit Flow and not stop til it all lets go in April. have you heard of Flow? It's an Ed term I think, maybe Psych, where you are at optimal learning to doing to new stuff ratio (or something) and you lose track of time because you are in the moment, the zone, everything just flows. I feel like I am about to grab a moving train, and its going to take me pretty quickly to these places and I will look back in a few years and be surprised. we'll see.
Lord have mercy, bring it on.

and the title of the post, Professional, is my word of the year. I am one who makes a claim of being an expert, I Profess that I know what I am talking about when it comes to music, specifically teaching music to high school students. If I profess such a thing, I better get it together.
I am also a lover of music, but I have left the realm of amateur by claiming to be one who knows. not that I get paid much yet.


it is also my goal, to live more professionally. to do things right. I finally got real cycling pants and am about to get a jacket, and bike everywhere so we don't use the old horse as much. our car is an old horse. everything. church, cycling, work, school, music, flow, yoga, family, everything. professional.

Dear People

I do not hate you, nor does God.

recently, I am in the middle of a discussion with a friend at school, and she, knowing I am a christian, said "...but God hates fags, doesn't He?" and then she sort of quoted Romans, which says something completely different, but nevermind the interpretive jump.
What I want to say here totally sidesteps the argument. I hope.
(and I have a few readers who will correct me if I am wrong, please)
If you are not a Christian, why does it matter what the Christian code of conduct is? First of all, God loves everyone, and I agree with the bible that Men and Women fit together. That is a very loose translation. but there are SO many other things in the bible, nobody should be as hung up on this as everyone seems to be. Great, you're Gay. fantastic, how was your day? what did you eat for supper? I know sexuality is a big deal, but there are a lot of heterosexual people who find their identity in their sexuality (see a recent XKCD comic) and that is just as annoying or immature. I am not worried about who you are or aren't sleeping with or if they are the same or different from you.
A teacher recently pointed out that undergraduate students seem to equate ideas (maybe ideologies) with personal value or identity. If I disagree with your veganism, oil consumption, womens studies scholarship, unitarian church, islam, judaism, protestantism, liberalism, fundamentalism, or ANY other idea or practice, it doesn't mean I hate you, or that we can't sit and drink a beer together, or that you will be a bad teacher.
Now, you should all realize that none of my friends who are Gay have said anything to me about this, so perhaps they don't feel this way, but its kind of funny, I feel judged because I am a Christian. So all of this to say, Yes, I am a Christian, NO, I am not a hater. I don't even dislike people based on what they do in the bedroom.

Also, even if Christians like myself read in the bible that being Gay is not what we were made for (not getting into the evolution/creation debate here either,)that doesn't mean that my interpretation and beliefs should affect you in the least, because its all up to the individual, right? Now, if you want to be a Christian, and actively Gay, then you are doing some interpretive tricks that are really more of a philosophical problem (at least at the outset) than a spiritual one.

the short version is this: Christians behave a certain way (ha) or try to.
If you are not a Christian, and don't plan on being one, why would the Christian worldview matter?


so glad

to be back in school.
I can't wait to be a teacher.



reflections on a year, perhaps a decade.

the first thing to say is that I reflect less and watch tv more. an interesting development to say the least. when I was in school, I didn't have time to watch tv, so I became quite self righteous about my lack of knowing what was happening in the world of tv, so I have spent the last while catching up.

I spent a few summers far flung, places like massachusetts, timmins, smithers, ukraine, okanagan, california, montana. I managed to hitch-hike a few times, nothing serious. I rode my small-ish motorcycle to ontario one summer.

I finished two degrees.

I became orthodox.

I visited a monastery.

I became a husband and then a father.

I remembered what I want to be when I grow up, a choir teacher in high school, and I will start the next decade (a year and a bit from now) by finishing that school session, I might even get another degree, depending where I finish. I have applied to finish my B.Ed at UBC, but I am accepted at UVIC already.

I hiked, fished, hunted, surfed, mountain biked, and read. boy did I read.

I would say of all of these things, the most important moment of the last decade was becoming orthodox, it, more than anything else, changed the direction of my life.

So there you have it, August 16th 2005. my moment of the decade.