I have realized a few things

a few things

I cannot fix anything external to myself, and I am not responsible for anyone outside my family. forgive me for trying to change you, that is a temptation I fall into often.

Poverty takes many forms, and while I believe that Ghandi was right, that it is violence to enable laziness (that is a paraphrase, but accurate I think) We still ought to love the poor, as Jesus commanded many times. what does that mean? It does not mean lobbing electronic grenades, or criticizing the loving efforts of good people.
forgive me, for that is what I have done.

Basically, I have been helped to remember that my struggle is with myself, and that my Ego is often what I have to fight with, not yours. I can't win against your ego, but I can conquer my own.

I was drawn to orthodoxy for a few reasons. They didn't care if I liked them, they were secure and safe without me. I realize now that not everyone is like that, and my interpretation is colored by my history. Also, it doesn't matter, because God is secure and stable with or without me, but offers love. and I accept.
I was drawn to orthodoxy because it was confrontational and honest. Again, that is a particular brand, and one that I love, but it is not everyone and that is just fine.
I love everyone. period. I get along well with people who are like me, but I am realizing that my recent discontent has just as much to do with myself as with anyone else.

its a bit late, I better go to sleep.


elizabeth said...

Yeah. in the end the church brings us to confront ourselves and this is a great challenge.

Very good to realize that one must concern oneself with his or her own salvation and pray for one's brothers and sisters.

A very wise and loving hieromonk told me a few months ago that we cannot save anyone but must love them and so save ourselves.

amanda + daniel said...

thanks for sharing your thoughts dave, i think this is a struggle we all return to again & again (or at least i know i do!)