It's such a mystery, why is music the way it is?

and does it really direct us in the right direction? does the music matter? does the specific music matter?or is it all the same?

what makes something sacred? what is the point of performance?


I have realized a few things

a few things

I cannot fix anything external to myself, and I am not responsible for anyone outside my family. forgive me for trying to change you, that is a temptation I fall into often.

Poverty takes many forms, and while I believe that Ghandi was right, that it is violence to enable laziness (that is a paraphrase, but accurate I think) We still ought to love the poor, as Jesus commanded many times. what does that mean? It does not mean lobbing electronic grenades, or criticizing the loving efforts of good people.
forgive me, for that is what I have done.

Basically, I have been helped to remember that my struggle is with myself, and that my Ego is often what I have to fight with, not yours. I can't win against your ego, but I can conquer my own.

I was drawn to orthodoxy for a few reasons. They didn't care if I liked them, they were secure and safe without me. I realize now that not everyone is like that, and my interpretation is colored by my history. Also, it doesn't matter, because God is secure and stable with or without me, but offers love. and I accept.
I was drawn to orthodoxy because it was confrontational and honest. Again, that is a particular brand, and one that I love, but it is not everyone and that is just fine.
I love everyone. period. I get along well with people who are like me, but I am realizing that my recent discontent has just as much to do with myself as with anyone else.

its a bit late, I better go to sleep.



Going to St. Hermans tomorrow, Desmond is being received. a long obedience.

can't wait to be there.

and I hope it snows.


Zeke walking

best ever.
Originally uploaded by pasivirta
Zeke took his first steps on sunday, these few steps here are probably still part of his first hundred or so, he has been walking quite a bit in fits and starts, its pretty amazing.
I was doing dishes and he snuck up on me from behind, walking from the living room, because he saw the garbage and no doubt wanted a snack. clearly we don't feed him enough.


In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king

Zeke has started to walk, its pretty incredible. I have a little video on my phone, but I need the micro SD card, when I get that back, I will put a little video up here. I can't find my point and shoot digital, its a panasonic lumix, perhaps one of you saw it somewhere on the mainland, or maybe in seattle, anyways, we have much less video to show off at this point. Anyways. He took his first steps in church. which I think was excellent. we were all quite shocked, not expecting him to walk nearly this soon and we are of course, very proud, even though perhaps our actions have nothing to do with his growth and development, we still like to take credit for it, secretly. but honestly, I have no idea. did I mention I don't like competition? I am such a sucker for it, and I think it is so unchristian, so forgive me if I sound competitive. It's not about comparing, just about good and bad, ultimate things, not better or worse than you. which, like I said, I am prone to.
In other news, Zeke is sick and kind of inconsolable. its a bummer. he is a hurtin unit, squealing in the way that says "Dad, I don't get it, this is pain like I have never felt before, why do I suffer so?" or "Mom, why aren't you fixing this broken glass on the throat thing that is happening here?" anyways, its weird because it comes and goes, but I was sick a few days ago, and now Laurenn and Zeke have the sore throat, but its a short cold I think. At least Its not the H1N1, my boss has that, but she has stayed far away from work, thankfully.
we will be visiting the mainland again soon for a good while, we should be able to see a few people, and I am working at the butcher shop again for a few days, so that will be fun.
Also, we have decided to make hard cider at home, it's incredibly easy, and relatively inexpensive, I think the gear we each bought cost us a few dollars, on top of the ten dollar bottle of cider, its a pretty sweet deal and very crafty feeling for a large bottle of christmas hooch. what a word, hooch.

anyways, we'll see some of you soon, which is sweet.



Originally uploaded by pasivirta