Du Rien,

SO. I am going to work. which is nice. nice to have work to go to. I am also going to california this weekend for a music conference, which will be nice. the rain is also nice and calming, not that I need calming down, the rain keeps most of us west coasters calm until the sun comes out again. G and R are having a baby soon, that is exciting. Youth Group on friday was a lot of fun, I like those kids. I wish we had it more often, but the buses out here suck, so we'll see.

its so hard to see selfishness until its pointed out, and then when that happens, though I really want it, it sucks. I hate it. and I don't believe it either. its really hard to believe, because I think we are inclined, or at least I am, inclined to think well of myself. God loves me, how could I be being incorrectly.

It was nice to go to KF's bday the other night. I like all those people, she has a lot of beautiful friends. this writing thing is hard to get back into, there are so many thoughts that I need to figure out how to let out, but they just leave me when I sit down.

off to work. ta ta,


The weather is totally filled with crapulent moments. I am dying for multi-syllabic xanga entries that go nowhere. I every so often enjoy gmail chat, and my cell phone, and lusted after the apple Iphone, knowing I won't get one. I am listening to 21st century digital boy, by Bad Religion, who are geniuses.

that was senseless.

tonight there is open house, come over and we will create. I love my job, I work at Bethesda, a care home for adults. tomorrow is CPR day, so that's cool. I need to study. I have been to the monastery, and I have been downtown, and the difference is the amount of words that are thrown at our eyes. At the monastery, there is no text or pretext to wade through. merely eyes that meet other eyes and see that there isn't much to see through, just quiet humble love, a good example. and a good way to be able to interpret onesself.

one of my roommates is leaving, sadly, but we will get another. I have a lot of thoughts that I think would be worthy for you to hear or read, but I forget them. often they are about relational notions of truth rather than the kind of truth that is entrenched in logic, systems and proof. you can't systematize me, or you, its just us. and an injustice try to. so don't. just come on over and enjoy some food, some time, some drink, maybe even some paint.

sometimes, I even feel like smoking, which I know is a sign that the 'once in a while' has become a little more than that. I can justify it with flowery language that sounds spiritual, but who am I serving? my self indulgent body? or the spiritu of self denial? and I know its not so black and white, but at the same time it is.

relationally speaking anyway. its nice to have a warm house.

I have freinds that are far away, and I miss you.