Do you haff...Rock and Roll?

Originally uploaded by simply victoria.
I am a leningrad cowboy



Not so much for interaction, necessarily, because I don't care so much about other people, as I am finding out, but because I have to write this out, and I might as well share it. I do care about others, but not as much as I claim to. anyways.

I am in Graduate school. what a waste of time.

let me explain.

I am currently reading the main body of text in a field designated Memory and Trauma studies. I like my professor, she has a clearly vested interest, she is trying to figure our her role in the world, as an inheritor of German-ness, and is confronted with having a small tote-bag of historical baggage, affectionately referred to as the Holocaust. you may have heard of it. anyways. she's great. well meaning, smart, and has a cool intellectual sounding accent. so does my other prof, but she is French.

I read these articles, and I am loathe to spend more precious time on such well crafted arguments against the need for academia. Listen:

"Michael Rotheberg formulates the two main strategies for traumatic remembrance in formalist terms, as realist and antirealist. Rothberg defines the realist position as'an epistemological claim that the Holocause is knowable and a representational claim that this knowledge can be translated into a familiar mimetic universe.' The antirealist position is defined as blah blah blah etc etc...ad nauseaum"

right. so, if I continued the quote, you may or may not get the feel for the article, which I think is going through various ways of explaining how memory functions as a way towards current representation (sound it out, re-presentation) of the holocaust, thus making it a current event in our memory, thus helping us to come to the conclusion that it is something that should not happen again.

what I am getting at is this. It is a very, very exhausting way of finding a moral framework to function within, and to justify. and it certainly will not satisfy the masses. Two reasons, it won't give them bread, they will have to ask the inquisitor for that, nor will they be able to understand because it is too effing esoteric. It must needs be accessible.

I feel as though its a lot of smart people sitting around trying to deduce with merely a logical framework why bad is bad. why is the holocaust bad. wait, I am going to write a PhD dissertation on that, and maybe then I will know. in the meantime I will neglect my friends, sleep around, eat factory farmed animals, skip church, and generally not love my neighbour. however, I will be able to intellectually defend my moral high ground, finally knowing that yes, the holocaust was bad. what is bad? hell, I don't know, but whatever it was, the holocaust qualifies.

I feel like School has become so moot. Logic is not a way to ultimate truth the way I thought it was. by logic I mean the use of words and research. It is not useless, but the way the academy presupposes the supremacy of the word and the insignificance of relationship and truth based on intimacy and trust. Reading Neil Postman on the culture of text becoming the culture of vision (print vs TV) he talks about a PhD student questioning the need to quote a conversation properly. The committe asks if he would prefer them to actually print out the words on the certificate of graduation, certifying that he has a PhD, or merely tell people when they ask.

I think, valuable knowledge, important knowledge can be verified by people you know. why do I need to subscribe to a particular standard, such that everyone may know that I have attained a particular level of knowledge, or hoop jumping. granted, teachers really ought to have standards, and I am glad they do. But, what of academia for its own sake? is that why I am in school? TWU was so relationally based, the slog through the hoops was worth it, and I found historic Christianity through it, which is beautiful.

what is it for? specific fields, great. I have friends who are or are becoming Counsellors. there are many specific things that such a job requires. school=good.

blast. its kind of a bummer to have such a quandary at this moment. however, I think I can slog through and finish anyways. three papers this semester.

Right now, the main thing that is keeping me going is that I committed to it. commitment. whoo.

currently listening to:

Imogen Heap, Final Fantasy, Arcade Fire, Tom Waits, DMB, Sufjan, Bobby Bare Jr, and oh yeah, Marianas Trench.




so much of this internet thing results in external-ity. being external. what about being internal. being quiet?

that's where I have been. that, and working, and talking to people who are here.

not much time for musing...