7.29.2006

...

My Motorcycle was stolen last night.

7.27.2006

7.24.2006

visions

what is it about being watched? Sartre tried to explain it. I don't know that I buy that completely. I am taking care of Alexander right now, a ten year old boy, and while he is not at all the neediest kid I have met, he still says from time to time "watch this" or "look at me" and I see myself in his cry for attention.

I remember when we were on the mountain this summer, coming down from our ascent of Battle Mountain/Mt. Tabor, and Fr. John and Gabe and I were sliding down the snow, falling off small cliffs, jumping off rocks, drinking from the creeks and waterfalls and Fr. said to us something about loving seeing people feel the joy or share the joy of God when we play like this. I have always loved being parallel to people as we hurtle down a mountian, whether its with a bike or a snowboard or just feet that we balance on, its so great to be with others, to see and be seen as we challenge and push and fly. I wonder though what it is about the eyes, being seen and seeing that matter so much? and yet it is not necessary for life, blind people may miss things, but they live.

Bless God for sight.

Why?

I am so blessed. life is so full of good things, full of pleasure even. today, we left church, had a coffee at starbucks with people we don't see often enough, talked about church and left. we went home and bought some beer and wine and cheese, drove to 'the guys' house, read plays and poetry by yeats, shakespeare, and python whilst consuming said libations and rations. camembert, goat feta and chedda, traditional ale, guinness, maudite, chaberton, and naked grape. a veritable feast. why do I get to partake in such blessings, such feasting, culinary and cultural, and take joy in life while people are running for their lives.

seriously. people are running from bombs. christians, muslims, atheists, jews. humans. I experienced the best of humanity today, full of beauty. yet there is such pain going on.

I don't complain, I only wonder and am in awe of life and its fullness and mystery. I know my language is a bit flowery but we read the tempest tonight and there are lots of iambs running through my head.










Glory to God for all things. all things. bombs. beer. wine. women. tears. joy. pain.

all things.




all things?

Glory to God for all things. Lord have mercy on the suffering and on those who forget their suffering that we don't lose sight of our need for you.

7.21.2006

Computer

ITS....ITS.....ALIVE!!!!


thanks Dad!

After Phil and I took it apart, my Dad cleaned all the coffee out of it, and lo and behold, I am posting from my once comatose computer. thanks Thomas, apparently I won't need that PC.

and of course, both of my awesome parents prayed that my computer would come back to life. I didn't, but I am thankful that they did.

Susan Cripps

So, while we were at camp, Susan told me something that was really cool. She was talking about someone she didn't know, but knew through her husband and through pictures, and said that she looked like her mother loved her.

I think that is such a good way to see beauty. its like being able to see love eminating from someone's eyes.




In other news, thank you thomas, I will take you up on that offer, I will be at your door, sixpack in hand, expecting a manly hug as well, and Graham, the collective consciousness is confusing, but comical.



As to the computer, it sucks, but its no big deal. things come and go. we got here naked, and thats how we are leaving.

7.18.2006

and how

well, I have let it go. I think it is dead, but phil and I took it apart quite well. I am going to take the guts to my Dad and see what he says, and then to the shop. we'll see.

Still, its not an event that lacks in peace. somehow. and I worked, finally, and I am working at the butcher shop, and we had fun at the sleepover with the boys. only two, we need more men in church. well, we'll see.

I can't remember all of the publishable thoughts I had today. unfortunately. though I met some people from Cloverdale Baptist, and they were wonderful folks. It helps me see that my earlier cynicism and dislike of protestant churches was not entirely because of how they operate, though I could still find faults I am sure, but I think my response was due to my immaturity and arrogance. as we can all see, I have arrived at maturity and humility. has anyone seen my halo lately? I think I left it at church.

in other news, I am going to bed. goodnight.

7.17.2006

This wasn't what I had in mind.


my computer is dead.

7.16.2006

My Computer is currently in a coma. this is distressing.
I guess its not really Apple's fault for not having a coffee proof case. blast.

7.14.2006

silence

I have had many experiences this summer that have taught me the beauty of silence.
I love people. I love sharing things with the people I know and love and want to know and love. However, I have begun to understand, and I think orthodoxy has shown me this as much as anything, that trying to share and experience by writing or talking about it is about as vivid as letters on a page can be compared to a full life experience.

This is probably because when I explain something, or try, I am a vivid, real life experience, trying to get you to stop paying attention to me (thats a new one) and to imagine what I am talking about in a way that you will fully understand what I experienced, so you can know me better. understand how my worldview has been shaped by that experience.

however. I have experienced three or four very beautiful, intense and God-filled moments that lasted more than a moment this summer, things that I may have tried to explain in the past, but no longer care to. I have begun to see the beauty in having been there, and the tragedy of having missed out, and begun to know that its okay to not try to make everyone a part of everything.

I have experienced the beauty of God, and you too shall share in said beauty, but in a different way. And, I am not going to try and tell you about it. How was going to the monastery yesterday? it was filled with God and Beauty. you should go and see. Oh Taste and See.



still debating with myself about school, and I have found that all three of my top three desired classes are offered next year. Biblical Hermeneutics (the study of interpretation) Theories of Visual Culture, and Philosophical Hermeneutics.

7.12.2006

Present

Hi.

My name is David, and really I am paying attention to you. well, probably not. I am probably multitasking, which seems to be a prized ability these days. I am fighting with/wondering about how our desire to get so many things done affects our ability to be present to different situations, different tasks, different people, or God.

I pray. but often I am not present. I know I have written about this before, but I have some new language which gives a new nuance, so bear with me. I become present to situations easily when they are emotionally intense, like pascha, or weddings sometimes, or when it is physically intense, like treeplanting, or when I played rugby in high school, or when I am fishing and there is a lot on the line. situations that so easily draw out the most attention or attentiveness from me.

When I was in high school, I was in choir. It was more difficult than playing rugby, rugby is more physically demanding, but my choir teacher demanded more attention and presence than anyone had or has since. We were focused so intensely so much of the time, I learned how to focus, how to pay attention, but perhaps I learned to do it only when it is asked of me. I see orthodoxy as beautiful because it has the potential to draw that kind of present-ness out of me, but it doesn't always. I think it has to do with who we are surrounded by, who is there to draw it out of us, and I wonder if we become content and complacent and stop challenging each other to be awake and aware of God and ourselves because its so hard to notice.

I know that my struggle with being present to God while singing in the choir at church is slightly unfair and anomolous because most people in church don't have the luxury of paying attention to the prayers, or they have been there long enough that they can do the work part and the prayer part at the same time. It makes me sad to feel like I haven't been to church in a long time because I am always in choir, but apparently that is part of it too. priests never get to sit back and just pray, parents? sheeesh. they are always chasing their kids around, shushing them. maybe ten years from now they will hear the prayers or the homily.

but I still think that we are not as present as we could be to so many things. we find ourselves not listening when a friend is talking, thinking about food or what we are going to do after they stop talking.

I love the line in fight club, where 'Jack' and Marla are talking about the support groups for people who are dying one says to the other "when people think you are dying, they really listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to talk"


I don't imagine this is an easy thing.

7.11.2006

enough

Thats enough hiding for this year. it was good, and I will do more thinking, I have not had so much time to think for a long time. It was/is good, and many thoughts about school and life etc. I think I will try and find more stable work this fall while I take classes, and perhaps think about a different angle on a thesis within the context of a degree in church history. Matthew Francis and I had a great talk about russian church music and the difficulty of performance/worship conflicts in the 20th Century, Rachmaninov etc being used for liturgy where it was intended as concert music ( I think )

I have been re-reading Beginning to Pray by Anthony Bloom, its amazing! small, but intense and profound. much to learn.

and now, off to meat Tim at Memphis Ribs. mmmmmmmmmm.

7.09.2006

camp.

home.


video done.

sleep to be had.

I am going to hide from the world, just as soon as I check my email and the blog world and the news, and the mailbox, and my phone messages. then, I will hide from the world.

camp was a blast, and I am blastedly tired.

7.04.2006

summer camp


SH101776
Originally uploaded by simply victoria.
Is fun. this is not at camp, but it represents the spirit of craziness that is necessary to survive camp with a boatload of young-uns after not sleeping for a while.
oddly enough, I have wireless access. at summer camp. kind of a moral transgression I think.

7.02.2006

IC XC


P1tattoo4.JPG
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
When we offer the bread with the seal on the prosphora, we offer our lives, our bodies as a living sacrifice.

Fr. Lawrence prayed for us and blessed our cross tattoos today.
he prayed for zeal and that we would bear well the responsibility of wearing the seal that also goes on the body of our Lord.


see you in a week.

away

always away. I am going to summer camp, st. arseny style. very excited, but I am actually in need of some down time. I love people, but I am looking forward to some quiet moments. The G12 was amazing. words defy it.
camp is on pender Island, its beautiful there.

I keep asking myself, how do I afford my rock and roll lifestyle? I pretend to be in school.

to Robyn, Lesya, and anyone else I have not gotten back to recently, I am sorry, I really am going to call.

oh, and by the way, its really hot here today. I had a slurpee.

I am looking forward to riding my bike and flying down some hills.

and reading. reading reading reading.