being is beautiful and hard

rage against the dying of the light.

in an attempt to allow this mediated form of my self to be as honest as possible, we now present a post that goes with the color of the blog. the less than excited version of me.

I love my sister. she is great, we are living together right now, which I am glad for, I doubt it will happen again because of where life will take us, but its great.

I was talking a month ago about getting a cat, because I would like to have one. I would prefer a dog, but I can't offer a dog the attention and time it needs. cats are low maintenance, etc etc, blah blah blah.

Jonny, Tessa's(my sister) boyfriend, is allergic to cats.
I thought Tessa and I had talked about this a while ago, and she didn't say either way what she thought, so when the opportunity came to help a friend who can't keep her cats, I was excited a) to help out and b) to have a cat or two.
I asked Tessa what she thought, and she felt shoehorned into having to agree.
I didn't understand why it would matter, as I have friends who have cat allergies, and I know it would bother them a bit, but I have heard that you can do things to make cats less allergy causing.

all that to say that I was quite angry that Tessa's boyfriend would be the cause of me not getting what I want. I want to get what I want, and nobody should get in my way. I know this is an utterly selfish way of thinking, but its what I realized I was thinking.
Eventually, I began to interpret that feeling in my gut to be telling me that I need to not be selfish and consider that my sister wants to be able to have her boyfriend over, and that in the same position I would not react differently, in fact I would be so vocally opposed to the idea.
So, I am swallowing my pride or my anger or whatever and not going to take them. which sucks. I really wanted to have them.

So, in other news, if anyone wants a cat or two, they arrive on friday and need homes. they are very friendly, hesycats. they pray and venerate icons apparently.

go to Mira's blog for pictures.

Oh lent. bringing all of my darkness to light, hopefully the light will burn it away, but flames hurt. burn to shine right? right?...tell me when its over.


biss said...

On behalf of Tessa, thank you.

As you know, I had Zero for a long time, and a boyfriend who was extrememely allergic. I loved them both, but the truth is that Phil very very rarely ever came over to my place when I had Zero--ten minutes and his throat would start reacting. It was really hard on me to not have him over at my house, to see me in "my home" and to see how I act "normally." Fortunately, the Hartleys took Zero and so Phil got abit of warning before we got married.

1/153 said...

"...hesycats. they pray and venerate icons apparently."

OH! I wish I had some of those here! In fact I did have one, but alas, she got lonely and had to move on and be with others of her own tribe... (long story.).

"Oh lent. bringing all of my darkness to light, hopefully the light will burn it away, but flames hurt. burn to shine right? right?"

Oh Lord! I have been thinking the same exact thing. Lent makes us aware of all those inner 'stumbling blocks' that keep us from total abandonment in love for God. It's good to know about them 'cause as GI Joe says "Knowing is half the battle", but man it hurts! Lent is hard. I wish I could take your hesycats Bro'! I love cats!

... God bless us.

Paul said...

Good on ya mite.

Maybe by waiting you will get the opportunity to get a dog--which is what you really want, right? Oh, and though "hesycats" is very laugh-out-loud funny, I want to warn you that there's no such thing. Only hissy cats.

Low maintenance my butt! You have to invent ever newer ways of torturing them so they learn their place (i.e. Lenten chinese food).

I think it was a cat that was in the garden that tempted eve.

Ptoo! Ptoo! Ptoo! I spit on catkind.

David Bryan said...

I replied to your comments on the WR in the Orthodork Cafe, in case you wanted to read them...

Magdalen said...

"It's hard, and it's painful, and it's Every Day."
One of my favourite quotes.
We pray in Lent that we might see our own sins, and know ourselves better. But let's face it, we don't really *want* to see them, or know ourselves. Lent holds up the mirror, and what we see is repulsive and painful and horrific.
I'm sorry you couldn't have Mira's kitties. We really wanted them too, after losing our cat. Alas, the timing isn't right. We'll have to have a "we wanted them, we can't have them" commiserating coffee sometime next week.
cheers brother. Hang in there. You're not rowing that boat by yourself, I promise. In fact, give me that oar, will you?