anyone have any thoughts on the impending pandemic? It seems to be starting to affect the EU, the first case being reported in france.
what does this mean for us? I haven't really heard much talk amongst anyone I know. thoughts?





had a good weekend with some friends from church, fixing up the summer camp when I should have been doing homework.
I love school, but its hard to be motivated being so far away from everyone.
I also loved the physical labour that I have not had the chance to do lately, it was great.
My sister has a job at cobs bread, so we get great bread for free, how cool is that. (very)
and now we are into cheesefare week. its so close...I can feel it coming.

life really is beautiful. I am so content, even though I am stressed a bit about school, its okay. it will all work out. but life is so rich.
Matt and Hilary beukema visited last night, and that was great. so good to see them. they bought a house and five acres of land in smithers. and I heard a bit about Roxi, which was good, I hadn't heard about her in a long time. she is working still of course, bought a place in PG, and apparently is moving on.

anyways. pray for Matt and Hilary as they travel. they were down here adopting race horses that are not good enough to be race horses. how cool is that?



I am home, it was nice to be at church for five minutes, too bad Abner, to guy I work with, was bent on blowing out the candles.

looks like this weekend is going to be busy, a fun trip to the island to paint the camp for next summer. SWEET!

and I am eating a pork roast for dinner tonight. so excited.

and in the midst of a good book on prayer, metropolitan Anthony is great. although its funny, it was a gift from a few degrees of separation, and the thought was that it would be good to struggle through a book that is simple, or something like that, and boy, either they overestimated my intellect, or missed that it is not necessarily an intellectual endeavour, or something, because while not an intensely wordy book, I didn't feel it was easy. maybe I misunderstood. that happens a lot. sometimes it is a pain to be studying interpretation.



1 casino
1 free scotch
1 or 2 clove cigarettes
- 9 dollars
2 fried green tomatoes (good)
1 plate of poutine (good)
4 cups of skeezy diner coffee
3 good shirts for cheap
1 cool pair of pants
1 cooler pair of shoes (Tessa, you will be proud)
1 awesome brown tie (brown like the DMB shirt)
a few fellow soviet canuckistanians

I was sitting at a table playing poker and a guy comes up to me and says he knows me from vancouver, it was the weirdest thing. told me I should smoke a pipe, and then it dawned on me that Stacy had talked about me and he was kidding around. He was an older guy, retired, but it was weird, I immediately reached for my wallet to make sure it was still there. yup. anyways. we didn't stick around very long. the once a year, ten dollar casino trip.

I am going to have such a detoxifying first week of lent. the unholy trinity of caffiene, nicotine and alcohol will be purged from my body, and I am sure my body won't like that. still, its quirky and fun to talk about the unholy trinity.

Lent. its like I want to go to boot camp or something. its almost here, I can't wait.
I won't have to wait long.



I am currently in Memphis, hangin with Stacy, its good times. we went to the tobacco shop, and its so cheap, so I bought a whole pile of nice tobacco, and a new pipe. sweet.

and we wandered around downtown, I met Elvis's tailor, and saw not one, but two guitars autographed by the Dave Matthews Band, one by June Carter and Johnny Cash, saw the peabody ducks, and their duckmaster.

I also went to the Gibson guitar factory and played guitars while Stacy got in trouble
with the security guard, who she then made friends with.

its crazy windy outside, which is cool. anyways, sonnetjoy, its not bad, though I suppose it could be depending on what you are doing here...

so far its a good place to be.


Walking in Memphis...

So. many. things.

I got back some CD's I had been missing, I have class today, and I have a better phone than I used to.

I had a good chat through a few topics yesterday with Biss, and that was good. we talked about prayer at one point, and about how its for our discipline, and
we talked about the merits and dangers of repeating prayers that we had not paid attention to while we were praying.

I went over to cut up some meat that she was making for her husband, she is a vegetarian and hates touching meat, and I used to work in a butcher shop, and its good to hang out, so we talked and I sliced steak up. it was for bul go gee or something, its korean. anyways.

I went to the canucks game the other night, it was so rad.

here is your question of the day, for as much as you reveal on your blog, think about how much you don't. oh the power of the media!

in any case, happy tuesday.

lent is still coming, in case you forgot, but make sure to eat meat this week, I am going to Memphis to visit Stacy, but she knows the real reason I am coming is for the Ribs. oh, that and Elvis.


Journal excerpt

No, not MY journal, my journal for a class. I had an awesome meeting today, here are some of the results of it.

What makes something music is its relationality. If one note could be music, two notes are more likely to be music because they are sounded in relation to one another. Either, they are the same as each other, or different. And, this sameness or difference happens on myriad levels. Tone, pitch, timbre, length, tempo, accent, phrase, not to even begin to talk about the meaning behind words. Goodness. This is what I needed to hear in order to do well in music theory, I now understand that music’s meaning is encoded in its relationality, or its nature. By its essence, it reminds us of healthy relating, stressful or tense relating, groups, individuals, wars, peace, love, joy, sadness, because all of these things are a result of being relational beings, being made in the image of God, who also is a relational being.
It was interesting too, we talked about Quantum physics, which we had just talked about the night previous at Biss and Phil’s, and we talked about a need for a unified theory, and now I think about Orthodoxy as a unified theory that explains all aspects of life in a satisfactory way, once the worldview is understood.
The relational essence of music is going to save my soul. For it implies the necessary existence of the soul, which can’t be a Darwinian thing, not a survival of the fittest, because you could survive fine without a soul, even without intelligence. I think.
Talking about Quantum physics, he said that the scientists/researchers are now thinking that they will find a theory that is beautiful and that is how they will know that it is right. Aesthetic criteria for science. The theory of relativity has balance and simplicity to it, so the next formulae will also be short and sweet. Beauty is dependant on mathematical relationships that are found in nature, being made manifest on instruments and between the voice. A piano can’t be as well tuned as an orchestra or a choir, and probably only a choir has the potential that it does, to sing in a present-at-hand way that allows for subconscious concurrent singing and listening and experiencing the overtones from perfectly tuned chords, which are possible to measure and produce because they are the result of physical properties being used rightly.


tagged and tagged again,

okay. Stacy got me first, and then Avery, so here we go.

4 jobs.

1. counsellor at a weight loss camp for kids (they called it a fat camp)
2. tree planter (three seasons)
3. Teaching Assistant (Laurentian University)
4. Foster Care worker

and I was hired to be a reporter/photographer/writer at a newspaper in northern BC, but never went.

4 Movies

1.A River Runs Through It
2. Fight Club
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Wit

4 Places I've lived

1. Vangroovy
2. My Tent (while planting in Smithers BC)
3. Massachusetts for two summers
4. Sudbury (siberia) Ontario

4 Albums. this is hard

1. Dave Matthews Band. Crash
2. Sufjan Stevens Illinois
3. Thomas Luis de Victoria, Requiem 1605 by Gabrieli Consort
4. Jurassic 5 (the first one)

4. Fiction writers

1. Gary Paulsen
2. Dostoevsky
3. Churck Pahlaniuk (Fight Club)
4. Craig Lesley

4 Non Fiction writers
1. Fr. John Neuhaus
2. Fr. Schmemann
3. David Hart
4. Dallas Willard

4 Vacations/Travels

1. Montana (hiking, flyfishing, bareback horseriding, shooting, motorcycles, driving cars at age 14, tractors, working with real cowboys...pretty much its heaven)
2. Galiano Island
3. Motorcycle back from Ontario
4. California w/Tim in High School

4. sites (other than the obvious ones)


5. beverages

1. Glenmorangie
2. Glen/fiddich/livet
3. Kilkenny
4. Shaftebury
5. Slurpee

people to do this.

Pat L.



I love how everyone is telling me a variety of drinks to get well. thank you. I am almost better, still a bit sick, but my remedy of choice so far has been earl grey tea with milk and brown sugar and a small capfull of scotch.

now, lets have a real vote, two things, best drink, best home remedy for illness.


still sick.


time to do laundry.



one of the things that I love about orthodoxy (here we go again) and I know I have said this before, but I like processing stuff 'out loud' so...bear with me, and learn with me, or something.

Being at school has helped me appreciate the nature of the empirical worldview and its presuppositions involving science, and how that often gets assumed onto humanities subjects, not least of which is theology.

Often, we find ourselves, or I find myself, writing and needing to prove my points as if I am writing a scientific paper. I am not bound by the need to prove anything that has to do with God.

Proof is a moot point. knowledge and faith are not separate.
I have relational knowledge of God, and that is not something I could ever hope to explain with words to someone who does not share this relational knowledge. It is not complete, comprehensive or anything like that, but it is, like a relationship, growing.

I live each day with and for God, but I can only do that because I do it. It is not something that I could look at and weigh the options from the outside, well, I guess that is not so true. I could look at it and investigate it and see that it seems good. yes, I think I am wrong about what I said earlier, that being on the outside is detrimental to judgment, but it is akin to asking the question:

what is it like to relate to sally? a person may describe sally, but in order to really understand what it is like, a person will have to do it themselves. and in reality, there will be a different experience for each, as we are all different souls.

in any case. we are about to watch BLANC, the second in the three color trilogy.


I am sick. blahhhhhh. sniff. *honk* (nose blow)
I love life, and church, despite being sick. its all so rich. even being sick makes it good. variety and honesty. forced naps. there are worse things in life than having to go and buy juice and bratwurst.


I went to the little skete nearby last week, it was great. I missed the ferry at 120 however, and that, while being a huge pain in the behind, turned out okay, I got some good reading and writing done ( I think ) while waiting, but then I rode my bike up the hill to the monastery, and goodness am I out of shape. (yes, the answer is yes) but it was good. I got there, all out of breath and almost delirious because of the ride, and when I finally caught my breath, I had already asked for a blessing and hugged brother moses, it was so good to be there. such a beautiful place. so much peace. the glow that I couldn't see was more than obvious in the darkness. three of them. we sang vespers, it was great. they always let me record it on my computer, and I did, there were moments of beauty, but not the music, though that too, but when I forgot myself and just joined in with more than my voice, it was great. I belonged, and I did. as their guest. such hospitality. They also had me over for dinner, and I didn't bring anything, they are such great and humble guys, and they make good food too.
It struck me that being a monk is SO different from the kind of lives we live. I mean, really, when you enter a monastery, pretty much you are deciding to spend the rest of your life loving the people who come to you, and preparing to die, which really means living well, and preparing to live better.
They told me about Fr. John, Papa John, and how he was such a beautiful man, in his caring for his sick wife, his care for his parishioners, his foolish generosity. Apparently, he and his wife inherited a large sum of money, that could be described in fractions of a million dollars, and two weeks later they had no money left because they were aware of families who needed it. generous. Holy foolishness. They told me of how his wife became a strong intercessor in her illness, how vladyka would give her long lists of sick people to pray for, and she would spend a lot of time in prayer. they sounded like saints.
They told me that when they heard of Papa John's passing, they opened a bottle of wine to celebrate, and Fr. Gregory told me he hoped his children do the same, referring to the brothers there I assume. I will go and bring a bottle to share with them, as I expect to visit more often.
I thought of my busy life, and how the silence and simplicity is SO attractive in some ways, especially right now in the insanity of school, work, practicum, RA, etc, and trying to keep up with a few circles of ever-widening geographically spread out friends.
It was great to be there, and especially fun when Fr.Gregory makes references like when I was leaving, he said 'as Gandalf said, 'shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste'' because I was leaving on my bike, in the dark, down a steep hill to the ferry which was at least twenty minutes away, which was leaving in twenty minutes. I made it, soaking wet, after riding in the dark through the rain.
I love knowing monks. It makes me holier to be able to see their eyes. Just like having known Papa John.


oh, and Fr. Gregory likes scotch, so next we all traipse up there, we have to get a collection together to get him a nice bottle of presbyterian holy water, speaking of which, Matthew, when you come, you need to bring us some, I hear alberta has good prices on good scotch, like glenmorangie!


Cars and Lent

I was hit by a car on sunday night, but I am fine. I was crossing at a crosswalk with Phil, and the lady didn't see us. she barely clipped me so I am fine.
I have too much work to do, but thats okay. I am enjoying it mostly.Its nice to wake up to sun. really nice. I hate caffiene still, I think yerba mate might be a better option, Graham said it was healthier and still gives a kick.
I still love sufjan steven's music, and I am also enjoying the new song from system of a down, Hypnotize.
only a few more weeks til lent, I am SO excited for lent. I can't wait. yesterday fasting was so hard, it made me realize that lent is going to turn me into a bowl of jelly.