1.28.2006

Theology

CLICK HERE For the shortest, most concise argument about Gay people in the priesthood, or rather, the most concise theological statement about sin in general, it is in the second article on the First Things Blog, Fr. RJ Neuhaus is very well spoken.

good week.

okay fine.

So, Jesse Dan and I are sitting here, having smoked our pipes, had a wee dram of 12 year old glenlivet, and spoken of most of the important words and ideas to spoken of. Fr. Gregory and the brothers, humility and the unfortunate making of, women, church in general and specific, music, choir, various philosophical moments, political angsts, friends,

I visited the monastery in Gibsons, it was great. I spoke with them about Papa John, it was great.

I also had a great conversation today about the nature of belief and its import for choral singing in the professional realm.

I have been blessed with some good work this week, I was paid to ride the ferry and write my thesis today, I got some good work done.

I have also had a few good talks, emails etc that allowed for humble pie and the realization that my decisions really are my responsibility. I have to take responsibility for my actions. wow. I am an adult. yes sir.

and I recorded vespers at the monastery, it was great. I finally rode my bike and got some exercise, which was nice, and long in coming.

1.24.2006

more work. less blog.
I'll be back in a while. in the meantime, go read Stacy's blog, you'll like it.
the love of God is madness.

1.23.2006

I think I have the best life ever. one day I will count how many blog posts start like that, and then I will know it for sure.

things that help me know I am blessed and loved.

People who care enough to correct me in a way I can hear and be humbled by but not shamed by my shameful actions.
Church. everything, absolutely everything about it.
Igumen John Scratch.
Rain.
people I can waste time with, and be at peace in their silence.
people I can talk with for hours about nothing and everything.
people who teach me about grace without meaning to.


Thank you.

1.22.2006

being is beautiful and hard

Fr. John's funeral is on my flickr site. Memory Eternal. (link on the side of the page)

1.20.2006

graduate conference!

one guess as to who is presenting a paper at a graduate student conference in Utah in march...
or at least has been accepted to do so...
that MLA book might come in handy after all.

1.19.2006

coffee pt 2

No, I am not off coffee, this is just the beginning. I hope I am not up all night, if I am, I will almagamate my late night thoughts and bring them here too.

I didn't like how I felt, but I got lots done. I prefer the single malt I am sipping currently, though it is not an awake sort of thing. I have to go for a second interveiw with the board on monday or tuesday. I am planning to go to the monastery on monday, I have to call them to confirm, and it will depend on the flexibility of the people I need to meet with.
I wonder if I will have to explain how I can assent to the statement of faith. I don't think that should be a problem, I do agree with everything they say in it. I probably won't trot out some things that take a little longer to explain, though I am sure they could get it if they needed to, and given enough time.
A good friend from salmon arm sasid they thought it would be good for my disciplined, regimented life to be teaching. yes. disciplined. I am learning a lot about that these days. I have gotten a lot done lately, which is good. I hope it is in the right direction, and trust it is. I keep re-reading my proposal and it gets me more and more excited.

yes, its nice to be in vancouver. I am staying at my friends' house, they are away, so I am sleeping here and going to the symposium right away tomorrow morning. I will have LOTS of notes to transcribe tomorrow, perhaps I will start tonight. so many ethical things happen that I think we are not terribly aware of.

currently:
sipping single malt
wishing I had a pipe (they are in langley)
listening to John Tavener
thinking about ethics and choral music.


I wrote a long letter about choir today. I don't think I will send it. Br. Cyprian finally acted like a monk today and told me to pray in a way that I know I can't ignore. We need more people like that. I appreciated it. I love Br. Cyprian, but so often he is jovial and teaching us about the military.
I was talking to Stacy tonight and she called me on how I say things and then retract them, which is not really that loving. I suggested she eat, and then immediately shied away from telling her what to do, realizing that I was not being polite and respecting her right to self determination, or at least this is my interpretation of it, and she said I shouldn't do that, that it is important to mean what we say and say what we mean. I often think I do that, but I realize that I also say things and negate them as a backdoor into passive aggressive communication. I was glad she called me on it. I think it is important to be as straightforward as possible. easier said than done mind you.

trickery!

Thank you for trusting me and believing me so that I can so gleefully enjoy the responses from at least a few of you. they were rather amusing, ice skating with Satan, very clever, as long as it is not on the rideau canal, otherwise your Dad might have to break out the fatherly shotgun...anyways.

In other news, I still hate caffiene, It seems to speed up the need for holiness, which is still slower in coming than necessary. well, that is how it goes though eh?

today I will get the confirmation that I am being hired to teach gr. 9 students a Christian Perspectives class, a cleverly titled bible class, which is SO cool! I am so excited about that, It might even be a door to a slightly more permanent job, which I don't totally want, but I will take what I can get. I love teaching, and I love Christian worldview, so this will do just fine. If I ever get to teach at a higher level, that will be fine too. Glory to God for all things.

yes, coffee tastes good, and granted, I got a lot done, but if I ever talk to anyone in the midst of my coffee consuming/affecting 8 or so hours, I am in danger of losing friends, unless I learn to leash my tongue...which we all know is not so easily done.

I did read a lot of cool stuff about the transition from Jewish to Christian liturgical practice.

Today I am going to vancouver probably,I need to work on my practicum, and the vancouver chamber choir, with whom I am working, is having a conducting symposium. I will go and listen and interpret while the conductors ask questions about interpretation. sweet.

In other news, seraphim found the place we should all live in in vancouver.big and cheap apparently, and for sale too!

Yes, Fr. John was a beautiful mentor type to all he came in contact with. I think I am going to the skete next week. monday-ish. that will be cool, I will learn more about the joy of repose, which confuses me, cause I know its good, but it still hurts. bright sadness.

1.18.2006

Fr. John and I


Fr. John and I
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.

Relationships

well. this is it. I have nearly fallen asleep one too many times, and I know I don't want to do this, but I know it is meet and right. Good for me. well, not always, and some days it might cause difficulty for the people I know, but its time. I have to begin somewhere. I am starting a new relationship. I know I need it, because without it, I can't do what I need to do. It will will help me be who I need to be, I can become more in tune with the world in general, more awake to what is going on around me. I will be able to be less distracted in church, more focused on reading, able to get more out of life.
Relationships are always difficult, hard to know what they are like from the outside, I look forward to this, and I assume certain things, have general expectations, but I also know that I can't know what its like for real until I get there. I look to you, my wise friends for guidance, wise counsel and patience.
Much to my chagrin, and against my better judgment, I am going to start drinking coffee.
(lets see how long this lasts)
In other news, I interviewed for a job at a Christian school, teaching Christian perspectives to a grade nine class. how cool is that? In coquitlam, I might be a teacher tomorrow! starting in february. So, of course I need to become a coffee drinker. dang. I hate caffiene, hate it. well. here goes nothing.

1.16.2006

F1000018


F1000018
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
The man giving zeke his books.

Bright sadness


frjohnscratch
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
yes.

I am going to put this on my own blog too, with a picture of Fr. John, but I want to write a bit for Him and for everyone, I guess not everyone here got to meet him.

I described him in the past as perhaps the most beautiful man I have ever come across,
many of us know the truth that beauty is not as shallow as our skin, but meeting Fr. John makes it impossible not to see the fire of God in his soul, through the love flowing from his eyes.
I asked him some questions about love, relationships, he told me about his wife who reposed a few years back, how he met her and knew right away that he was going to marry her, she was surprised when he told her, but they were married and it was beautiful. perfect. perfect in that they knew it wouldn't be without struggle.
He was an anglican minister until they became orthodox, and made a priest. at some point the ottowanians will have to help me with details, but

perhaps more striking is how I, an unknown shaggy kid showed up at the cathedral to meet whomever was there, and this solidly built but walking with fragility old monk with a big beard looks at me with such love in his eyes, touches my face and looks into the darker part of who I am and says 'its good you are here'

I have never met this man. he touched my face.

the next day he spent at least an hour with me, listening to me talk about love, life and church, the struggle involved with dating a girl who was anglican, the struggles involved with being single, the struggles involved with being orthodox and trying to communicate the beauty, and he so convincingly and empathetically said that all we can do is tell them to taste and see. I had heard it, but it was so good to hear it from him.

Too because I was in sudbury, away from pious people, it meant so much that this glowing man spent time with me.

not only that, but we went and drank a beer with his grandkids, who are so adorable, Perrin and Taice.

I wish I could go and see them now.

He spent the afternoon giving Zeke and I his books, just one after the other, here, this one, and this one, no, not that one, that is someone else's, here, take this one, one after the other. I have one that looks like it was the Bishop's.

He was a little Christ.

today was a bittersweet moment, when I went over to biss's to be told, I didn't really let it sink in. I mostly waited, waited until parts of the liturgy made it impossible to ignore, and then a tear or two prevented singing.

But I remember him talking about being reunited with his wife soon, and how he was looking forward to that, and how that was part of why he became a monk, because he is married to her forever. It is such a beautiful thing, to see him walking down the street, cheesy rays of sun and all, his white beard, uncreated light blindingly shining from everywhere, He walks slowly towards his wife, because he really does have all the time in the world, she smiles and says something like its really good to see you dear, they hold hands and he asks here where they are going and she laughs and says "church of course"


Of course we will miss him sadly, and I am sorry for you who did not meet him, but he will pray for us, and he is nearby too.

I don't know what I would do if the kingdom of heaven was not available. if I were not orthodox. It makes being sad okay and doable.

Fr. John, may angels sing you to your rest, may our Blessed heavenly Father have mercy on you, and pray to Christ for us.

I miss you.

Memory Eternal

1.14.2006

music

got a little new music today on itunes, some arse kickin system of a down, a little trews, and snuck some avenged sevenfold from elsewhere to see if it is worth buying. all heavy on the distortion and the cymbals. soldier side. I also got something for phil for his birthday party, but we never listened to it. thats okay.

time to cook soup for tomorrow. beef vegetable melange...or something.

can;t wait for vespers.

1.13.2006

well...

well well well...the eleventy first day of rain in a row, there is a man walking on the roof of our apartment building, its nice to live in the top floor, it doesn't happen often. I awoke to the sweet soft sounds of a chainsaw, lightly ravaging a tree nearby. good morning.

Lesya came over for dinner the other day, and it would have been good, except that I ruined the tom kha soup by putting in sliced lime instead of lime leaves. how lame. it tasted SO aweful. but the salad was good. we had a good talk, its been so long since we were able to hang out, it was good.
I worked two shifts this week, one night I was paid to go to church while waiting to drive a young man who had been in trouble from one city to another, it made me want to open up a group home. being able to teach kids subversively the good of things like trust and honesty, and exposing them to orthodoxy even, but always allowing for freedom. anyways, it seems like the places they put these young people, halfway houses, are not always the most caring places.

hung out with Brook Jones, an old friend, my replacement in some contexts, and that was good too.
then I was surprised by an apology from a friend. very surprised and very moved. I love the family of God.
I was at the UBC library, it was so big, so many books, so wonderful. however, I found that the librarians at TWU don't really have great training. they aren't bad people, they are very nice, but not very well educated as far as research goes, one or two of them maybe, but other than that, I found the UBC librarians to be much more on the ball, I assume they all have MLS degrees, and of course its because TWU doesn't have any money, but we should then be small enough that things can be done well. we. as if I am that much attached to TWU that I say we.

today, a list of things to do, people to call for the Mozart Requiem, if anyone out there wants a group rate for the mozart requiem on good friday (western) in vancouver, its going to be a great show, I can get you group rates. Vancouver Chamber Choir featuring the TWU masterworks choir.

currently drinking: soymilk. yesterday was filled with black beers, guinness and oatmeal stout.

peace

well...

well well well...the eleventy first day of rain in a row, there is a man walking on the roof of our apartment building, its nice to live in the top floor, it doesn't happen often. I awoke to the sweet soft sounds of a chainsaw, lightly ravaging a tree nearby. good morning.

Lesya came over for dinner the other day, and it would have been good, except that I ruined the tom kha soup by putting in sliced lime instead of lime leaves. how lame. it tasted SO aweful. but the salad was good. we had a good talk, its been so long since we were able to hang out, it was good.
I worked two shifts this week, one night I was paid to go to church while waiting to drive a young man who had been in trouble from one city to another, it made me want to open up a group home. being able to teach kids subversively the good of things like trust and honesty, and exposing them to orthodoxy even, but always allowing for freedom. anyways, it seems like the places they put these young people, halfway houses, are not always the most caring places.

hung out with Brook Jones, an old friend, my replacement in some contexts, and that was good too.
then I was surprised by an apology from a friend. very surprised and very moved. I love the family of God.
I was at the UBC library, it was so big, so many books, so wonderful. however, I found that the librarians at TWU don't really have great training. they aren't bad people, they are very nice, but not very well educated as far as research goes, one or two of them maybe, but other than that, I found the UBC librarians to be much more on the ball, I assume they all have MLS degrees, and of course its because TWU doesn't have any money, but we should then be small enough that things can be done well. we. as if I am that much attached to TWU that I say we.

today, a list of things to do, people to call for the Mozart Requiem, if anyone out there wants a group rate for the mozart requiem on good friday (western) in vancouver, its going to be a great show, I can get you group rates. Vancouver Chamber Choir featuring the TWU masterworks choir.

currently drinking: soymilk. yesterday was filled with black beers, guinness and oatmeal stout.

peace

1.11.2006

class

apparently I missed it on tuesday, how silly was that. now I am behind in practicum hours, thesis, research, and class reading. okay. time to dissappear from the land of the living, maybe I will be back up for air by lent, maybe not. but I had a great meeting with Jon and Vi from the VCC, that was cool. practicum will be good.
but, as I usually don't know what stress is, I think I will be finding out shortly.
I had a good dinner with lesya, despite putting in lime instead of lime leaves, and ruining the tom kha soup, the greek salad was good, and it was good to talk too. much learning.
anyways, time for stress city, Lord have mercy.

1.09.2006

happy monday.

I had a good weekend, I love church. I sometimes hate talking about it, but I find that I think about it so differently from others now. people say that it is not church that matters, but Christ, and how can we separate Christ from His body? I especially don;t like it when I don't know how to disagree with people I like in a way that will still speak love, so mostly I am trying to learn to be quiet. silence.
today is the search for more work of some kind. though am planning a meeting with my practicum people, and I have lots of reading to do, so its not for lack of things to do that I need work. maybe I have enough. we'll see.
listened to some good music last night at the local hearts of space gathering, that was great, thanks to Dan and Amanda Talstra for putting that great evening together, and it was so good to talk to all of the people there. I love having friends who unwittingly start talks about God and the Bible, it shows where your heart is. thanks folks! beautiful.
and we went for a walk in a park yesterday, it was really cool, we planned a new french zombie movie, after having watched "they came back" and if anyone has seen it, and understood some sort of anything from it, please help. we watched it and it was devoid of meaning. but it was cool to hang out with the people who seem to be the next generation of st. hermanites. its so strange that so many people are drawn to our church. and so many young people. but its great.

and, tonight I get to have dinner with a good friend who I have not seen in forever, so that will be cool. in the meantime, much reading!

1.05.2006

my life is so taken care of. for a bit, I was a little worried about a payment coming out of my bank a day before I got paid, so I checked, and the direct deposit for GST refunds had taken care of the payment. It could be seen in two ways, I am absent minded, and didn;t realize I was getting that GST thing, which is true, and/or, I needed money for this payment and didn't know where it was coming from, and it was taken care of. I sometimes worry, but then I remember it is not necessary. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, just today, how I live and love today. today I get to go to church. today I set up bookshelves in my room, and they look cool and work well. form and function. sweet concrete.
I had a good talk with Stacy today, that was good too. I love knowing a large variety of people, and yet finding such a consistency among them, no matter where they are. I have spoken to people who have this thing, whatever it is, a combination of zeal for life, love and God, (all intermingled, you can't separate it) a passion for sucking the marrow out of every moment, and it manifests in different ways. I know my grammar is getting sparse and poor, but its cause I am excited about this.
This thing, it is how people come alive in so many different ways. some go to South America to love the orphans, some read books for days at a time to engage those who love books with an articulate version of Christ's love, some climb mountains, some listen and say "mhmm, mhmm" (Phil) and others bring the fire and brimstone from time to time, (Fr. L) etc etc. what the underlying thing about all of these people is that they are doing it because they can't help it, their life overflows with love, and that is how they direct it. there is the necessity of grooming certain passions towards discipline, self knowledge and patience, but that can come and will with time and good friends to point out our weaknesses for us, and our strengths. (if you don't know me well enough, don't point out my weaknesses just yet, thank you)

anyways. I have a blessed life. so do you. Lord have mercy.
my life is so taken care of. for a bit, I was a little worried about a payment coming out of my bank a day before I got paid, so I checked, and the direct deposit for GST refunds had taken care of the payment. It could be seen in two ways, I am absent minded, and didn;t realize I was getting that GST thing, which is true, and/or, I needed money for this payment and didn't know where it was coming from, and it was taken care of. I sometimes worry, but then I remember it is not necessary. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, just today, how I live and love today. today I get to go to church. today I set up bookshelves in my room, and they look cool and work well. form and function. sweet concrete.
I had a good talk with Stacy today, that was good too. I love knowing a large variety of people, and yet finding such a consistency among them, no matter where they are. I have spoken to people who have this thing, whatever it is, a combination of zeal for life, love and God, (all intermingled, you can't separate it) a passion for sucking the marrow out of every moment, and it manifests in different ways. I know my grammar is getting sparse and poor, but its cause I am excited about this.
This thing, it is how people come alive in so many different ways. some go to South America to love the orphans, some read books for days at a time to engage those who love books with an articulate version of Christ's love, some climb mountains, some listen and say "mhmm, mhmm" (Phil) and others bring the fire and brimstone from time to time, (Fr. L) etc etc. what the underlying thing about all of these people is that they are doing it because they can't help it, their life overflows with love, and that is how they direct it. there is the necessity of grooming certain passions towards discipline, self knowledge and patience, but that can come and will with time and good friends to point out our weaknesses for us, and our strengths. (if you don't know me well enough, don't point out my weaknesses just yet, thank you)

anyways. I have a blessed life. so do you. Lord have mercy.

1.04.2006

Good news friends! Risen magazine received enough letters like mine, and I was told by someone on their editorial staff that I could consider it an experiment gone wrong.
Thank God. I really think this magazine has been and can be a vehicle for expressing a solid Christian worldview to our culture. If it returns to its roots, it will continue to do that.
It remains to be seen, but I am thankful that many others voiced concern, I recognize that it was a rather intense critique, but when we are dealing with the name of Christ and the crux of our faith, that he is actually risen from the dead.

anyways. It seems risen is going to be returning to its normal, healthy self.

time to go to bed.

1.03.2006

Letter to Risen Magazine

Dear Risen Magazine,
I have been sorely disappointed by your most recent issue, which I received recently upon my return from school. The layout on the cover betrays a change, which is also visible through the form and content.
The problems I see are many, but stemming from the same foundation.
When I first picked up the magazine, a year and a half ago, I was astounded at the quality of thought, intentionality towards a certain worldview, depth of insight in general, and the thought that the photographers were putting into shooting their subjects in order to evoke honest, vulnerable gazes towards the lens. I saw Truth in the words, the layout, the soul of the thing. The whole magazine dripped with style, thought, and Truth. This truth was unapologetically based on the truth presented by the man-God Jesus Christ and his state as one who has risen from the dead.
As of this new issue/format/sales pitch/whatever, it is clear that the magazine has taken a new direction that will perhaps sell more issues to corporate stores, or something, but it is also clear that it is sales and not ultimate Truth that the magazine is after. Previously, the magazine was not so worried about being a part of the consumer culture, though advertising was present, it was still thoughtful and targeted. Fine. Pay the bills.
First problem I see is the suggestion by nooma that spirituality is something that we do on our own terms. Christ is not offering a do it yourself religion. Perhaps nooma is not Christian, merely spiritual, fine, whatever. I think they advertised before, but I am trying to point out what message this particular issue is sending.
It makes me sad, because
Its not what you think.
This slogan, and the editorial that appears with it, is such a sad copout, a sellout, a running and hiding. You had a gloriously relevant ( and much cooler mag than they, theirs is too much for the subculture ) magazine that was allowed to be explicitly Christian, because the from was done so well. Now both the form and content suffer.
This editorial by Chris Benguhe is filled with weak rhetoric that exposes either his or the magazine’s (newfound) lack of identity. Who asks others to define them? People who don’t know who they are. Risen was founded on a solid identity.
When you talk about ‘for each of us, those are found in different philosophies, religions, ritual and systems of belief. It is my right, if not my duty, to speak my belief. But is seems more than logical that all these different points of view are here for a reason.”

Then the elephant analogy.
Please don’t cloak yourself in bullshit rhetoric. Come out and tell us that the magazine is now being run by someone who is too scared to say the name Jesus because he worships the almighty dollar instead. Tell us that you don’t want to say anything definitive, because you worship the god of California cool instead. Tell us you don’t know who you are, and are searching, and then change the name of the magazine to ‘searchign’ or something. Don’t you dare call a magazine by the name of the resurrection of Christ, don’t even infer that, and produce such a weak, impotent version of what was previously strong.
Sure, we all learn from each other, even people who are not following the Risen One may and do know truths like love your neighbour. Good for them. But don’t revamp the magazine, don’t change it, don’t sell your soul. Continue to learn from others. Interview people who aren’t Christians. Great. That’s what you did before. Why did you change it? Why do you use cheaper paper? Why is it thinner? Why is your writing crappier? Who needs quotation marks around “American Idol” as if the readers had somehow managed to miss the most obvious form of idolatry around. HELLO! American Idol! IDOL! Must I spell it out, first of all, it sucks, second of all, the reason is sucks is because it is based on making money at every level. Lets see, lets sell the American dream to a million young kids, they better be beautiful, but while they compete against each other, and are dragged through the mud on national TV, we will sell advertising, and then we will make money off of them in the record industry.
Okay. In case you couldn’t tell, I am a little upset at the way your mag has gone.
Right. Back to that editorial.
You appeal to logic, or ‘more than logic’ when did logic become the reigning epistemology in pop-culture? Are you no longer a Christian magazine? Because the ‘risen-ness’ of Christ is as illogical as it gets. Please don’t pretend to be able to appeal to the logical nature of Christianity. It is not ‘logical’. It is plausible, but it does not follow the standards of logic. The enlightenment has given us a skewed perspective on truth, one that suggest you have to prove something before you believe it. If that is the case, we can never believe in He who is risen. No proof. Faith.
If you have decided to run the mag from a secular humanist point of view, fine, but say that. Don’t sell us a poorly disguised package of weakness. That is all I see here. Weakness.
The old risen was beautiful, even the photos showed that the photographer knew how to communicate with their subject so that they would look into the camera and reveal some unspoken part of their soul.
Now you have cheesy bo bice trying to look like a nouveau hippy, but way to clean and popular, thinking to himself, “dang I look good”. I remember pictures of the girl who plays Joan of arcadia, she did look good, but she looked like she was thinking about something too deep to articulate, and letting us know that its okay to live life that intensely, the realistically, even though she doesn’t believe in God the way the magazine used to talk about it. Fine. They were still having and honest conversation.
Chris Benguhe, your statement in the last paragraph “…--we hope--…” shows that you are not secure, not sure how this will turn out. Previously, the editors and writers were not concerned about the response to the magazine in this way, in the way that looks for affirmation from the get-go. The writers wrote what the did, and knew that you couldn’t read it and not be challenged. The interviews were transcribed, the questions were so real and honest that we actually got to know who these people are, in a way that never happens anywhere else. I don’t care about how many marriage proposals bo bice has had, now or ever. I want to know what makes his soul tick, where he thinks he will be in 10,000 years, what his experience with the church is, why he quit, or still goes, or what he does to connect to something spiritually, Christian or not. I don’t care who you interview, but if it is not deep and real like it used to be, I will never buy your mag again, and I will encourage people I know not to. I convinced my cousins to subcribe a year ago, I handed out stickers, I have one on my car, but if this is your chosen path, I will continue to be sad and then pissed off, and then I will lament, but I will never recommend your magazine again.

1.02.2006

new years

well, we had our new years party last night, it was a blast. I am so tired, three virtually sleep free nights in a row. the added bonus is not being able to talk coherently on the phone, but still trying. oh well. last night was quite amazing, as Gabe articulated, even though he only attended via the phone, as did Stacy.
We all went out to the Jordan's house for the night, they had about 20 people sleep over, at least. maybe more, but it was great. we ate, talked, smoked, drank 12 year old single malt scotch and enjoyed its smoothness, as well as the pretense it now affords us, played music, listened to music, talked some more, and did it all over again. It was grand. I also got to wrestle with the kids, it was great. they are a tiring bunch.
Just for Posterity, and for those who read this from afar, the bloggers who I have listen on the side who were there last night, and are a part of my church, are as follows, Thomas, Ramona, Luke, Hannah, Victoria, Avery, Jonah, Graham, Muryn, (who apparently has adopted me along with Kurt, to be their younger brother, I can barely remember why, something to do with Dave Matthews, the rack of tobacco pipes, perhaps the scotch or fly fishing I can't remember) anyways, Thomas kept on referring to me as the pasivirta-baby, not in the infant, demeaning way, but in the slang/cool way. It was fun. yes, we talked all night, apparently we orthodorks are good at having a few and then talking ourselves and each other to sleep. we finally petered out and fell asleep around 5, I think Rhiannon was up til four and got up at 7 to go to work. crazy.
Phil and I drove there together, didn't really know how to get there, but we found it eventually.
I wanted to go to the ice cream movie thing tonight, but these twelve days of christmas are so tiring, I knew I had to stay home and go to bed. so to bed I will now go. of course after staying up and eating smoked oysters, which Thomas has gotten me addicted to. I wandered over to biss and phil's to borrow a pot, so cool to live close to them. sad that sid is moving a few blocks away. still close though. okay. Happy New year, more thoughts and years best moments like I promised. sleep. sleep. sleep sheep. baaa baaa bleatingly they fly over the sky to make me sleep too.



oh, and by the way, Risen magazine, if anyone is concerned, totally sold out to the spirit of the age, the self determining seeker of truth. as if we can use our selves as an epistemological foundation, even if we think we are, we never really are.