12.28.2005

hafiz

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give to this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
We all remain

Too

Frightened.

Baklava

Christ is Born!

Indeed, I did not end up at the wildemans, didn't even call. sorry T&R, but I will see you all at the new years bash in the wack. can't wait. I missed most of it last year, but this year I will even bring bacon for breakfast, I got some from the butcher shop.

If anyone has a 2 bedroom place in langley they want to rent out, let me know, I am going apartment hunting today.

as well, I think its time for the January installment of the years best moments.
january's highlights included Phil's birthday, becoming a catechumen, and making the St. Herman's music video, as it is affectionately known.
Oh, I am eating baklava and orange juice for breakfast. there are things about bachelorhood that are good.

here is a poem that I posted in february, but you might not have seen it then. did I mention that I love St. herman;s?

and yes, Dan explained what Fr. Michael was talking about. now I have to go and look at my thesis proposal to see how much work I have to do this week.

pray for me a sinner,

12.26.2005

thoughts

yes, many highlights, weddings included, forthcoming. first however, some thoughts.


Speaking with a priest recently, we were watching the canucks take another beating over at Fr. Michaels house, he said something in regards to becoming a priest, generally, for anyone, that one should make it hard for God and easy on yourself.
I think that works and should apply to everything, Marriage, Priesthood, moving, making big decisions of any kind. I mean, they are all inherently risky and should be done in fear and trembling regardless, but I like what he said.
Something so large and so weighty should not be done in haste, years must go by with that in mind, but at the same time it must be not looked at as the purpose to our lives. I have often lived in the future, 'soon I will...', 'one day...' but like in matthew 6. Don't worry about tomorrow. sure, we can't ignore it, but we have to be content and fully alive in the moment. I look outside, stand or sit, and I breathe, life giving air, eat food that is a blessing from and for God. talk to a friend and see the image of Him, hear the voice of God speaking to me through a caring question 'should you be doing that?' when I wouldn't listen to the same question in my head that was not audible. It is now we live for, eternal life is right now, don't miss it. yesterday was heavenly, and so is today, and tomorrow too, but we don't live for tomorrow, we life in love right now.
I beg for self-control, humility and self-knowledge so I stop hurting others, so I can love purely. and what does it all mean? it is a response to love. I am loved by Christ through his body. I know God because I know people who do, and I am touched by Him through them, through His mystery(ies).
what do I live for? what do I try to live for. relationships that push us upwards.
sometimes there is fear of the unknown, not tomorrow, but am I right now doing something I ought not? perhaps the question is the answer.

yes, weddings were also a highlight, I think I was at 5 this year, in 2.

Merry Christmas

well. I am here. So is our God. with us. we had a beautifully restful and feastful day yesterday. we are having 12 days of feasts, like we ought to. the 12 days of christmas. a party every day. go to spruce Island to see the schedule. Its not totally full, but mostly. I am pretty stoked. I am hoping to work soon, so I might not make every one, but that is okay. yesterday, we had two turkeys, a variety of beverages, biss forced us to smoke our pipes in their library, it was grand.
I am here in aldergrove with Qjesse, and we have gotten to do the prayers together lately, I love having people to pray with. It is so sweet. I am so excited for bacon or sausage, we are going to go and get some bacon and eggs for breakfast. break fast. so good. So many good things have happened this year, get ready for a best moments of 2005 coming soon to my blog near you.

highlights include baptism, DMB at the gorge, sufjan in vancouver, numerous trips to seattle, cross country driving, strange blog encounters that stop being strange, a few good flicks, orthodoxy in spades, moving four times, My sister turning 20, getting an ibook, and a variety of other things. anyways. it will be good to relive the past a bit, and perhaps look ahead too. okay. thats all for this broadcast. Happy Feast! Christ is Born! Merry Christmas! and if anyone knows where my phone charger is, let me know.

Love.

12.22.2005

work

working at the butcher shop. went to the canucks game last night, entertaining, but I wholeheartedly agree with Thomas, its time for a goaltending switch.
Happy Feast Day to Anastasia!
Apparently, Stacy has a friend, Br. Joshua, who picked up our Br. Cyprian from the airport in San Francisco. anyways. its nap time.
crazy small world.

12.17.2005

Home

I am home!

I love vancouver. I love sufjan stevens Christmas music.

I love cereal. my mom bought me a case of soy milk.

OH! I had the strangest/coolest experience yesterday. I went to Christ The Savious antiochian church in spokane for matins yesterday, and I met some great people. Matins was about an hour, beautiful, quiet, gorgeous little church. I spoke with them for a while, talked about my thesis, talked about St. Herman's, talked about Holy Nativity, they had heard of Fr. Lawrence, and two of them, the priest and the deacon both knew Fr. Michael Gillis, which was cool. Every orthodox church I go to, someone knows someone I know. Its amazing.
Anyways, I met this guy there, and he was quite hyper-excited about church, faith etc, a classic orthodork, he grew up in the greek church, but he was excited about orthodoxy, and said something about how it was not an ethnic thing, but a faith thing, and he was excited about spreading it around regardless of nationality. that was cool. so, he said for me to come to his car, he had a CD to give me. okay, I thought, a CD, cool. a few minutes later, I put at least ten new books into my car, as many CD's and DVD's about orthodoxy. I couldn't believe it. For the second time this semester, some random new orthodox friend/mentor has laden me down with books etc. He then said come back to his office, he has another CD for me. right. more books. then he fixed my headlight, or helped me, and bought me a new light. and made me take some money. not that I fought him on that one either. it was so amazing. anyways. that isn't even the coolest news,

He said he wanted me to come back, and bring friends from church, just to visit, and then I asked him what he did for a living, and he is a property manager, he owns a tavern, and he does some investing. he is a business man.

I told him about our project, and I asked him to help us learn how to do business stuff, and he said he would help. So, a new connection, another piece of the puzzle. God is so good.


Then, I drove to seattle, and between spokane and seattle, there was the coolest thing ever. freezing fog had frozen onto every still living thing, and made it all a stark white colour, it was so gorgeous. I was listening to the beautiful christmas melodies made so homely and sometimes stark by sufjan, his aesthetic approach is so healthy, so honest and so lush.

today I get to go to church. I am so excited I am on the other side of excitement. I get excited, and hyper, but I am too excited to be able to express it, so I am just calm and overwhelmed. I am going to go and see tim and bethany now, if my Dad ever gets out of the shower.

okay. well. I am home. thank you for your prayers,

12.16.2005

sufjan christmas

go here for the link to download sufjan steven;s christmas music. it is beautiful.

tomorrow I will be home.

home. I can't wait.

home. home. home. home. what a beautiful word.

12.14.2005

Final Exam

Frantically writing a take home final in a hotel room in Fargo ND.

hating caffiene.

listening to Jonny hughes rockin out.

excited for home, and a snowy day to challenge the ol' driving skills. I got my car fixed, the muffler is alright, and the cv boot is new. blast.

today might make travelling a little slower than expected.

I have a bunch of thoughts about msculinity, inspired by Thomas, but they will have to wait.

something about how being a man, and if leadership is a part of that, entails being first to be vulnerable, first to apologize, first to swallow our pride, as well as being first to take a bullet, climb the mountain, jump off the diving board, etc.

they are all risks, and if we are to lead the way, it has to be holistic. I don't think so much about what it means to be a man, as much as I think about how I can be a son of God, holier.

But I do like reading Thomas's posts, and for all you who click on the link, sorry I have not fixed it yet, go through RW or The love of God is madness.

okay. to exam.

12.11.2005

that was quick

well, here I am again.
yup, it was a brief hiatus. It is snowing like mad, so while I am hoping to leave tomorrow, it may not be first thing in the morning. I am going to have my muffler looked, it has a hole in it, and my folks are not excited about that. I guess it would suck to die from carbon monoxide poisoning because I took a nap in my car. I know I am naive and laissez faire about these kinds of trips, but...well nothing. I guess I am just that way. I don't get stressed about this sort of thing. I am excited about the challenge it poses. but, I will do what I can to have a safe car, so...I will go first thing in the morning to the muffler place. should have gone last week.

12.08.2005

being is beautiful and hard

there will be a (no doubt) brief hiatus from writing here. I wonder how long it will last.

12.07.2005

theory and practice of love

So, I had an epiphany last night (unrelated, make sure to read matthew francis's comments on the last post, great thoughts...)

Another reason I love st. herman's and orthdoxy is that it has shown me a viable example of both the theory and practice of Christian love.
many evangelical churches I have been to or belonged to spoke very eloquently about how we ought to love, but were not themselves a living example of a community like that. others were not even eloquent about it, nor were examples of that love. rarely was there an example of someone who loved and couldn't articulate why. I always remember Pastor Doug Braun, from the mission alliance church, he is amazing.
but, at st. herman's, and among other orthodox people I know, there is both the desire and ability to talk about how to love and live, but there is also a growing relationship within the church. St. Herman's especially has a group of people willing to be vulnerable and honest to the end of loving and being loved. It is a community that manifests Christ in word and deed.
of course we are not perfect, and I haven't been there in a while so I can sort of speak from afar, but I hear the words and works of love, and I also experience them. I often hear people talk about what it means to be a Christian, but their lives reflect something very different than what they are talking about. they don't even realize that there is a disconnect between what they assent to intellectually and how they live.
I have had conversations with people who are Christians, are very concerned with what it means to be saved, technically, but seem unconcerned with knowing what love actually is. it was sad.
people at St. Herman's seem concerned with both knowing the stuff, and living it out. I think it is orthodoxy that pushes us towards a holistic life, one that doesn't really allow us to compartmentalize our selves.

I am eating my coconut lentil soup, it is good, but really spicy. I put lots of cayenne in it. haaaaaaa. hot. only a few days before I come home!

I want to thank you all for commenting here, it has meant a lot to me that you care enough to do that. I know its electronic, but it helps me remember who I am and how I got here.
I am so grateful.
When I go back home, I will likely post a bit less, be a little busier, with actually having a job, going to church a little more, and friends within physical proximity. but of course I will still need to rant, and I do love hearing from those outside the lower mainland, of which there are a growing number.


peace and love to you,


12.05.2005

December 5th 2006 (this one is so full of ADD influence...}

first, a happy birthday to my beautiful and rad sister, Tessa ,who is now the proud dweller of the twenty-something generation. way to go!

her and I apparently will be having a rad housewarming party sometime in January. come one come all.

oh, and is the new years snowshoeing camping trip still going on? what is shakin? talstras ,moes's, whoever else? speak now or, soon, or forever hold your peace.

I will be on the road in less than a week, monday morning at least. So excited. I am reading Gadamer, and understanding! who does that? apparently this school thing is working. of course I am here and not in my MACINTOSH version of word. go to jessannstevens xanga and see the funny thing on emergent churches. but beware, her blog carries a parental guidance suggestion. she likes to cuss. but don't we all?

and... I had a dream last night that I was an assassin. I watched mr and mrs smith last night with my cousins. it was rad. so clever and well written. the focus on their marriage was really cool. and the way that their forced vulnerability eventually made their relationship much healthier than it had been is remeniscent of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotles mind. apparently Hollywood is recognizing the fact that we humans are broken and need to love each other as we are. Haper's magazine has an article in it about how Hollywood is becoming quite the Christian place. hmmm. I doubt that, but who knows. can't wait to see narnia. it will be a good time.

okay. back to gadamer. anyways. happy sinterklass day to all of my calvinist brethren, whom I must ask, did you know that you celebrate the saints? i didn't realize it, but eat some oly bullen for me.

I went to liturgy today at a greek church, and I was so thankful, because I missed most of liturgy yesterday due to driving my cousins to their church, but I also get to go to liturgy tonight at my antiochian church here in london. I don't know the rules, but I suspect we are not to partake in two liturgies in one day, stacy said it was a different liturgical day. I will ask. but it was a blessing this morning. we'll see.

yes. so hyper. so writing. so coming home. so living in langley with Tessa. see, she even has a cool name.

interesting things here, my sister has such a creative name, and mine is so typical and christian. I love my name, don't get me wrong, but my parents clearly grew in stages.

David Michael Pasivirta back in '80, and in '85 they gave my sister Tessa Marjory Ellen Pasivirta. what a handle. I dig them both. very cool. I share my names with some cool people, so its all good. and goodness, my sisters middle name is Marge. Marge! how cool. now I am laughing out loud. we should call her Marge. our grandma marge (who she is named for) is so cute. she always makes fun of me in a playful way. and shush's her husband "Oh Paul!" its so cute. they are so wonderful. I love being with them, Grandpa talks all the time, and tells great stories. just like me. well, I have to work on it. but anyways. they live where there is lots of snow right now. manitoulin island.

the last time I was with them, I walked around in the snow with my grandpa, and we talked about trees, and snow, and bears, and old friends. he is a man who has been an example of Godliness that I look up to and have as long as I can remember, because he not only talks about God all the time, but also exudes love. He and my grandma are the pinnacle of hospitality givers. always having company. I htink that is where I got my love of guests. and my parents are that way too. anyways. that was quite a rant. back to Gadamer.



peace.

currently drinking, cranberry pop. to be clever, I could just say its cran. oh. so in. so hip. I am going to quit my job and go. its good advice .

12.04.2005

mystery

So. Here is another thing I love about church, and a question.
Why do we concern ourselves with the fate of those who a) have never heard the gospel, and b) reject it?
perhaps this is assinine, or blatantly wrong, so help me out here.
But, "the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love"
not only that, but he was incarnate, experieced the pain of our existence so that we could relate to Him better, understand Him better etc. He does not reveal all to us, it is not for us to decide who joins Him in the Kingdom of heaven, I don't think we ought to ignore our neighbour, we ought to love them. all of them, insofar as it is possible anyways, but why do we concern ourselves with questions about who will be saved?
I had a great discussion with some girls I met at church last night, two lutherans and two orthodox, and it was very thought provoking. they were all either in first year at UWO, or in high school, but they were very thoughtful, they reminded me of sunday afternoons with St. Herman's people. it was great. but, one girl who knows her church history quite well, (was reading first things in High School) was saying that the verse in John "I am the way, truth and life, no one comes to the father except through me means that the people who have not been baptised in Christ are not a part of the family of God. they maintain the relationship of creator-created, but do not have one of father-child. hmmmmm. I wonder. I have a hard time with that, because it offends my sense of compassion, but I think that might be the same reason that many people claim pluralism as valid, because it offends their christian sense of compassion. how could a loving God be so exclusive. well, I Believe that Christianity is exclusive, but God is probably beyond our grasp, so why would/should we worry about it?
Is part of trusting God letting Him continue to make the decisions he has for so long, trusting in the mysterious justice and mercy? hmmmm.



I know we have to be true to what has been revealed to us, we must be faithful to our relationship with God, as with anyone, we must do what we ought in accordance with what we know of that person. I wonder if it is so systematic, and if God is bound to his own laws. sure, biblical critics talk about John being Christ's truths recorded by the essense after He died, but its still truth either way, and modern biblical scholarship, like anything human, has its flaws...am I getting bogged down in a hermaneutical circle? perhaps. time to read Gadamer. whoohoo!


pax in terra, Christ is in our midst!

12.02.2005

trisagion

So, I have been talking really quickly through my prayers sometimes, and I have needed to slow down. It is hard with prayers that are written out, because like anything I have done more than a few times, I end up thinking about other things while praying. I guess that is part of discipline.

here is one of the morning prayers, it is so full.




O Heavenly King, the comforter, the spirit of truth,
everywhere present and filling all things,
treasury of blessings and giver of life: come and abide in us and cleanse us from every impurity and
save our souls, O Good One.


things I think about this, or, ever changing exegesis,

the comforter, who is with us, who teaches us discernment, who is with us when we bless and curse.

but the part about "treasury of blessings and giver of life" is what gets me. really. when I stop and think about this, I can barely help but be overwhelmed. I have been given so many blessings, and they are all part of being alive. right now, it is snowing like crazy outside, I love the beauty of the earth, in so many ways and places, times, but also here and now, its gorgeous, (and fun)
I have enough food, I have clothes, a car, material things more than I need. I have people that I love and that love me, strewn about this spinning ball, and a good concentration of them in the lower mainland.
This treasury of blessings is from the giver of life, but I still need to have my soul continually brought to closer union with God. when I ask for my soul to be saved, its not because it isn't, but because I am not as close to God as I could be.
I need to be cleansed from my impurities. we all do. it is a process. I always wondered why it was such a cycle, back and forth. sin pray sin pray sin pray, clean dirty clean dirty clean dirty, and now its still the same, but I am learning how and why not to sin in ways that actually spur me towards change and purity through and for God. Its more than merely a weekly carwash, or catharsis. I say that because that is how I used to see it, not in that language, but pretty close.
I love too that I have been instructed not to dwell in guilt when I fall, rather to pick up and keep going, not to ignore it either, but not to be obsessed by my failure, rather to be thankful for grace, and really experience it. that is the intersection of joy and sorrow, grace. sad because I am selfish, and at the same time giddy for forgiveness. exactly the same time. its sobering, but beautiful.

12.01.2005

lets see. today. hmmmm. a few things.

not that I can really call this a part of the list, its not something to include in a list. I received sad news, a girl I knew from TWU has apparently passed away. God grant her rest and mercy, I had not talked to her in a long time, and I didn't know her terribly well, but she had visited St. Herman;s a few times, and I knew her from choir. Anuhea Uchida. Lord, have mercy. Simeon called me while I was with my cousin to let me know.

The other day, I had a great talk with Jessica. we chatted about important things, and about the weather. good, comfortable. we had been emailing etc, but we hadn't talked for a bit, so I was really glad.

I have been writing a paper for a class of mine, it is exciting, but I think I am going to have to write a lot more than I need, and then sift and cut. thats okay, lots of words coming out of here.

I said this earlier, but I really hate TV. I love being here in London with my cousins, but we have too many TV's here. I need to learn self control, so I am not watching mindless reruns while I ought to read or write. I look forward to not having cable.

I was able to figure out how to fix my car stereo, it wasn't playing mp3 CD's. now it is.


hmmmm. important things. I liked Biss's post. and, an apology, sorry to jump the gun on posting on our kitchen.

Its snowing again, I wore my flip flops.

Tyson and Carolina had a baby, congratulations! and I figured out who is reading my blog that doesn't register a country.


hmmmm, new blogs to check out. Jonah Jordan, Matthew Zacharias, any others?

the canucks lost.


I know, its a list. its been a strange but good day. okay. listening to music, typing and watching the snow fall. I went to class on the phone, Its awkward, that is for sure. but thats okay.


oh, and here is my list of school related things to do. not that you care necessarily, but I thought about it and I need a place to write it down, and I look at my blog at least once a day.

-Freedom in brothers K and for the life of the world (Paper)
-close reading of rhetoric used in gay marriage debate (paper)
-research demographics of people over 50 and their involvement in church, attendance etc in USA, Britain, and Australia.
-take home final exam.
-Drive home.