9.28.2005

plane

tonight I travel to the west coast. pray for me for safety.

I am listening to the Jesus of Suburbia by green day. interesting.

I can't wait to see you all!

9.22.2005

Zig's

well. last night I went out with some people from school and experienced a few firsts. I went to a gay bar for the first time. I went to karaoke for the first time. just to clarify, no. I do not sing karaoke. well, at least not there. I suppose under the right circumstances, like maybe endaroke in seattle, that would be less cheesy I think, or if I was there with people I knew really well.

It was funny. I went in, and there were like five guys huddled around the bar, a bartender, and no one in sight. so the bartender asks if its my first time there, and I said yes, kind of letting things happen as they may, and he introduces me to the guys at the bar, and I talk in a very burly, don't-touch-me kind of voice, but whatever, I met them, and then I mentioned that I was meeting some people from school there. Oh yeah, its not a 'gay bar' like celebrities in vancouver or anything, its more like a safe place to be with whoever, including all your gay friends. and I guess it is the safe place to meet people to sleep with. I don't know, its such a foreign land. anyways, I made sure it was clear I wasn't just checking the place out because I was curious.

I got a beer and sat down with the girl I know from school, and she walks me around on a tour, as if she is so proud of her bar, which was weird, I thought, but it reminded me of how I am when people come to church with me. so whatever. it was funny, one other person from our program showed up. oh yeah, it was supposed to be a get together for the people in our program, but only three of us were there, so it was us and this girl's friends. they were...I don't know. this one guy talked about how they are all only friends because no one else wants to be their friends and they don't even like each other. He also talked about how strippers are good because they are a known quantity, and how when he goes on dates and buys dinner, he expects sexual favours, as if he dates prostitutes or something. and he laughed. it made me sad. I couldn't believe people live like this. it was their church. they meet, sing for each other, mistake common disdain for love and think that they have friends. I mean, they do have friends, but boy what a strange way to connect. dang.

so, is that really where He would be hanging out? I mean these folks don't think they need anything. It seemed that He ignored the people who didn't think they needed anything, like the pharisees etc, and hung with the people who knew their spiritual poverty. It wasn't some sort of grand mission thing, sort of an adventure though too. but I wonder. I mean, I think we need to be friends with crazy people like this, but maybe not on my own? in a community?

the priest at my greek church doesn't seem to speak too much english. sad.





in other news, I got a vonage pap2 phone adapter, and I hate it, because it doesn't work. It is such a pain in my arse.



I am going to take my bike in to the shop for a tune up, there was a bear in the yard just before I got home last night.



I talked to Jessica last night. I get to see her in less than a week now, I am SO excited.

I got 80% on my first grad level presentation, I get another mark today, so we'll see if I did any better, I think todays mark should be better, it was in my mind a better presentation.



and I get to come home and see many others of you. come to St. Herman's on saturday night, Oct 1st or Sunday morning Oct 2nd and we can all hang out and eat lunch afterwards. peace.

9.18.2005

all of the curse words I know will not explain the tears and the embarassment I feel after watching hotel rwanda. watch it.





Lord have mercy.

intolerance

you know what is so dumb? people asking for tolerance ( gay activists ) are intolerant of people who hold opinions contrary to theirs.

9.16.2005

sacramental eating, or un.

I think eating alone may be the most unsacramental act there is. maybe. I guess for monks though, hermits that is, it is sacramental, because everything they eat is a meal with God. I clearly do not see the world through eyes like that. maybe one day, but I don't want to eat alone anymore. I thank God for food, and for school, and books to read, but I want to be in seattle cooking with Jessica, or in aldergrove, listening to fun bickering roommates, or hearing somebody wax theological about evangelicalism and orthodoxy and the uncomfortable transition, mostly uncomfortable for those outside the transition, which makes it uncomfortable for those with friends like that, but love conquers all right?

tonight I am going to watch I heart huckabees, but really, I heart Jessica.

9.15.2005

bears

apparently there has been a bear in my backyard. I didn't really believe it, but I guess it couldn't really be anything else. cool, and too bad. no more bird feeders for a while. oh well. I guess biss won't come and visit. sad.

west coast...

I have my ticket for the west coast! I merely have to get from here to detroit, which, while not that far, still poses a challenge. I may not have my car, but I think if I give myself enough time, I can do it with my thumb, and if that fails, I will still have enough time to go back and get a bus down south.

I had one presentation last night, one more tonight, its almost ready, I just have to tweak it a bit.

I saw Andrew's blog recently about rentersweek, and he has a pic on there of himself that looks slightly odd. Either its the compression, or he messed with it to make his eyes look strange. anyways.

Its really very strange to be out here and to think of myself as a part of a church community. I am not really, my church attendance is almost utilitarian, so far anyways. The people were nice, friendly and welcoming, but its not the same as being at home. I guess because I have friends that are old at st. herman's and those who I know only from church are willing to be known fairly well.

Soon I will see my church family again, I can't wait.

I am on my way to school to meet with my thesis advisor, very exciting. I am not hungry, but I know I need to eat, so I am going to try and wait a while to eat. Its my mom's birthday coming up soon, the 17th, the same day system of a down plays in vancouver, maybe I should get her tickets. right.

Oh, and I have been honoured by being asked to be a groomsman in the wedding on october 8th in seattle area, so that makes my trip even more worthwhile. how cool is that? such an honour, so I gotta get my fat butt measured and put in a tux. they are all being rented for us, which is kind of cool. It sounds like its going to be a good time, its on lopez island.

anyhow,

pacem

9.13.2005

school

I LOVE SCHOOL! it is so rad. my school is so cool, that all the chairs in the library have a little thing so you can lean back on them and they won't break, how cool is that ?

and for anyone who knows Jon Butler, can you tell him to post here so I can find him? he has an essay whose bibliography I need to pillage...YARRRRR!!!!

I am going to go home now. and read some more. and call Jessica. I am not sufficiently caught up, but I have a good start on my bibliography for my thesis, which I may put up on a blog someday when I have enough of it, perhaps.

The theological and philosophical underpinnings of the shift from church to concert hall for the catholic mass in the early 19th Century.

love and peace or else!


oh, and the greek church was great! I mean, it was greek, they didn't take communion, but I did, with two coptic people. they were cool,and they liked my tattoo, which TOTALLY was way bigger than his, it was tiny, and his mom gave it to him when he was wee, like 2 years old or something. imagine. mina and yetu, such cool people.

9.10.2005

eternity

Today I don't actually relish the thought of
eternity, except when I realize that it is not spent alone, but with
all of our closest friends, the body of Christ, and some sort of
palatable version of God? or maybe we are made able to be in the
presence (localized?) of God without dying. I guess. you know what I
was wondering about the other day, you know how we have existential
questions, like why do we exist (that are often sufficiently answered
by God and the cross) and what is the meaning of it, and where did
existence originate etc, I mean, I don't wrestle with these questions
that often, but what about God, I wonder if he wonders where He came
from? sometimes I wonder where He came from. I guess he didn't, maybe
He was always there, but that is so strange it hurts my brain, like
when you enter a command the computer can only half finish. but people
always wonder why God created us, but doesn't Genesis say that Adam
was made to be God's friend, I don't mean equal, but companion. It
seems it would have been a lonely universe, especially compared to now
with the billions of people running around, God may not be
overwhelmed, but he certianly is not bored.he must hurt and laugh
non-stop. how intense, but when I think about life, and how it is so
beautiful, it is the joy and the sorrow that make it rich.

9.07.2005

HA1 I laughed out loud. that was funny. no, no hermit permits being issued out here. we'll see though. in the meantime, I am making plans to fly to seattle for the wedding, its cheap as all get out as far as half continental flights go. I have petitioned a few friends for small loans, and that may do the trick.

as well. I read a book today, Candide, by Voltaire. I am excited, because its been ages since I read a book in a day, and because it was a great book. all about evil and the meaninglessness of it all. why couldn't we just read qoheleth? he says the same thing, though not as entertainingly. I had class tonight, and that made me excited about school, not only that, but get this. My prof for my religion and modernity class is anglican, and he has considered off and on converting to orthodoxy, so when I told him I had recently been baptised, he was very intrigued. he writes a lot about dostoevsky, and he knows about the way the enlightenment affected the church. I think that may have a lot to do with why I see no other way, because the western unconcsious assumptions about truth influence absolutely everything, including a lack of thinking on the part of way too many people. a church I was at on sunday, the worship leader, after leading a few songs, and half of the song in question said "now sing this as a prayer". which reminded me of why I don't go to churches like that, because, while he may not have intended to admit that he was performing (okay, unlikely) he basically assumed that the worship prior to that had not been prayerful. or something. anyways, just ranting now. all that to say, its not so lonely out here anymore. I still miss st. hermans and my family there, but I may survive. patience is a good thing, and so is waiting out my violent mood swings.

I get to read the book of Job and do a presentation on it next week. I will watch Jon cleese and learn how to start an argument. I am going to talk about theodicy. not the odyssey. nor adventures in odyssey.

so, though I am not so worried about school ( I am going to rock this class) I do wish I could drop by seattle a bit more, and langley too.

oh, and I think this link may interest a few of you, I have an idea for the church property and starting our little community, though I did not find this link, it was Jessica, how great is she?(very)

http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/

anyways. ideas, ideas. I think it would be cheaper to build them ourselves, but they look great, and what a good idea for our monastics to have a good, small, cell, close to the church! does anyone have the bishop's phone number? (kidding-today)

okay friends. peace and love (and thanks for reading)

9.06.2005

hermit

I should not be a hermit.

9.05.2005

Orthodoxy and the new monasticism


In response to James and Christo and their wise words,



thank you for being smart and caring, as to the question about ontario, it lacks people who care about their education, and people who care about their faith. I know I am generalizing, but so far its lonely, because those are the people I am surrounded by at home, and I have not found any here yet, and don't imagine I will before I leave. ( again, I will be surprised, and am probably wrong, but it seems that way so far. people getting facts from the Davinci code, others deciding how to get drunk tonight, because, hey, school's back in right?)

but yeah, I think that is a good point you both make, the brothers are not nearly about social action. their action is prayer. this is something that struck me one day during the search, that the orthodox people actually believe that prayer is effective, I have the add the caveat-even when the pray-er does not act on the prayer. I used to pray for people downtown, and then I would try and have my own prayers answered. make sure someone was there to do the answering too, but the brothers, they pray for us, because they know us now, and they pray for the whole world, in generalities, and they, and slowly I, believe that it means something and causes God to act. I was surprised by my surprise at this, because I think it meant that I didn't trust that prayer alone was a worthwhile thing. is it possible that it is? that these monks, and their countless brothers, are causing a lot of what the world experiences as grace from the hand of God to be bestowed on us as a result of their requests? I don't know, but I think maybe what I was trying to say was what James said, how things about it are appealing, though in a different way, as appealing as orthodoxy. I guess I saw the desire for community, the desire and living out of discipline, discipleship, self denial, I mean, I suppose it is all christianity, I perhaps had just never come so face to face with it anywhere but st. hermans. and having been involved in a baby version of street ministry, that allowed us our warm beds at night in fortress glover, I knew I had not learned how to deny myself, to die to myself, and not so much at the ethnic church I was at on sunday, but orthodoxy ( I think ) is set up so that we slowly but surely get into that mindset. some people may want to jump into these communities, and that is why they realize the need for the novitiate time period of discernment, which is I guess a monastic thing. I see that I can't really say these things are 'orthodox' suggesting that they are not a part of christianity, because I am not, but our polemic minds may giveus that impression, orthodoxy is christianity, just a different tradition than protestantism. I mean, I know having chosen it I find it to be somehow more worthwhile to be a part of, I keep telling Jessica that it spurs me toward Holiness more than any other tradition I have encountered. perhaps that too is what I see in this, the evangelical young person's answer to the desire for learning self-denial to the end of Holiness.



Sunday, September 04, 2005


and I read an article in Christianity Today. I know I know, but here,

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/009/16.38.html

read and then you can judge. seriously, read it. its about the new monasticism. its like everyone wants to be orthodox, just without being orthodox. of course, thats how I see it, being orthodox, and I know its not really that way, but it seems that people are going that direction, or maybe its the healthy butterfly effect of post-evanglecalism. who knows.

pacem





today I:

attended liturgy, read the epistle, took holy communion, ate hot coconut soup, drank murphyl's irish stout, smoked part of a cheap cigar, ate sugar babies, ate chocolate chips, talked to Jessica about church, and our differing ecclesiologies, went to a pentecostal service with my cousin.


Lord have mercy.


Saturday, September 03, 2005


Soooo. I have an amazing house to live in, with a sauna on the lake, thats "sow-naa" for the panda who eats, shoots and leaves. food, drink, even a pipe to smoke once in a blue moon, and I made thai hot coconut soup with a recipe from my lovely lady, who I can't wait to get back and see, and it was actually pretty good. hotter than I like, but I still liked the soup, I think it would be bad if it were any less hot. anyways. there is even an outdoor fireplace, a sweet hammock under cover outside, trees everywhere, the nearest neighbour is at least a mile away, and all this is good, but without anyone to share it with, its kind of lame. I mean, I don't really care about any of it, and I watched tv part of the day today. I mean, the simpsons is a good time investment anytime, and I had a good talk with my cousin today, but material things only have value if you can share them with people. otherwise, its empty and meaningless. I guess poverty could be meaningless too, if you didn't share it, I am pretty sure that it is the motive behind whatever it is you choose, or what drives you towards thankfulness or bitterness that matters. I suppose there are lots of people who don;t choose poverty. lots who do though.
and, while I do think TWU has issues, and I don't take back what I said earlier, I do want to make it clear that I love what I learned there, and many profs there. I just wish more people who would benefit from it, could go, despite their lack of taste in clothes, or their lack of funds to go.

pacem amis



And, for any orthodox folks who would like to correct me, please, I am slowly starving. I was wrong about my "how bad could it be?" when people (magdalen) made a face about going away so soon after being baptized. apparently it is a lot more difficult than I expected. where is the humble pie, maybe I can eat it quickly so I can come back home to st. hermans sooner. anyways, any orthodox perspectives on the post at the top are welcome, or anything)

9.04.2005

Sauna, say it Sah-ooo-nah, not saw-na

Soooo. I have an amazing house to live in, with a sauna on the lake, thats "sow-naa" for the panda who eats, shoots and leaves. food, drink, even a pipe to smoke once in a blue moon, and I made thai hot coconut soup with a recipe from my lovely lady, who I can't wait to get back and see, and it was actually pretty good. hotter than I like, but I still liked the soup, I think it would be bad if it were any less hot. anyways. there is even an outdoor fireplace, a sweet hammock under cover outside, trees everywhere, the nearest neighbour is at least a mile away, and all this is good, but without anyone to share it with, its kind of lame. I mean, I don't really care about any of it, and I watched tv part of the day today. I mean, the simpsons is a good time investment anytime, and I had a good talk with my cousin today, but material things only have value if you can share them with people. otherwise, its empty and meaningless. I guess poverty could be meaningless too, if you didn't share it, I am pretty sure that it is the motive behind whatever it is you choose, or what drives you towards thankfulness or bitterness that matters. I suppose there are lots of people who don;t choose poverty. lots who do though.
and, while I do think TWU has issues, and I don't take back what I said earlier, I do want to make it clear that I love what I learned there, and many profs there. I just wish more people who would benefit from it, could go, despite their lack of taste in clothes, or their lack of funds to go.

9.02.2005

honeybee

well, I am listening to liz janes, my hot girlfriend bought her cd, done gone fire, and its great. jessica is so rad. I really like her. really really.

sudbury is an interesting town. this program is interesting too, a girl in my class tried to tell me that the davinci code had all sorts of interesting background 'information'.

hmmm. despite not having read it, I know that I don't want to find my facts in novels, especially ones like that. might as well read left behind as truth. hmmm.

I am going to biss and phil's wedding. come hell or high water, I just paid my fees for the first term, I owed a grand total of $500 bucks, and for next semester, $300. and they are paying me monthly as well. how ridiculous. I mean, I love TWU, but for all the money floating around, you would think there would be some more scholarships or something. more TA's, more something.

what I mean by money is the students that go there. I think tuition should depend on how much money the person paying it makes. if dad is paying, and he is rich, he should pay more. if student is paying, and he is poor, he should pay less. I know I am too much of an idealist, but that is still who I am.

I may be the only one here who has a laptop, that surprised me. I thought all graduate students would have a laptop, and I have a car, that too seems a luxury. TWU is a different standard. everyone is good looking, everyone dresses well, everyone is happy. its nice and strange to be a part of reality. except there are not many cool coffee shops. inundated with tim hortons and greasy spoons. I want thai food. sad. no thai restaurants here.


seriously though, there is nothing like a new university to burst the bubble. I see TWU in such a different light now, I mean, I appreciate having many friends who take their education so seriously that many of us will do graduate degrees, and take them uber seriously, but many of my colleagues here are not really sure why they are doing the degree. it was nice to hear at least a few people who have good solid academic direction, PhD etc, art therapy, law school.

Apparently we all get money in the spring to work on our thesis. can you imagine? they are going to give me money so I don't have to work while I write! how awesome is that? very.


liz janes has such a cool voice. I am going to make hot coconut soup tonight. I think.

are we going winter camping for new years eve? lets! then the bears will come on and feel the illinoise!


and as far as church is concerned, they only do sunday morning liturgy, no vespers or anything. sad. we'll see how that works out, I visited two priests, and they seemed a little taken aback, but they both do some english in their services, so that is cool, and I live walking distance to the greek church, which is on a lake, its beautiful. there are three hundred lakes in this city. silly eh?


by your prayers,

much peace and love friends.