Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give to this world
All its

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its

We all remain




Christ is Born!

Indeed, I did not end up at the wildemans, didn't even call. sorry T&R, but I will see you all at the new years bash in the wack. can't wait. I missed most of it last year, but this year I will even bring bacon for breakfast, I got some from the butcher shop.

If anyone has a 2 bedroom place in langley they want to rent out, let me know, I am going apartment hunting today.

as well, I think its time for the January installment of the years best moments.
january's highlights included Phil's birthday, becoming a catechumen, and making the St. Herman's music video, as it is affectionately known.
Oh, I am eating baklava and orange juice for breakfast. there are things about bachelorhood that are good.

here is a poem that I posted in february, but you might not have seen it then. did I mention that I love St. herman;s?

and yes, Dan explained what Fr. Michael was talking about. now I have to go and look at my thesis proposal to see how much work I have to do this week.

pray for me a sinner,



yes, many highlights, weddings included, forthcoming. first however, some thoughts.

Speaking with a priest recently, we were watching the canucks take another beating over at Fr. Michaels house, he said something in regards to becoming a priest, generally, for anyone, that one should make it hard for God and easy on yourself.
I think that works and should apply to everything, Marriage, Priesthood, moving, making big decisions of any kind. I mean, they are all inherently risky and should be done in fear and trembling regardless, but I like what he said.
Something so large and so weighty should not be done in haste, years must go by with that in mind, but at the same time it must be not looked at as the purpose to our lives. I have often lived in the future, 'soon I will...', 'one day...' but like in matthew 6. Don't worry about tomorrow. sure, we can't ignore it, but we have to be content and fully alive in the moment. I look outside, stand or sit, and I breathe, life giving air, eat food that is a blessing from and for God. talk to a friend and see the image of Him, hear the voice of God speaking to me through a caring question 'should you be doing that?' when I wouldn't listen to the same question in my head that was not audible. It is now we live for, eternal life is right now, don't miss it. yesterday was heavenly, and so is today, and tomorrow too, but we don't live for tomorrow, we life in love right now.
I beg for self-control, humility and self-knowledge so I stop hurting others, so I can love purely. and what does it all mean? it is a response to love. I am loved by Christ through his body. I know God because I know people who do, and I am touched by Him through them, through His mystery(ies).
what do I live for? what do I try to live for. relationships that push us upwards.
sometimes there is fear of the unknown, not tomorrow, but am I right now doing something I ought not? perhaps the question is the answer.

yes, weddings were also a highlight, I think I was at 5 this year, in 2.

Merry Christmas

well. I am here. So is our God. with us. we had a beautifully restful and feastful day yesterday. we are having 12 days of feasts, like we ought to. the 12 days of christmas. a party every day. go to spruce Island to see the schedule. Its not totally full, but mostly. I am pretty stoked. I am hoping to work soon, so I might not make every one, but that is okay. yesterday, we had two turkeys, a variety of beverages, biss forced us to smoke our pipes in their library, it was grand.
I am here in aldergrove with Qjesse, and we have gotten to do the prayers together lately, I love having people to pray with. It is so sweet. I am so excited for bacon or sausage, we are going to go and get some bacon and eggs for breakfast. break fast. so good. So many good things have happened this year, get ready for a best moments of 2005 coming soon to my blog near you.

highlights include baptism, DMB at the gorge, sufjan in vancouver, numerous trips to seattle, cross country driving, strange blog encounters that stop being strange, a few good flicks, orthodoxy in spades, moving four times, My sister turning 20, getting an ibook, and a variety of other things. anyways. it will be good to relive the past a bit, and perhaps look ahead too. okay. thats all for this broadcast. Happy Feast! Christ is Born! Merry Christmas! and if anyone knows where my phone charger is, let me know.




working at the butcher shop. went to the canucks game last night, entertaining, but I wholeheartedly agree with Thomas, its time for a goaltending switch.
Happy Feast Day to Anastasia!
Apparently, Stacy has a friend, Br. Joshua, who picked up our Br. Cyprian from the airport in San Francisco. anyways. its nap time.
crazy small world.



I am home!

I love vancouver. I love sufjan stevens Christmas music.

I love cereal. my mom bought me a case of soy milk.

OH! I had the strangest/coolest experience yesterday. I went to Christ The Savious antiochian church in spokane for matins yesterday, and I met some great people. Matins was about an hour, beautiful, quiet, gorgeous little church. I spoke with them for a while, talked about my thesis, talked about St. Herman's, talked about Holy Nativity, they had heard of Fr. Lawrence, and two of them, the priest and the deacon both knew Fr. Michael Gillis, which was cool. Every orthodox church I go to, someone knows someone I know. Its amazing.
Anyways, I met this guy there, and he was quite hyper-excited about church, faith etc, a classic orthodork, he grew up in the greek church, but he was excited about orthodoxy, and said something about how it was not an ethnic thing, but a faith thing, and he was excited about spreading it around regardless of nationality. that was cool. so, he said for me to come to his car, he had a CD to give me. okay, I thought, a CD, cool. a few minutes later, I put at least ten new books into my car, as many CD's and DVD's about orthodoxy. I couldn't believe it. For the second time this semester, some random new orthodox friend/mentor has laden me down with books etc. He then said come back to his office, he has another CD for me. right. more books. then he fixed my headlight, or helped me, and bought me a new light. and made me take some money. not that I fought him on that one either. it was so amazing. anyways. that isn't even the coolest news,

He said he wanted me to come back, and bring friends from church, just to visit, and then I asked him what he did for a living, and he is a property manager, he owns a tavern, and he does some investing. he is a business man.

I told him about our project, and I asked him to help us learn how to do business stuff, and he said he would help. So, a new connection, another piece of the puzzle. God is so good.

Then, I drove to seattle, and between spokane and seattle, there was the coolest thing ever. freezing fog had frozen onto every still living thing, and made it all a stark white colour, it was so gorgeous. I was listening to the beautiful christmas melodies made so homely and sometimes stark by sufjan, his aesthetic approach is so healthy, so honest and so lush.

today I get to go to church. I am so excited I am on the other side of excitement. I get excited, and hyper, but I am too excited to be able to express it, so I am just calm and overwhelmed. I am going to go and see tim and bethany now, if my Dad ever gets out of the shower.

okay. well. I am home. thank you for your prayers,


sufjan christmas

go here for the link to download sufjan steven;s christmas music. it is beautiful.

tomorrow I will be home.

home. I can't wait.

home. home. home. home. what a beautiful word.


Final Exam

Frantically writing a take home final in a hotel room in Fargo ND.

hating caffiene.

listening to Jonny hughes rockin out.

excited for home, and a snowy day to challenge the ol' driving skills. I got my car fixed, the muffler is alright, and the cv boot is new. blast.

today might make travelling a little slower than expected.

I have a bunch of thoughts about msculinity, inspired by Thomas, but they will have to wait.

something about how being a man, and if leadership is a part of that, entails being first to be vulnerable, first to apologize, first to swallow our pride, as well as being first to take a bullet, climb the mountain, jump off the diving board, etc.

they are all risks, and if we are to lead the way, it has to be holistic. I don't think so much about what it means to be a man, as much as I think about how I can be a son of God, holier.

But I do like reading Thomas's posts, and for all you who click on the link, sorry I have not fixed it yet, go through RW or The love of God is madness.

okay. to exam.


that was quick

well, here I am again.
yup, it was a brief hiatus. It is snowing like mad, so while I am hoping to leave tomorrow, it may not be first thing in the morning. I am going to have my muffler looked, it has a hole in it, and my folks are not excited about that. I guess it would suck to die from carbon monoxide poisoning because I took a nap in my car. I know I am naive and laissez faire about these kinds of trips, but...well nothing. I guess I am just that way. I don't get stressed about this sort of thing. I am excited about the challenge it poses. but, I will do what I can to have a safe car, so...I will go first thing in the morning to the muffler place. should have gone last week.


being is beautiful and hard

there will be a (no doubt) brief hiatus from writing here. I wonder how long it will last.


theory and practice of love

So, I had an epiphany last night (unrelated, make sure to read matthew francis's comments on the last post, great thoughts...)

Another reason I love st. herman's and orthdoxy is that it has shown me a viable example of both the theory and practice of Christian love.
many evangelical churches I have been to or belonged to spoke very eloquently about how we ought to love, but were not themselves a living example of a community like that. others were not even eloquent about it, nor were examples of that love. rarely was there an example of someone who loved and couldn't articulate why. I always remember Pastor Doug Braun, from the mission alliance church, he is amazing.
but, at st. herman's, and among other orthodox people I know, there is both the desire and ability to talk about how to love and live, but there is also a growing relationship within the church. St. Herman's especially has a group of people willing to be vulnerable and honest to the end of loving and being loved. It is a community that manifests Christ in word and deed.
of course we are not perfect, and I haven't been there in a while so I can sort of speak from afar, but I hear the words and works of love, and I also experience them. I often hear people talk about what it means to be a Christian, but their lives reflect something very different than what they are talking about. they don't even realize that there is a disconnect between what they assent to intellectually and how they live.
I have had conversations with people who are Christians, are very concerned with what it means to be saved, technically, but seem unconcerned with knowing what love actually is. it was sad.
people at St. Herman's seem concerned with both knowing the stuff, and living it out. I think it is orthodoxy that pushes us towards a holistic life, one that doesn't really allow us to compartmentalize our selves.

I am eating my coconut lentil soup, it is good, but really spicy. I put lots of cayenne in it. haaaaaaa. hot. only a few days before I come home!

I want to thank you all for commenting here, it has meant a lot to me that you care enough to do that. I know its electronic, but it helps me remember who I am and how I got here.
I am so grateful.
When I go back home, I will likely post a bit less, be a little busier, with actually having a job, going to church a little more, and friends within physical proximity. but of course I will still need to rant, and I do love hearing from those outside the lower mainland, of which there are a growing number.

peace and love to you,


December 5th 2006 (this one is so full of ADD influence...}

first, a happy birthday to my beautiful and rad sister, Tessa ,who is now the proud dweller of the twenty-something generation. way to go!

her and I apparently will be having a rad housewarming party sometime in January. come one come all.

oh, and is the new years snowshoeing camping trip still going on? what is shakin? talstras ,moes's, whoever else? speak now or, soon, or forever hold your peace.

I will be on the road in less than a week, monday morning at least. So excited. I am reading Gadamer, and understanding! who does that? apparently this school thing is working. of course I am here and not in my MACINTOSH version of word. go to jessannstevens xanga and see the funny thing on emergent churches. but beware, her blog carries a parental guidance suggestion. she likes to cuss. but don't we all?

and... I had a dream last night that I was an assassin. I watched mr and mrs smith last night with my cousins. it was rad. so clever and well written. the focus on their marriage was really cool. and the way that their forced vulnerability eventually made their relationship much healthier than it had been is remeniscent of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotles mind. apparently Hollywood is recognizing the fact that we humans are broken and need to love each other as we are. Haper's magazine has an article in it about how Hollywood is becoming quite the Christian place. hmmm. I doubt that, but who knows. can't wait to see narnia. it will be a good time.

okay. back to gadamer. anyways. happy sinterklass day to all of my calvinist brethren, whom I must ask, did you know that you celebrate the saints? i didn't realize it, but eat some oly bullen for me.

I went to liturgy today at a greek church, and I was so thankful, because I missed most of liturgy yesterday due to driving my cousins to their church, but I also get to go to liturgy tonight at my antiochian church here in london. I don't know the rules, but I suspect we are not to partake in two liturgies in one day, stacy said it was a different liturgical day. I will ask. but it was a blessing this morning. we'll see.

yes. so hyper. so writing. so coming home. so living in langley with Tessa. see, she even has a cool name.

interesting things here, my sister has such a creative name, and mine is so typical and christian. I love my name, don't get me wrong, but my parents clearly grew in stages.

David Michael Pasivirta back in '80, and in '85 they gave my sister Tessa Marjory Ellen Pasivirta. what a handle. I dig them both. very cool. I share my names with some cool people, so its all good. and goodness, my sisters middle name is Marge. Marge! how cool. now I am laughing out loud. we should call her Marge. our grandma marge (who she is named for) is so cute. she always makes fun of me in a playful way. and shush's her husband "Oh Paul!" its so cute. they are so wonderful. I love being with them, Grandpa talks all the time, and tells great stories. just like me. well, I have to work on it. but anyways. they live where there is lots of snow right now. manitoulin island.

the last time I was with them, I walked around in the snow with my grandpa, and we talked about trees, and snow, and bears, and old friends. he is a man who has been an example of Godliness that I look up to and have as long as I can remember, because he not only talks about God all the time, but also exudes love. He and my grandma are the pinnacle of hospitality givers. always having company. I htink that is where I got my love of guests. and my parents are that way too. anyways. that was quite a rant. back to Gadamer.


currently drinking, cranberry pop. to be clever, I could just say its cran. oh. so in. so hip. I am going to quit my job and go. its good advice .



So. Here is another thing I love about church, and a question.
Why do we concern ourselves with the fate of those who a) have never heard the gospel, and b) reject it?
perhaps this is assinine, or blatantly wrong, so help me out here.
But, "the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love"
not only that, but he was incarnate, experieced the pain of our existence so that we could relate to Him better, understand Him better etc. He does not reveal all to us, it is not for us to decide who joins Him in the Kingdom of heaven, I don't think we ought to ignore our neighbour, we ought to love them. all of them, insofar as it is possible anyways, but why do we concern ourselves with questions about who will be saved?
I had a great discussion with some girls I met at church last night, two lutherans and two orthodox, and it was very thought provoking. they were all either in first year at UWO, or in high school, but they were very thoughtful, they reminded me of sunday afternoons with St. Herman's people. it was great. but, one girl who knows her church history quite well, (was reading first things in High School) was saying that the verse in John "I am the way, truth and life, no one comes to the father except through me means that the people who have not been baptised in Christ are not a part of the family of God. they maintain the relationship of creator-created, but do not have one of father-child. hmmmmm. I wonder. I have a hard time with that, because it offends my sense of compassion, but I think that might be the same reason that many people claim pluralism as valid, because it offends their christian sense of compassion. how could a loving God be so exclusive. well, I Believe that Christianity is exclusive, but God is probably beyond our grasp, so why would/should we worry about it?
Is part of trusting God letting Him continue to make the decisions he has for so long, trusting in the mysterious justice and mercy? hmmmm.

I know we have to be true to what has been revealed to us, we must be faithful to our relationship with God, as with anyone, we must do what we ought in accordance with what we know of that person. I wonder if it is so systematic, and if God is bound to his own laws. sure, biblical critics talk about John being Christ's truths recorded by the essense after He died, but its still truth either way, and modern biblical scholarship, like anything human, has its flaws...am I getting bogged down in a hermaneutical circle? perhaps. time to read Gadamer. whoohoo!

pax in terra, Christ is in our midst!



So, I have been talking really quickly through my prayers sometimes, and I have needed to slow down. It is hard with prayers that are written out, because like anything I have done more than a few times, I end up thinking about other things while praying. I guess that is part of discipline.

here is one of the morning prayers, it is so full.

O Heavenly King, the comforter, the spirit of truth,
everywhere present and filling all things,
treasury of blessings and giver of life: come and abide in us and cleanse us from every impurity and
save our souls, O Good One.

things I think about this, or, ever changing exegesis,

the comforter, who is with us, who teaches us discernment, who is with us when we bless and curse.

but the part about "treasury of blessings and giver of life" is what gets me. really. when I stop and think about this, I can barely help but be overwhelmed. I have been given so many blessings, and they are all part of being alive. right now, it is snowing like crazy outside, I love the beauty of the earth, in so many ways and places, times, but also here and now, its gorgeous, (and fun)
I have enough food, I have clothes, a car, material things more than I need. I have people that I love and that love me, strewn about this spinning ball, and a good concentration of them in the lower mainland.
This treasury of blessings is from the giver of life, but I still need to have my soul continually brought to closer union with God. when I ask for my soul to be saved, its not because it isn't, but because I am not as close to God as I could be.
I need to be cleansed from my impurities. we all do. it is a process. I always wondered why it was such a cycle, back and forth. sin pray sin pray sin pray, clean dirty clean dirty clean dirty, and now its still the same, but I am learning how and why not to sin in ways that actually spur me towards change and purity through and for God. Its more than merely a weekly carwash, or catharsis. I say that because that is how I used to see it, not in that language, but pretty close.
I love too that I have been instructed not to dwell in guilt when I fall, rather to pick up and keep going, not to ignore it either, but not to be obsessed by my failure, rather to be thankful for grace, and really experience it. that is the intersection of joy and sorrow, grace. sad because I am selfish, and at the same time giddy for forgiveness. exactly the same time. its sobering, but beautiful.


lets see. today. hmmmm. a few things.

not that I can really call this a part of the list, its not something to include in a list. I received sad news, a girl I knew from TWU has apparently passed away. God grant her rest and mercy, I had not talked to her in a long time, and I didn't know her terribly well, but she had visited St. Herman;s a few times, and I knew her from choir. Anuhea Uchida. Lord, have mercy. Simeon called me while I was with my cousin to let me know.

The other day, I had a great talk with Jessica. we chatted about important things, and about the weather. good, comfortable. we had been emailing etc, but we hadn't talked for a bit, so I was really glad.

I have been writing a paper for a class of mine, it is exciting, but I think I am going to have to write a lot more than I need, and then sift and cut. thats okay, lots of words coming out of here.

I said this earlier, but I really hate TV. I love being here in London with my cousins, but we have too many TV's here. I need to learn self control, so I am not watching mindless reruns while I ought to read or write. I look forward to not having cable.

I was able to figure out how to fix my car stereo, it wasn't playing mp3 CD's. now it is.

hmmmm. important things. I liked Biss's post. and, an apology, sorry to jump the gun on posting on our kitchen.

Its snowing again, I wore my flip flops.

Tyson and Carolina had a baby, congratulations! and I figured out who is reading my blog that doesn't register a country.

hmmmm, new blogs to check out. Jonah Jordan, Matthew Zacharias, any others?

the canucks lost.

I know, its a list. its been a strange but good day. okay. listening to music, typing and watching the snow fall. I went to class on the phone, Its awkward, that is for sure. but thats okay.

oh, and here is my list of school related things to do. not that you care necessarily, but I thought about it and I need a place to write it down, and I look at my blog at least once a day.

-Freedom in brothers K and for the life of the world (Paper)
-close reading of rhetoric used in gay marriage debate (paper)
-research demographics of people over 50 and their involvement in church, attendance etc in USA, Britain, and Australia.
-take home final exam.
-Drive home.


la biblioteque

J'aime la biblioteque, parce qu'il ya des beaucoup des choses des livres, et j'aime bien des livres. l'autre semaine, Fr. John donne a moi les livres qui sont tres bien. Je dit a il beaucoups des 'merci'
J'avais besoin de continue pratique mon francais, et si je pratique ici, mon ami avoir aidez correctez moi, et donc j'appris plus bon.

anyways. It started snowing again, but not much. not near as much as vancouver. our weather is not nearly as dramatic as you guys are getting these days. I am working through comparing the conversion of Fr. Zossima in the brothers karamazov to the description of the liturgy that Fr. Schmemann gives us, specifically the language of freedom and how freedom is necessary in both for the process of salvation. One of the many things that drew me to orthodoxy was the emphasis on the freedom of the person to make choices that matter, coupled with the necessity of choosing in a communal context, so that we are living our faith as a part of the body of Christ.

Its a bit hard to get started, I haven't written a paper in a while. a year and a half it seems. thats okay.

maybe two weeks and I will be in vancouver, close to that anyways. you must forgive my counting down, but I am excited.
I talked with Fr. Lawrence today, and it was great. very encouraging and very comforting, it reminded me a lot of being at home.

home. what a word.


Perin and Taice

Perin and Taice
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
Here is a picture of Perin, Taice and I. They are mary Scratch's kids, and she is Fr. John Scratch's daughter. I got to hang out with Perin during church when I was in Ottawa, they are so great. It was so...human to hold Perin, I even got to take him with me to receive eucharist from the bishop. it was beautiful. and Taice, she just wouldn't stop laughing and talking while we drove home from church. just adorable these kids.
okay. now I really am going to go and work on my paper. I finished my textbook for one of my classes this morning, now to re-read the russian monk.


flippin 'eck,

So, I just had so much fun. I went to a gymnastics gym with my cousin, and it was SO RAD! it was funny, there were a bunch of young hoodlums learning how to do free running, which is like snowboarding or skateboarding but without any wheels, just running and jumping over things. I used to do that like/my goodness, I was 15 years old ten years ago. that makes me feel so freaking old. dang./ yes, I did it when I was in high school. practicing for snowboarding. but I also learned how to consistently do flips, backwards and forwards. I think when I go home I want to take gymnastics lessons. do they have adult gymnastics classes? it might be a little awkward if I had to line up next to a bunch of five year old kids to practice tumbling. maybe just doing it at the gym on an open gym night like tonight. it was sweet. but it was funny, we listened to fall out boy, and it was mostly a bunch of teenagers, all guys, learning how to flip and run up walls, and do cartwheels and round offs and stuff. it was great fun. I didn't get that much work done today, but tomorrow, tomorrow I will. more of the russian monk to come. it is so windy tonight, I love intense weather. yes. it was so fun. I will be sore tomorrow no doubt.
flickr has been updated! go and see pics of the cathedral in ottawa, and the view from my house in sudbury.


London On

I am in London, I visited Ed in simcoe, after driving through heavy snow all day friday, it was so fun. I love the snow. then there was about 8 inches of snow all around southern Ontario, its great. however, now it has all melted, its like 15 degrees outside, its so warm, I wore my flip flops to shoppers drug mart, so later this afternoon, there should be more pics on flickr. tonight I am going to a gym with my cousin, we are going to learn how to do flips and stuff, its going to be sweet.
I went to an english church yesterday, Holy Transfiguration Antiochian church, and it was good. They conscripted me into the choir, since it is very small and they are having some transitional moments, their choir director just had to stop being a choir director, he is a bit ill. So, saturday night I helped out, and then on sunday morning, Fr. Polycarp pointed me to the choir, which was fine. though, as tenor, it was a bit trying to sing the Ison the whole time. oh well. Its still great to be at an english church. as well, some of the people in the church have given me a few odd jobs, which is sweet. I helped a guy I know move, and then he took me and my buddy out for dinner, it was good.
I will start writing my papers today, so excited. dostoevsky and Fr. Schmemann.

I think I hate TV. there are good films out there for sure, but having it on all the time, its so distracting. I need to go upstairs so I can read and concentrate.

I often think about clever things to say here, to provoke thought etc, but...its all dissappeared right now. maybe later.

time for dostoevsky.



Finally, we have lots of snow on the ground.

It has been a good few days.
Spent some good time with my aunt and uncle, had coffee with one of my cool profs, my friend came over for food a few times, we ate soup a lot. I gave a lecture/led a discussion. I read.

Its funny how at the end of something, things are different. I didn't really like the people here when I got here, it took time to connect, but it turned out the people I connected with, we connected well.

My friend Robyn and I talked a lot, both of us not being from sudbury made it a little easier to connect, but whatever it was, it was good.

I had a good talk on the phone with Dan the other day, and Biss today, (and Graham you are welcome, TVP is salvation for us newbies eh?)

I have not fasted terribly well, because I am with people who are not fasting, so...I don't really know what the answer is, I will talk to Fr. when I get home, and in the meantime, continue as I can.

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Americans out there, enjoy the turkey, or the tofurkey.

I am SO excited to start my journey home. I get to go to an enlish church this weekend, SO needed.

and to clarify a point of...familial relating I guess would be the best way to say it, after that moment of tension and dissapointment between me and my Grandpa, we went for a walk in the snow, and talked about things we connected on. he told me about shooting bears when he was young, and it was great. Just like when I was young. I think it was our way of being loving, leaving that issue alone.

When I was young, I used to think everything had to be solved right now. I don't see through the glass quite as darkly as I used to. though my windshield always fogs up.

anyways, pray for a safe trip, I plan to hit up simcoe tomorrow, and then to london on saturday, and then between london and kitchener for the next two weeks. and then...home sweet home.


The Plague

well...I am on the home stretch. I will be soon travelling home, driving across the northern states. perhaps stopping in chicago, perhaps in minnesota? I don't know the distances yet. we will see. I am reading the plague by Camus right now, it is quite interesting. a large metaphor for evil in the modern era, it is ominous in both its metaphorical arena and its literal one. this bird thing they talk about. If its going to be what the theorists are saying it is, and if that comes anywhere near what this book talks about, dang.

it is cold her now. I want to go and buy chocolate with which to study. I may. the canucks are on tonight, that will be cool. I am going to visit Ed on friday, and I heard that Jeff Martin's mom passed away today. Lord have mercy. Jeff is a friend from TWU who I have not heard from in a long time. if anyone knows how to get a hold of him, let me know.His mom had cancer for a long time, I was living with him for a brief time in first year when he got the phone call, his response was fear, but also one of prayer.

before I drive across the country, I will spend two weeks in london with some relatives, my cousins are fun. I will mostly be writing papers, but I will go to an english church, which will be a sweet blessing. I talked to a roommate of mine today, who offered me a place to live in January, its kind of far from Van. though, so we'll see. Still have to talk to my rad sister and see what she is hoping for/planning.

today I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, read, played video games even. what a distraction that was. glad I didn't discover that earlier in my stay here. whoooo. war games. call of duty. such a quick addiction. I turned it off, knowing I had to read.

Oh, and if anyone wants to know about the best christmas meal ever, ask me about the finnish ham. its GLORIOUS!



Dave Matthews Band song 'bartender' is playing, comforting I think. I will be going down south this weekend, Ed, if you are reading this, I will email you with my planned schedule, I think friday night I will be around...still snowing down there?
anyways. I was at church this morning, and at the beginning of church, there were twelve of us there, by the end maybe 40 or 50 including the kids. finally I got to go up for eucharist with some adults. four old ladies were right behind me, which was cool. I guess advent and all. It certainly is advent. it has been a rich week, and they usually are, but not so often is there so much about life and death going on. song lyrics "I'm on bended knee, oh bartender please, I'm on bended knees, oh father please" "fill my glass for me with the wine you gave Jesus after three days in the ground"
and then one of the most heart wrenching, wrending improvisations, including soaring vocals that have no words, expressing what words cannot, a cry for God so dionysian and so honest, so lost and so full of hurt, so needy of the divine wine.
anyways. I am a bit tired today. still reading Annie Dillard, but preparing a lecture on the evangelical response to pluralism, really reacting to a book that is so hard to read. hard because it is so full of emotional rhetoric, and because the author doesn't seem to understand her worldview, and that really makes her susceptible to being seduced by the 'religiousity' or holiness of a city like Banaras (subtitle is "from bozeman to banaras"
anyways. I have some friends coming over for the night, its my friend Robyn's Birthday, her and Tee Jay are coming over and we will have a brew or two in honour of it being sunday, and Robyn's birthday. it will be cool, but I still miss last year's advent sunday feasts. make sure you carry it on out there in the west!

peace and geese.



Finally. Saturday. I am going to help my uncle a bit, call my friend from school and we will read or something, and just be mellow. I need to read. need to read. need to read.

I watched a sudbury wolves hockey game last night, it was really fun, not quite like the NHL, but still cool. I made good soup the other day, it had coconut milk, potatoes, mushrooms, snow peas, good spices, mmmm. tasty. oh, and TVP! and lentils. a hearty winter soup.

the snow is melting. sad. oh well, it will come again on monday I think.



Grandpa pt 2

now I understand why I am such a blog nerd. thank you.

here is a bit of an update. I spent some time with my Grandpa after the difficult moment, it was so strange I scarcely believe it. thats really cool that your Dad comes to church with you corie.
anyways, it was very strange, but I saw my Grandpa again, and we even went for a walk, and it was as though he had decided to ignore it, perhaps my aunt had told him to not bother with it, or something. I don't really know what to make of it, it was like a strange nightmare. anyways. thank you.

I know that he can;t really understand it, and I know its because he has spent his life loving God in a particular way, I cherish his faith, because it is so much a part of why I am where I am.

It is really sad though to know that such a beautiful thing causes so much pain. and this is not the first time it has caused division and pain. oddly enough my parents, while not terribly comfortbale with it, they have visited a few times, enough to know it is Christ centred, which I guess is their concern.

my mom thinks it has too much stuff added on. anyways. I didn't want to leave it at that, such a hard moment with no end to the story. It is still sad, but it was made more comfortable, and the five year old in me that remembers fishing with Grandpa is satiated by that. the twenty five year old will pray and think. and go to church, and know that it is love that worried him.

thank you for your words. it has been an interesting week.

Grandpa Springer

I think there is rain in my heart. or out.
My Grandpa, on my mom's side, one of my favourite people in the world, and has been for a very long time, introduced me to fishing, took me traipsing through the bush, he grew up a part of the woods and wilderness, raised foxes, hunted, fished, trapped, essentially passing that love of being outside to me, he is a beautiful man.
He got so hurt and then mad at me today because I was baptized in the orthodox church. re-baptized some would call it. I tried to explain sacrament and symbol, and something about the church, but he didn't really know how to listen, and is so much entrenched in sola scriptura. I shouldn't have said it, but I mentioned infant baptism, that got him even more riled, I couldn't believe it at first, and tried to talk to him sort of jovially, but then I saw he was really mad, almost shouting. I have never in my life been so surprised by hurt. my grandpa does not hurt people. he shouted at me and said infant baptism was wrong.
please don't start this debate in the comment section, that is not the point of why I am writing this.
I hate that orthodoxy is so hard to understand, so strange, so divisive, so hurtful. It really makes sense, that verse about "I did not come to bring peace, but a sword..." and then the part about dividing sons and fathers, daughters and mothers, I kno it. w Grandpa is from a different generation, he was saved through someone preaching on a street corner. God Bless him, and lord have mercy on me. I love him, but I don't ever want to talk about orthodoxy with him, and I don't want to be fake, so I don't know what to talk about. I don't get it. I thought if I keep this up I am going to cry, so I just shut up and let him finish and didn't respond, and cried on my way home in the car, listening to beautiful russian church music. I know what I have tasted and seen, I can't explain it.

O taste and see that the Lord is good, Lord have mercy.


Mummo Pasivirta

I am looking forward to fasting, but I wish I was at St.Herman's. it will be good to be home. I know I posted this earlier, but with my new format, I am going to talk about it again. I visited my Grandma's grave today. It was beautiful, a cedar tree is growing nearby, and it was bitter cold and blowing snow. a beautiful moment though, good to see her, and talk to her. The stone said in big letters PASIVRTA, and it was interesting to know that she had been responsible in so many ways for so much of who I am. my identity is wrapped up in her, the choices she made, so much of it is my tacitly affective history. she knit a wool-ish blanket for me, I love it. she used to make us pulla, a finnish coffee bread, and she babysat me while Tessa was born. I remember watching MASK the cartoon, and being sad she was a girl, but I love her, I couldn't have a cooler sister. So, I visited my Grandmother today, it was beautiful and cold, it was a strong day, full of life and death. memory eternal.
Helpful hints for those of us learning to fast, Jessica posted this on my other blog,

1. You need your B's. These are very important. They keep you from feeling down.
However, they are found mainly in animal products and brewers yeast (think beer- but only on non-fasting days). I recommend Vegemite. Oh vegemite... how I love you. In fact, I'm eating it right now spread on toast. Flavor soups, make gravy, spread thinly on bread...the possibilites are endless. Marmite is the same thing only British.

B. Lentils: Fast, cheap, nutrition powerhouse. They've got B vitamins, iron and protein in good quantities. Make curries, soups, even burgers. A little go a long way.

3. If you miss cheese this is what I use to subsitute parmesean: yeast flakes and raw almonds. Toss in a blender and grind to a powder. Pinch of salt. It doesn't melt but tricks the taste buds and pleases your colon (cow milk cheese is hard on it).

4. Since you are going without oils/fats sprinkle flax seed on everything (this is what I did for racing to make sure I was getting the right fats on a low-fat vegan diet). Put some in a soy-milk smoothy, sprinkle on salad or any vegetable sidedish, put in pancakes, hot cereal, yada, yada, yada. It's got good omega fatty acids. You need those.

5. One word: Seitan.(google it to find out what it is, its amazing, very meat-like) though I know part of the idea is to learn to be hungry, this is still helpful at times.


today I visited my grandmothers grave. It was beautiful, there was a cedar tree growing out of it. I plucked a small bit to bring home to my Dad, and an even smaller bit for myself. Experiencing orthodoxy has given me a context for the need to connect physically with things, places, experiences and moments. Everything is Holy, including the tree growing from where my grandma rests. And orthodox of not, people talk to their loved ones when they are at graveyards, but my understanding of the Kingdom of God and the saints allows me to do that, but with the knowledge that it is not something I have to question, but its what we do. we talk to people who are not here, but with God. Graham posted today about funerals and death, and I read it just before I left. It was interesting timing. as well, Memory Eternal for Elizabeth's grandpa who is newly departed. memory eternal.

the sun is shining now, it will snow again I am sure.

pax in terra


protein and Sid!

here it comes, here it comes again. I love the memory of the discomfort I currently feel, it reminds me of another reason orthodoxy spoke to me so strongly.

let me give my fast/feast example.

Sid. Sid is the context for this memory, Sid and his apartment. I will sorely miss this happening, as it was/is a dear memory.

last year, at this time, we were all very hyper about orthodoxy, and about learning about what it means to fast by participtating in the fast, even though half of us at least were not even catechumens yet.

I remember this same hunger that I now have, I just ate, but it wasn't filling the way a protein or fat rich meal is, and I woke up hungry this morning. even though I have lots of food, its a lot of empty carbs, anyways. on sundays, when we have a fish/wine/oil day, we would go to church, eat lunch with everyone and stay and talk and have catechumen class until about three, and then we still hadn't had enough of each other, so we would go to sid's house and hang out, rent a movie, drink some beer, or on one occasion, zeke taught sid and I how to drink scotch, the lesson being reiterated sometime later by gregory. anyways, there were usually at least 8 or so of us, some in the living room talking, some in the kitchen watching sid cook up some homemade beer batter fish that he had gotten while working on a fishing boat, and we all had some fish and talked about fasting and orthodoxy, and then we would watch some canadiana, like Atanarjuat, The Fast Runner, or argue about watching Farley mowat NFB films, or something. it was great. we also got together out in coquitlam once, I remember watching SAVED! with a few who were just finding orthodoxy, and a few who had been there a lot longer, and I was confused as to why they saw it as not very funny. I am beginning to see it, I think.

anyways. I haven't talked to Sid since the wedding, and one of the things I look forward to when I get home is the bone crushing bear hug that I expect, and his no-nonsense zeal. It is so refreshing and inspiring. Sid has such a great attitude. all of you st. herminians, make sure you tell him so, and give him a hug for me when you see him next. if this works properly, he should be overwhelmed by hugs next sunday! anyways.

I have a friend at school here, we hang out from time to time, its cool, and she is bringing vegan thai food in support of the advent fast! how cool is that? (I'll tell you, its very cool)



wow. I really do. and like Phil was saying, it is so much about being
I visited with Fr. Lawrence this weekend in Ottawa, I went to a heirarchical litia, and liturgy, which were both uber long and very beautiful, I think liturgy was like three hours or something crazy like that. but it was gorgeous. but, just talking to Father Lawrence in the evenings, seeing Fr. John Scratch, a man who glows with God's love, and he saw me and glowed at me, smiling, and touched my face with both of his hands and asked me how I was, I told him "I remember who I am!" with glee, because, while I had not completely forgotten of course, I had become a little disoriented I guess. I am/we are so influenced by those around us, and I really like my friends from school, they are a lot of fun, and thoughtful. I was even accused by my friend who is gay of being open minded. I thought that was funny, because I don't fancy myself that open minded, I think I am able to not get all tied up with the way we all behave, because we all behave oddly every once in a while, so what good would it do to judge? I think they mistook love for open mindedness, anyways. after driving to ottawa with the remnants of a great evening coursing through my veins and a dull headache also reminding me of it, I knew I needed to be with people who would help me remember part of who I am that I had not been encouraged towards for a while. being around a whole pile of priests helped, they always grin, and its real. I know I am not explaining this well, but I will keep trying. (weezer is blessing my soul, say it aint so)
so, talking with Fr. Lawrence in the evenings, hearing about the council and plans and difficulties, talking about the church back home, talking about music, talking about anything, just reminded me of being at church, and then after church we did the same thing. just like at st. hermans, it was zeke, elizabeth, Fr. Lawrence and I, we were the only ones left in the lunchroom. at 330, we laughed at how it was like being at st.hermans, the last ones to leave. then we went to zeke and cheryl's apartment, which is the old rectory, its so cool. they live in the church.
I also did confession, it was short, and wonderful, and then Fr. Lawrence and I talked a bit about it, and it was so reassuring. He reminded me that it makes sense that being out in sudbury would be disorienting and difficult.

Oh, it was like a spiritual hot tub after living in the arctic, and I was given good clothes when I left, but boy I was getting cold.

I drove home last night, I even had REAL coffee, I never do that, but it worked out okay. they say its supposed to snow tomorrow, I hope so, I can't wait for it to be on the ground. its cold and clear here today.

Oh, and I drove Fr. Lawrence to the train station, and we listend to Dave Matthews Band on the way, I played Crash for him, and he said he didn't mind it, though he is glad it was not played at his daughter's wedding. I think his artistic ability/savvy is underestimated, at least it probably was by me. I get the impression that he is very cognizant of...at least some depth of aesthetic appreciation. my first clue was the poem he read at the fundraiser, it seems like he is really subtle and even humble or quiet about it, but its there. a thorough, thoughtful aesthetic.

right, I forgot I titled this post that way. but I do, oh I do. If I wasn't, I would kind of be free floating, and going to a variety of churches, which would be okay I guess, but a lot harder, and mind you the greek church is not my favourite place to be, but its consistent, and going to ottawa is certainly a worthwhile endeavour. and I talked to Fr. Lawrence about money too, and He helped me see that whatever I do, it should not necessarily be out of strict legalism, which of course even I am prone to sometimes, though I fancy myself a free spirit, whatever that means, so that was really freeing. that is really why I love orthodoxy, is because it is SO freeing. I remember how last spring and late winter I was blogging a lot about "this is why I love Orthodoxy" and its all true. today its because it sets me free to remember who I am even more than I knew before. I remember who I am becoming. I become more like Christ, I am really free to love, to be loud and silly, and to be silent and reverent, to feast and enjoy the fruits of the earth, to fast and conserve, to spend a ton of money on a meal, or to eat rice, the details are not what matters, but how and why you partake in whatever it is. Paul talks about how he can/has lived with abundance, and with little. its not about poverty for poverty, or wealth for wealth, but all for Christ, and by Christ. I remember talking with Christo about that a while ago, well, maybe it was at the bible study with Zach and Dan and James too, or maybe it was a MarsHill thing, I can't remember...but all for and by Christ. regardless of what it is.

anyways. I love being. and my being, as it will be shaped, I need it shaped by orthodoxy.


ottawa pt 3

So, I am in Ottawa, I saw zeke and cheryl, and was blessed by Father Lawrence, and will ask the Bishop tomorrow for his, I am so excited to be here so many cassocks and habits wandering around with people in them. the people usually make me smile, because they are usually smiling. The kids I played with a while ago, Fr. John Scratch's grandkids, are so cute, they asked about me, whether or not I was going to come and play with them. It makes me want to go to the kids store and pick up a few of my own. of course I know I am naive and only see them when they are cute and giggly and bubbly and cuddly, but dang, it still gets me.
It is good to be here, its a taste of home, and a breath of fresh air. Going to the greek church is difficult. life is too, but this seems unnecessarily difficult.
I went out with my friends from school last night, it was a good time. we always talk about truth and interpretation, and I of course cannot shut up about church, but they listen and are interested. and then another pitcher showed up, and another. yes, I think fun is what it was called. anyways, suffice it to say I am looking forward to sleep. I hope you all at the retreat are doing well and having fun and learning lots, bring me back wisdom!

zeke and I made hummus. its good to see them. I listened to a fun song today by the pink martinis. I know, it sounds a little fluffy, but its good. clever french lounge music, sung very well.



Ah, le nord. J'aime le frois. NON!

today, there is a freezing rain warning. its cold here. I would rather be in siberia where it is snowing apparently. give me snow, or give me sun. yeah, and I can't wait to get back to Vancouver. ha.

today I have to find my neitzsche photocopies and read read read. Nietzsche is one of my favourites.

I am listening to the Stichera of the last kiss. It's beautiful. what am I going to eat. chips, salsa and hummous. hummus. houmus. how do you spell this word? I guess maybe it doesn't matter. maybe it's with a U if you are from Canada.

I was watching the price is right, and part of the showcase was a trip to 'Exciting Canada!" it was really funny to hear that. who wins a trip to 'Canada' ? this is the second biggest country on the planet, you would think they would be a little more specific. they were, it was 6 days at whistler, the most expensive place in the world, well, in my world. Aspen for Canadians. Prince Charles sometimes hangs there. oh the Royals.

Et aussi, Je pense que j'avais besoin d'un piece de francais dans mon blog, par ce que j'avais un examen francais plus tard pour mon ecole, et donc Je desire pratique mon francais. particulairement mon vocabulaire. s'il vous plait, aidez mois appris le francais plus bon pour mon examen, si vous comprenez que Je dit ici. bon, merci.

ah, et aussi, cette annee, J'aime l'hockey bien, mon canucks son le mieux



I remembered it.

My new favourite magazine is GQ. yup. they usually have one really great article about something to do with christianity and american culture, and they are often written so honestly and fairly that it is surprising. very well done. thanks GQ.
Today I read about an attorney general who is thoughtful, articulate, and is interested in the rhetoric surrounding the abortion debate. it was great.
I keep on forgetting this great Idea I have to write here, I am sure it will come back.

In the meantime, its story time. today, I went to a flea market that is totally closed, but still has a whole pile of junk outside, and I poked around.
I also met five rabbits, who were busy trying to mate with each other, and one poor rabbit kept on getting confused as to which end of the other rabbit was which. it was sad and humourous. in a beavis and butthead sort of way.

then i went shopping and bought some chips to eat whilst I watch the canucks wallop the flames tonight. I like hockey.

rather, I am going to listen to it on the radio. that blessed invention, the 'intraweb' as we call it, perhaps you have heard of it.

anyways. That thing Mira was talking about sounded Uber cool, and I will have to do my best to not get sucked into hanging out on the island, thats what we need in vancouver, a donated storefront. hmmmm...

we'll see.


oh the beer Garden. well, apparently if we harvest said garden with quality, tasty dark oatmeal stout and the like, we will be less likely to be stricken with cancer. i know silly, but read on.






I just got the email (well, it was sent yesterday) that my thesis proposal was accepted!!!!!!! I am SOOOOO excited. I think I am going to go and find a way to celebrate! I think I will go to Tim Hortons or something. there is celebration for you.

I get to write a thesis, and its basically going to be an attempt at a definition of what makes music worship.

wow. I am freakout excited. eprops to Alanna for that word. yes. I am a graduate student. freakout.


(that is me being excited)

subtlety is one of the things I am learning from my spiritual elders.

Father Lawrence

I Just received a reply from Father Lawrence to an email I wrote him.
He said I was insane, but it was loving.

it really is Christian love when it means being able to tell someone that what they are thinking is crazy, and they should stop thinking it. It is quite a risk I think.

I love that my church has no concern for my comfort, only my progression towards Holiness.

So, next time I raise a glass of lonely, weak Ontario beer, it will be to you Fr. Lawrence, and your subtlety.


rain, dark clouds. warm milk. fire.

candles, too many books, phone calls to the west coast, new life to celebrate (welcome to the planet Isaiah!)

I visited my great aunt in a nursing home, she told me she just wants to go and be with our Father, I said soon enough. I played my guitar for her, and sang quietly. she is so old. I prayed for rest for her, and cried on my way home in the car, as I listened to funeral hymns, it was so beautiful. Life is so beautiful. even sorrow has a measure of joy in it. My Aunt, so old, so close to death, is so tired. doesn't have much left to do here, it seems. she can't move much, she eats and sleeps. and perhaps prays.

Old folks homes are so sad, I don't understand why we only get to live in community when we are about to die. it makes no sense. it should happen sooner than that.

I might read tonight. I will go to london in three weeks, and to ottawa next weekend. Lord Willing. to London to start my journey home. It looks like I will be home on the 17th-ish of December. we'll see.

I think I will stop in chicago, and stay with the ex-st.hermanites, the hoogendyk's. they sound cool, and invited me, so I will go. and from there? who knows.

as for thoughts on relationships, ballooning, seeing each other as children of God, and not as in relation to ourselves, well, I know its not possible to seperate ourselves and what we hope for from our actions, so I don't really know how to articulate the way it can happen, but I think it can.

I appreciate what Ramona said too, about choosing to love, and loving the one you choose. it resonates, and could provide for avoiding unneeded heartache.
I appreciate too, what Thomas said, about becoming an adult, a man, via suffering and trials. baptism by fire perhaps.

Oh, and for all you scotch connoisseurs out there, I was given a sample of 15 year old glenfiddich single malt, it was smooth and dreamy on my palette. I can't wait for christmas and some fine fellowship around fish and 'fiddich, or some other sweet divine nectar.

and yes, sadly, the canucks lost last night. it was SUCH an intense game, it was so awesome to watch. fast paced, hard fought, even some fights. it was crazy how intense it was. that dang finn, mikka kiprusoff, way too good. Alex Auld was also great, keeping the canucks in the game. next time. tomorrow night perhaps.

okay, well, if you have any more thoughts on marriage, courting, arranged marriage, adulthood, or anything like that, I am all ears.




Epiphany Time!
So, I was talking on the phone to variety of folks last night, and have been talking about this throughout the week, and something interesting occurred to me recently.
I have a few friends who are women who are really easy to treat like human beings, like the 'other' that they are, and see them a little closer to who they actually are. Mostly that is easier with people I have known a long time, like Biss, or people who wear black, like Sister Angelina, or people who wear wedding rings.

I guess this is confession of the process of maturing, so forgive me.

Some women, especially some of the women I dated during university, I immediately saw in the context of what they could be in relationship to me, not who they were in relationship to God. First, they were someone with potential to do/be something with and for me. This, I am beginning to see, is an incorrect way to view people, I think it is objectification in fact.
I got halfway to this conclusion while talking to Biss, and the rest took a few other conversations to piece it together. A close friend of mine corroborated (sp?) this objectification as normal for guys. we want to get married, so we look around, keep out eyes open and see what's what.

It seems to me that in order to be able to know someone in a way that builds solidly on seeing a person for who they are before God, giving a healthy ground for which to plant any kind of relational seed, we ought to do just that. see them as a child of God first, and maybe only that. If that happens, there will be fertile ground with which to pursue anything that may come up in the future, but it should also allow us as single men and women to relate to each other in a safe way that gives context to know each other to the extent that we won't need to wonder about everyone we meet. we will know, person A is like this, and it would be confusing and strange to be in a romantic/marriage relationship. OR person A is like this, and it might be good to be married, because of this and that, and because we already have a foundational understanding of who we are before God. This frees us to be ourselves, and not become something before a human.

So, forgive me sisters, for acting this way, and forgive me brothers, for setting a bad example.



I was thinking today about a strange fact.

I am an adult. I really am. I am 25 years old. I don't often think of myself as an adult, I feel like a slightly older, better read, more mature 15 year old. I think mooning people is funny.

how will I know how and when to put childish things behind me? its like the line in fight club, when Ed Norton says something about how he can't get married because he is a 30 year old boy. I am not talking about marriage per se, but some days I feel like a 25 year old boy. I know I am not. I am a man. an adult. what does that mean? how is that different from being 18? 20?

maybe five years from now I will know.


it may snow today. I hope so, I can't wait for it to snow. I got a call from my uncle today, so I will probably go down and live with them in a few weeks, and then when they are gone for a week it will be me and my cousins for a week. that will be fun.
and then, the long haul back home. alanna, you should email me and tell me your itinerary for the next while, so I can see where I will be. I don't know how my trip back home will look, still deciding on the route to take. I am going to try and find people who need a ride and can share gas, so if you have any relatives looking for a ride from Ontario to Vancouver, let me know. or anywhere in between in the states.

I wonder if there are any websites that host lists of rides and people who need rides? that would be a good advertising money maker maybe.

peace friends.


the russian monk

I have been reading a chapter in the Brothers Karamazov, and it is amazing. I am so full of...I don't know what, but excitement, hyper uber joy or something. I feel like I might burst! its been a good day. I listened to this CD of liturgical music, and I think that has something to do with it. it is so beautiful. lifting my spirit or something. I can't believe I said that, but I mean it.

okay. Off to class, and then the laughing buddha. peace friends!


Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
Fr. John Scratch.



I loathe the national student loans center. they are disorganized, red tape flinging, typical gomery-ish money grabbing pieces of trash. for the second month in a row, they took all the money out of my bank account, and I AM IN SCHOOL! you would think that after three faxes, and that they received the fax TWO weeks ago, they would have updated my account. no. still taking my money. JKLKKLJJKL:JKL:JKL:JH&IORP DFHS^&N*()SBTDVBASDT VI^&T GB< SDFJNILNILNILR&*)^JN*(#$P&C*(P$&N() *************yhuhfkldjhd;lfkj ;jfo;diasf paoiu:IH:DFHOLUFPO.

thats all I have to say about that. I want to fight. but I managed to express my anger calmly, and not be stressful to the girl on the phone. I wanted to swear and shout, but I was calm. thank God. as if the world needs more stress.


happy halloween

I was glad to hear that our church had a halloween party for the kids. way to go guys!

I will be writing notes for a lecture tonight, how exciting. peaceful though.



okay. So I finally finished my thesis proposal, if you would like to see it, email me, and I will send it. its the 7th version.

and I didn't go to an orthodox church today, it was interesting. It was plymouth brethren. I was almost scared because though they treat communion with silence and respect, they each handed it around, which I know I have experienced, and I know it is a symbol, but being so used to treating the body and blood so carefully, it made me nervous when it came so close to me. not in a bad way I don't think. It was nice to be there, I saw people I knew from before.

I changed the oil on st. herman's taxi, it was needed.I am driving home tomorrow, well, back to sudbury.

I got a bursary! Thank you for your prayers, I will now survive financially until I get home it seems. and school is paid for for the rest of the school year. next semester too. so, that is good.

grace and peace.



ah yes. the home of shania twain. what an honour to be here. not really.
but I might get to see some of the trees I planted three years or four years ago. I also may go and look at junk shops and used books stores. after I manipulate my thesis a bit.

It is good to be here and talk with the Bendell family. I think I am even more open now than I was before to hearing about certain things in different churches. When Tim tells me about healing happening at his church, I believe it because I have heard stories like that about saints that are more believable than the things I used to hear about the toronto vineyard etc, but maybe what it is is maturity? I don't know. But hearing the way Ted and Peggy talk about church and God is a good thing. I like talking about God and church. I think for a while I may just listen though. or try. and of course here I might have to eat some poutine.

Graham, the son who passed away recently left some scotch unconsumed. His brother and I will have some of it tonight in his memory.

whoever reads this before church tonight, after vespers ask to pray for the recently departed Graham Bendell. and of course for sick Dan. poor dan, always sick.

I just had some interesting ideas. wait and see...


electronic neighbourhood

discussion, while good and sometimes fun, is not always love, and does not always reveal God. Love does. Tyson and I discussed this recently via email. of course a discussion. ha.

even my Dad reads this blog sometimes. Hi Dad! though for the amount of hits we had today, I am surprised there was only one comment, well two, but then again I am not surprised. It didn't need much else.

I sat in the sauna today. it was glorious. it snowed a bit in the morning. I worked on my thesis proposal all day in between obsessive email checking and blog reading. when I have the energy I will put it up here on my blog so it can become our next topic of discussion in the electronic version of the thursday night group. it is a little less, though not much, controversial. it is about art and worship in the church.

I am currently listening to neighborhood #1 by arcade fire. I like it. they are weird, but good.

I made greek salad and butter chicken today. hooray for thursdays. I don't know when I will eat it all, there is so much, so I will bring it to timmins. I am hoping to get a bursary tomorrow, so pray for my daily bread please!

and pray for the family I am going to visit. they have lost two of their four sons. one took his own life, and the other reposed in september from cancer.
I lived with them both summers I spent in timmins treeplanting.

well, I must say, I appreciate all of the new st. herman's bloggers out there, its not like being at home, but it sure is nice to hear about your life while I am away from you all. I appreciate all my old blogger friends too, like those in south america and elsewhere, but there is such a huge new crop from church. something like five this week? KF, Qjesse, Victoria, the W's (though they may not be new..) Mira, anyways. its cool. keep it up. I know blogging is kind of a strange thing, but it can be a good thing I think. like Krista francis said, it takes time, and Qjesse said, with prayer and caution, and I will add, just like the rest of life. I guess because its a screen it is easy to forget that it is humans we are dealing with. we need more photos! right.
and mercy.

Lord have mercy.

being orthodox

Phil wrote this. I hope one day to be articulate like this.

I became Orthodox because I want to be right. No really. I want to be right.

The "right" opinion, the "right" dogma, the "right" church, the "right" practice
are all very well, but they are meaningless if they don't change my very being. They become, as the apostle Paul would say, "nothing" or at best "clanging cymbals". I suppose that makes them secondary. On the other hand, when I begin to seek to change my own being they actually begin to matter.

What I believe, what I do and who I do it with affects everything.

Orthodoxy teaches me the way to be in right relation to God, the Universe and
everything. By reading, study, prayer and experience I have become convinced it
is the way of the apostles, martyrs, church fathers, desert fathers (and mothers, for that matter), and of uncounted holy people for the last 20 centuries.

Are there other ways to relate to Christ? Sure. Is my way better? Nope. I suck. But Orthodoxy is not my way. I know it works, so I think I'll stick with it. If someone thinks he or she can invent a better way, more power to them, I guess. After all, if they are serving God, who am I to "judge the servant of another"?

As a friend of mine once said after a penetrating but loving and peaceable
conversation on a similar topic, "I guess it will be an interesting experiment. Why don't we get together again in 30 years and see how our paths have changed us."


Thank you Phil.



Of course I realize catholicism encourages questions as much as any tradition, it was a friend who grew up in a place where questioning was not allowed. this happens in every place as well as catholicism, so he was surprised that I was encouraged to examine and question my worldview.

I do wonder though how much enlightenment rationalism, and augustinian gnostic tendencies have influenced the western branch of the church. and I mean that, I don't actually know. I suspect quite a bit, with the necessity of systematizing eveything, but I hope I am willing to be wrong.

It is offensive that we can't have communion together. It saddens me. it wasn't my idea though, and if you guys had become catholic, we would have had the same discussion from the other side. until I became orthodox. then we would be closer, but not close enough.

no. I will not try to convince anyone to be orthodox who is already a christian (Jessica may argue with that) because if they are walking towards God, seeking truth through Christ, wonderful. I think the same is true of all orthodox. however, I don't think any orthodox would try to convert anyone. I don't know that, but it seems that any disciple making or evangelism is by example alone, and words come after that, as an answer to questions. not often are answers offered if they are not sought. (again, Jessica will disagree, but I am learning)

my friend Tim is a good example. He goes to a progressive charismatic church, and theologically, our churches couldn't be any farther apart. They don't have quite the same emphasis on communion. I don't try to convince him though, because I know it doesn;t matter if he becomes orthodox or not. He serves God and tries to do that more and more each day. are we in communion? no. does that suck? yes. are we still friends. yup. will we one day be in communion? perhaps, and yes. when we enter the kingdom, all these barriers will fall.

the question is is there a wall around a church. is it visible, is there a right answer to the which one is the continuation of the historical church instituted by the apostles?
why would there not be a church like that? who wouldn't want to preserve as closely as possible the faith given to us, with its cultural implications and all.
where did we get the idea that there is no such thing as a right answer to our question of how to do church?

okay. I just talked on the phone to tim snelson in Califonia, and lost my train of thought. but there is some ranting for nous.

peace and love


so, there is a photo, the one I deleted, on flickr, but you need to be a friend or family (on flickr) to see it. its the one of Fr. John and his grandson and a bottle of cream ale. It occurred to me (with some help) that someone out there may see that and be upset by it. if you want to see it, let me know. its really cute.
back to the grindstone.

remember, books on suffering (thanks kim) and flickr.com/photos/pasivirta


Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
are up on my photoblog, follow the link on the right and see the pictures from ottawa. oh, and i will put one here to whet your appetite and give you an easy link.

and, could you give some ideas about orthodox books on suffering? A friend of mine is looking for some, I guess to see what orthodoxy has to say about it. I don't know more than that. I hope to find out soon though.

gender continued...


there are still comments being added here, a response by biss to something ed said. in case anyone is interested...




blast. so, Tyson. I just had a long, I thought well written response. it was a bunch of questions, I will try again tomorrow. know that I have not forgotten.

and, check out this link. who does a music festival on a cruise ship? Dave matthews apparently. goodness. though, from being at the gorge, I am not sure I would want to cruise in the carribean with a boatload of drunk hippies/yuppies.


Don't surrender your loneliness
So quickly, Let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you.
As few human or devine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight,
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so tender.
My need of God absolutely clear.

Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly

~Hafiz ( I think )

comments made on gender roles

I made these comments on Jono's site
hmmm. I sort of agree. however, I want to say that the way that I heard that term "spiritual head" or 'spiritual leader' bandied about Trinity made me think it was so much bullshit.
I think that we have roles as males and females, and that they differ. Men, by virtue of our gender, get to be fathers. women, also, get to be mothers. what is the role of a father in society, in the family? represent the family to the rest of society, defend it from society, provide (though women can and if they are so led, should work, so long as kids are not neglected by either parent as a result of work, on anyone's part)
what does a father do. I think spiritual leadership is not leading bible studies, and praying at dinner, though maybe that is part of it. I think it has to do with being willing to be vulnerable, willing to show what it means to be a human who wants to be like God. show your wife, show your children that being vulnerable takes strength and guts, and faith that no matter what happens, God is able to handle it all. if we are meant to lead as men, I think it is not silly pragmatic things, but really being the first one to admit we were wrong, the first to say we are sorry. the first to go to a pastor or friend for advice. the first to confess sin. be the example, not the pressure applier.

we don't take responsibility for the spiritual growth or development of a woman of any kind, they are humans and as such are capable of thought and observation. I think the key is what they might observe. If we are lazy, and the woman has to take charge, which she may, the kids will see that. If we work hard at life, at love, they will see that too. and, if we take risks for the women in our life, they will appreciate it, knowing that it is not a desire to control or coerce, but a desire to see them experience the love of God.They will experience freedom in christ through the love of their men.
I learned about this freedom that was so Godly and beautiful and overwhelming this summer from Jessica.


well, my thesis is not quite what they need. amorphous and unclear I think are the words they used. hmmm. nose, meet grindstone.


ottawa pt 3

So. what did I already say. Oh yes, Father John scratch is the newest on my growing list of starets and staretsas. It was glorious to be with him and zeke and cheryl. I also had a chance to ask him some things on my own, and he was so gracious. sometimes I feel like I shouldn't even have some of the questions I do, not about orthodoxy necessarily, those I know are welcome. more about relationships, not that we can seperate ourselves into little boxes either, but for whatever reason, I feel like some of my questions are silly. but, then I know people like him and others are always welcoming, so I get to spout off, and sometimes its just a need to be listened to. or heard. and acknowledged? who knows.
boy was it fun.
then I went back to the LLC and spent some time with people I knew long ago, and some I knew more recently. some of us went to a club. yup. a night club. kind of a dumb way to end such a spiritually glowing day, but it was interesting and fun too. I had never been to one before. not like this. it was sad. like, zig's was sad, but it was so obvious. this one, the people seemed to be trying to dance, but it was so crowded, and people were drinking so much, and trying to impress each other. I don't get it. It made me wonder about the educational philosophy behind school dances. why are teachers teaching kids to go to clubs? maybe I was born old, but clubs seem like a dumb thing to do. so, I had a guinness in their little lounge downstairs, and then we moved on.

I got up after a good long sleep in, and then left for a leisurely drive home that included stopping somewhere in quebec to enjoy poutine and old brink architecture. I even listened to a story on cbc 1. I like Ontario, its a nice place to visit. Ottawa was pretty cool, and they have wonderful people at the parish there. I might get to see Fr. Lawrence there in three weeks, I hear he is coming for a meeting or something. that would be rad. one breath of fresh air (english orthodoxy) a month might let me survive. well, it will help anyways. and if I get to see Fr. John again, how rad.

the church had these amazing acoustics, (insert high pitched angelic choir a la simpsons here)
it was sweet. I put my books on the shelf tonight. they are hot. I think something is awry when I think books are hot. too long in the cold north.

I did get to talk to Jessica on saturday, it was really good to hear her voice.

I can't wait for advent, and to be back in vancouver. so excited! but I am also glad to be back in sudbury. I have work to do, and poutine has become my new hobby. for a while anyways. we'll see.

be well,


ottawa pt 2

so, here I am in ottawa.
The cathedral was beautiful, the afternoon was beautiful. I spent it with Fr. John Scratch, a beautiful man. a priest monk. He was married, widowed, and was tonsured recently. the man beams. he glows like phil. only moreso, not to take away from phil, more a compliment.
anyways. we spent all afternoon talking, zeke and cheryl and fr. John. then, he gave us books. not one, not two. more than I can count. three grocery bags, carefully packed. schmemann, meyendorff, vladimir lossky, two volumes of the philokalia, some phrenology (weeee!), lutheran commentaries, a commentary on romans (not barth, sadly) Michael Whelton's book, Two paths, which Fr. said was excellent (!) Fr. Hopko's the lenten spring, wybrew's The orthodox liturgy. more books than I can imagine. zeke also got a huge stack of books. it was unbelievable. Fr. John said the bishop told him to get rid of his theology, and concentrate on the spiritual life, prayer etc. thanks vladkya! when I come home, all my rommates will salivate. I drool just thinking about it. time to go out, part three will be soon seen. it has been so fun being here. man. Many years Graham, welcome home!



is becoming a catechumen! Glory to God! (at Holy Nativity)

his blog is on my list if you want to go see it.


yup, somehow I got to ottawa. what a rad city! I like it here. I drove a friend from school here, and she paid for gas. my trip was sponsored.
I am staying at the laurentian leadership centre, which is insanely beautiful. I guess they got it for like under 3 million including a million or so on renovations and furniture, and its worth 13 mil. crazy. we have a loving Father. He takes care of His kids.
so, I drove here not knowing who I would know, or if I had a place to stay, but I know a ton of the people here, which is really cool. Kevan gilbert is here, Abigail Flint, sister of Amy Flint, who some of you may remember. At least two people I taught IDIS 102 to, Mark Lott runs the joint as far as student life goes, its cool. I am going to go the cathedral for church on sunday!!!! SO excited. I wonder if bishop seraphim will be there. he travels a lot.
I got an email from Jessica, which was good. its good to hear from her. I miss her, its hard. confusing. its like living on the corner of grey street.
tonight I ate hummus for dinner. and soy milk. Its like I fast without meaning to anymore. how weird is that. I am going to go and eat an apple. I like apples. including my computer. I think I might name my computer peach.


orthodoxy, dostoevsky, laughing buddha and beer

So, last night, my "religion and modernity; the problem of evil" class went out the a pub called the laughing buddha, drank beer and talked about dostoevsky, God, free will, orthodoxy etc. It was so great. so great. we got there and they had radiohead on, then later it was arcade fire. so good. the discussion was really good too, this one guy and I had gotten into a pretty good argument in class about the old 'can we be good without God' thing, morality etc, and we were not upset, in fact enjoying the sparring I think, so we talked a little bit more about that too. but we also talked about orthodoxy, and how its so freeing because we are encouraged to make sure we ask lots of questions, so we know why we are doing what we do, why we believe what we believe. he was really keen. what a lame word, but I can;t think of a better one. he said a few times with this strange smile "I like that" because he has rejected his catholic upbringing, mainly on the basis that he was told he couldn't question it. I explained how ideologically, it was more freeing than any other church, or tradition I had ever experienced, while also making sure to tell them that the liturgy seems and is very rigid and formal, it is still freeing too. it was a great night. good discussion, and it seems as though there are some people here I can hang out with, and enjoy sudbury with. Sweet! it would be nice if there were other english speaking orthodox people, here, maybe a convert or two. but that would be hard I guess. maybe they need a mission here. who knows.

peace friends.


no name

I found out yesterday that I am giving a lecture in a fourth year religious studies class in november.

get this, its theme is an evangelical response to pluralism. But, what is so great is that the class is taught by a self-proclaimed pluralist. He is a united church guy who thinks that there are many ways to God, or spiritual experience, or whatever. I hope I can show that there is a difference between what Christ actually represents, and what this guy talks about. funny though that I get to give the evangelical perspective. I guess TWU helps with that.

Jessica and I broke up last week. I got an email from her today, it is good to hear from her. why, you ask? she is episcopalian, I am orthodox. she is a wonderful, zealous Christ filled woman, but our churches differ enough that to continue would become a constant debate, rather than a learning, self-sacrificing (in the healthy way) process. in any case, we are still in contact, so that is good. for all you talstra's and deklerks, moes, et-al, and whomever else it was mentioned to, don't forget the cabin possibility at New Years, snowshoes and all!

I had strange dreams last night. Jeff Martin ( an old friend, not the tea party guy) was there, it was weird. and Jamesmoes was telling me about a meeting with Dr. Snider. how did it go? did it?

I will not get to go to the orthodox young adult retreat in Edmonton this fall, but it sounds like it is going to be so cool. Fr. John Hainsworth is a great speaker, a lot of fun too.

He and I talked about doing a hiking/camping trip next year with 12 young orthodox, calling it the group of twelve, an intense learning experience. body and soul.



poker winnings

poker winnings
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
This was taken in June, when Tim and Julia Snelson were about to get married. I did the caring thing and took all of tim's money. not really, but I did win. and I kind of miss my hair. not as much as I miss st. herman's. which is a lot.


freedom in the brothers K

Dostoevsky and the nature of freedom in the Brothers K, chapter five. The Grand Inquisitor.

He talks about how if Jesus had decided to give in to the first temptation the devil offered him, that he would be taking away man's freedom by coercing them into following and loving him. I don't quite understand, but that is why I am writing.
If Jesus were to turn stones into bread, we would follow him, so we would be full? but, because we are not full on account of constant miracles, and rather we have to work for food and are free to choose Jesus whether or not we have food, because that is now our own choice(food-work{largely})

one more time. If Jesus fed us all the time, we would love him conditionally, because he feeds us. if we are hungry, and we still choose Him, we are then choosing to love and serve and trust Him out of our freedom, because our motives are not clouded by material things? and then because we trust Him freely, we know that in His love for us he will not let us go hungry, like the birds of the air in Matt. 6.

incidentally, Dostoevsky also uncovers the meaning of life. to have something to live for. (just in case you were wondering) see chapter five. in my little grand inquisitor book, its page 27.

the coolest forest ever!

the coolest forest ever!
Originally uploaded by pasivirta.
this is me in a forest on manitoulin island. my first blogger photopost ever. wheeeee!



Hi everyone,
go to the link on the side that says photoblog, and see the new pics!


I am so tired in so many ways. this week was quite exhausting, i don't really remember how to feel. last night, I smoked a clove cigarette down by lake. it was beautiful and quiet. a little silly because I am sick, but it was good to be alone and quiet. of course I will have been alone long enough by the time the sun sets again, but who knows. Lord have mercy.

here's a story about some people I know.

On tuesday night, they said goodbye. it was sad and healthy. like some sad cosmic joke:
an episcopalian and an orthodox meet at a wedding, hit it off because they are both quite zealous, turns out their churches though both christian, have very different theology, which makes for a good dialogue, but also for different directions. so they walk into a bar together, hit their heads, and walk out alone.

of course not alone alone, they have church and roommates and the saviour, but who is drawn together and then apart by God. I mean, I know its not all like that, and that is too simple, but it could be said.

and its so hard to feel.


wet cote

I have had a beautiful two weeks in the west, and now I go back to the cold north.
Christo and Erica are now wed, as are Biss and Phil, Many years to all involved. It was great to see so many people from two generations of TWU folk.

I am going to the greek church this sunday. its all in greek. I can't wait to go back home already. so many people on the west coast I can't wait to see.

I got a full refund for the crappy vonage service that never worked. I have some friends and family who it works for, but not for me. I will try again when I get back home.


remember when we were in oregon, and couldn't get modest mouse out of our head?
the beach was beautiful, a million unique grains of sand, but they are only grains of sand because they are together. apart, they would be part of dirt or dust.
the ocean, big and cold and louder than the sun.





so, you should all go to rentersweek.com because its a cool site. there is a bit of a bug near the top of the page, but its still usable. If you are looking for a place to live, its pretty good. It doesn't really have a great selection or range because it is fairly new, but since I looked at it last, it has grown quite a bit. the langley options are slim, but its funny to see 2 bedroom condos priced between 500 and 5000 dollars. five grand a month! that is a lot. dang. anyways, this website is new and on the move, I have found the simplicity of the TWU rental page nice. The design crew that started rentersweek.com had some good ideas, as does the current crew, but to focus more on the form or the content will be a detriment to the neglected one. anyways, I just thought I would do a little site review, so check it out, let me know what you think.
if you are moving to vancouver and are looking for a place to rent, it could be helpful, and its growing!

peese. oh, and a personal post coming next. I am on my way to london tomorrow night, wednesday morning. I am going to finish my thesis proposal tomorrow. that is going to be an animal-like all out brawl with my computer to wrestle my thesis into the shape I need it to be.


seattle and coffee

I am looking out over seattle, it is shrouded in cloud and fog, it comforts me when the weather is like this, I know it is backwards, but I think its because then I can wear wool and drink hot things and be comforted. maybe even a fireplace.

I am going to do lots of work today, a cultural reading of a coffee shop, and where better than seattle to do said research? fixing a fake bibliography, then my own, then my thesis.
Jessica comes in now and again to say hi, she works in an office in the backyard here.

There is a wedding on saturday. It will be good to see so many people from school ( I assume) at least the people that I know are coming are cool. I'm excited. I am actually a bit excited to go back to Ontario, I know that is weird, but I have not had enough time to myself lately. I love people, as many as possible all the time is the best way. crowds are my favourite, but I am learning I need to be quiet and alone a bit of the time.

I miss Fr. Gregory and the brothers. I forgot that we actually have FIVE english priests in the lower mainland. I guess if you count Gibsons.

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.

oh, and look out for a new band coming out called Maryanna'a Trench. they are going to rock out in January, a couple of guys I know from high school.

on the other hand, I am not at all looking forward to missing St. Herman's until I get back in December. blast. I am so blessed by the people there. If any of you have never been there, go and check it out. I heard that a tenor I know. was interested in checking it out. do it! its so healthy and sane and cool, not to mention it has the potential for beautiful music. Speaking of music, I will have a link to the audio from Biss and Phil's wedding soon, so keep checking for that. okay.

enough ranting for nous.


Many Years!

Many years to the newly married Biss and Phil, I am honored to be called friend.

I am in the library at TWU, and I am frustrated by Laurentian's library system, and how I have three different formats for my bibliography. lame.
I had a most beautiful weekend at church. Confession is the most beautiful thing in the world.
weddings are nice too, two beautiful people got married yesterday, they had gorgeous red capes over their white clothing. wonderful. very appropriate. I recorded the choir, it was good too, the recording will reveal some moments that were less than perfect, but thats life right?
I am going to seattle tomorrow night, It is good to talk to Jessica about church, we learn a lot from each other. The episcopal church is similar, yet still very protestant, but it has beauty and truth too.

I had a great discussion with Fr. Michael today, I am blessed to know four priests, three in my own small church of 150, and Fr. Michael at nearby Holy Nativity. I ate lunch and he taught me and talked to me, it was great. He is wise, as are most people with any sort of age advantage, and a cassock sometimes helps too.

I don't know what tomorrow is, but it is peaceful. Its nice to be here on the west coast again, its strange though. back to Ontario next week. bizarre. so much travelling. a blessing, yes, but its hard to concentrate on school.

I also got to see some old friends from TWU, we spent time together in street evangelism, what a strange and good thing to have been a part of.

back to work.please pray for my friends matthew and hilary, for mercy and peace.



tonight I travel to the west coast. pray for me for safety.

I am listening to the Jesus of Suburbia by green day. interesting.

I can't wait to see you all!



well. last night I went out with some people from school and experienced a few firsts. I went to a gay bar for the first time. I went to karaoke for the first time. just to clarify, no. I do not sing karaoke. well, at least not there. I suppose under the right circumstances, like maybe endaroke in seattle, that would be less cheesy I think, or if I was there with people I knew really well.

It was funny. I went in, and there were like five guys huddled around the bar, a bartender, and no one in sight. so the bartender asks if its my first time there, and I said yes, kind of letting things happen as they may, and he introduces me to the guys at the bar, and I talk in a very burly, don't-touch-me kind of voice, but whatever, I met them, and then I mentioned that I was meeting some people from school there. Oh yeah, its not a 'gay bar' like celebrities in vancouver or anything, its more like a safe place to be with whoever, including all your gay friends. and I guess it is the safe place to meet people to sleep with. I don't know, its such a foreign land. anyways, I made sure it was clear I wasn't just checking the place out because I was curious.

I got a beer and sat down with the girl I know from school, and she walks me around on a tour, as if she is so proud of her bar, which was weird, I thought, but it reminded me of how I am when people come to church with me. so whatever. it was funny, one other person from our program showed up. oh yeah, it was supposed to be a get together for the people in our program, but only three of us were there, so it was us and this girl's friends. they were...I don't know. this one guy talked about how they are all only friends because no one else wants to be their friends and they don't even like each other. He also talked about how strippers are good because they are a known quantity, and how when he goes on dates and buys dinner, he expects sexual favours, as if he dates prostitutes or something. and he laughed. it made me sad. I couldn't believe people live like this. it was their church. they meet, sing for each other, mistake common disdain for love and think that they have friends. I mean, they do have friends, but boy what a strange way to connect. dang.

so, is that really where He would be hanging out? I mean these folks don't think they need anything. It seemed that He ignored the people who didn't think they needed anything, like the pharisees etc, and hung with the people who knew their spiritual poverty. It wasn't some sort of grand mission thing, sort of an adventure though too. but I wonder. I mean, I think we need to be friends with crazy people like this, but maybe not on my own? in a community?

the priest at my greek church doesn't seem to speak too much english. sad.

in other news, I got a vonage pap2 phone adapter, and I hate it, because it doesn't work. It is such a pain in my arse.

I am going to take my bike in to the shop for a tune up, there was a bear in the yard just before I got home last night.

I talked to Jessica last night. I get to see her in less than a week now, I am SO excited.

I got 80% on my first grad level presentation, I get another mark today, so we'll see if I did any better, I think todays mark should be better, it was in my mind a better presentation.

and I get to come home and see many others of you. come to St. Herman's on saturday night, Oct 1st or Sunday morning Oct 2nd and we can all hang out and eat lunch afterwards. peace.