I can't wait to go fishing. It's time to be on the river and be hypnotized by the small waves and the constant focus on what is happening below the surface. And at the same time, the insignificance of it all. What would it be like to not be a teacher, to have less security of employment. To have less money and more freedom. Or more money and less time to breathe. I often wonder about these things. I try to hold it all loosely, but that isn't something that our society values. Often I want to disappear with my family and ignore society. Act like monks. It sounds like it might be the best thing possible for our kids. Our relationships. Our lives. Maybe Birchdale one day.



When did I become so impatient? I used to be so zen. I got to visit the monastery, I slept, I read, I had time to know myself.
Now? I spread myself thin, I spend too much time doing other things. Extra curricular things. Teaching classes I don't totally know how to teach.

I lack patience, but I don't want to pray for patience because the last time I prayed for some sort of virtue, I had my butt handed to me.

Sometimes I want to blame caffeine. I love the coffee ritual, I wasn't a coffee drinker until I was 28 (maybe 27) but now I am a full blown coffee drinker.

maybe it's sleep. I love our kids, but they are terrible at falling asleep, especially at this time of year, when the sun is up until midnight. or so it seems. Here on the edge of MST zone, it's still a tiny bit light at 10:30 pm. So they have to fall asleep in full blown daylight. I can't even fish in the evening yet.

waahh wahh. poor me. Just don't pray for patience for me, God already knows what I need but I'm not asking. not today anyway. ugh. just mercy.


Extra curricular activities, cranbrook, holy week.

It's been forever since I blogged and even longer since I thought carefully about a number of things.

I have been realizing just how much I love sitting at home and having breakfast with my family. I have this year been doing 4 meals per week not with my family. 3 breakfasts and 1 supper. I am doing 6 extra curricular music things. 4 school groups and 2 community groups. That's a lot of time outside the timetable, away from my family. I love spending time with my family. We bike a lot, there's a creek nearby to take the kids to for fishing. tidying up around the house and planning garden and chicken things with Laurenn. Doing firewood, tying flies. There's a lot to do at our house and I have been so focused on these career/work related things that I don't have enough time for my family or to sit still and take a bit of time for myself, which ends up not being great for everything else. I tend to do this, spread myself too thin. I think next year I will do much less extra curricular. I didn't want to change everything right away with the way the school was set up, but I know that I can do it differently now. It wasn't a bad setup, but I want to do it differently. Anywho, it will be good to be able to have breakfast with the family more often. We have these great windows to look out at the mountains. Here they are farther than when we were in fernie, but closer than when I lived in the mainland. 20K maybe.
Pascha is coming and I have seen all of this spreading myself too thin as a part of an overarching pattern of doing things that are satisfying to myself but are detrimental to my family. this is generally called selfishness. That was such a clinical sentence, but it's true. I do what I want. I try to make my family do what I want so that I am spending time with them while getting to do what I want, but it would probably be good if I did what they wanted to do. It's a work in process.
It's funny too, I feel like I haven't sat down and had one of these out loud self reflection moments since before I had kids. Not in this way. Not in the keyboard to narrative way.
An old st hermans friend is in cranbrook for a while, so that is nice. Hoping to have more old st hermanites around this summer. And I can't wait to go fishing. Oh how I love flyfishing. More and more each time I go. I look forward to teaching the kids to do it. (see ;)

A blessed holy week to you all!


Elk Meat in the bag

So, I shot an Elk!

It was a pretty good moment. I meant to write this post last weekend, as it happened last weekend and I want to keep this story rife with detail. It's been a long time since I used this blog to reflect on much and I may get going again. who knows.

So, my friend took my to his secret spot. It's up high, we hiked slowly to get to where we camped. We saw two whitetail bucks on the way up. It's a good spot. We also saw elk when we arrived where we were going to camp, two above us and one below. We were on the edge of an avalanche chute/draw/ valley. It was beautiful and steep. But we were able to camp on an old road at the edge. We didn't make a fire, so as not to spook the animals that were all around us. I had brought the wrong sleeping bag, so I froze all night. It reminded me of the time I slept in -10 weather with some buddies, I was so cold that night, I made hot water with a tiny bit of whisky and earl grey tea. Every time I woke from being cold, I had a little of that to warm me up and I could sleep again. That was the coldest night ever. But this was not as bad, but still cold. Anyway, I was delighted to get up in the darkness and get dressed and start climbing the steep hillside to get to where we were going to glass from. We had plans to get there and eat breakfast and watch for animals. Before we got to the rock, which was maybe .5 km from where we camped, we saw a young bull, not big enough to shoot. We then crept up a small draw inside the chute until we made our way to the large rock we would sit on and glass from. I started to use my new binoculars, looking down the draw, I watched a black bear mom and two cubs play around and eat mountain ash berries and then I looked up the chute to see a bull elk standing there. I hadn't yet had water or food, we were about to settle in and eat breakfast after our brief hike. I saw the elk and whispered to my friend who had been concentrating on getting his own breakfast, he hadn't even seen the elk. I looked at it and instantly knew it was too small as well, looked briefly through my binoculars, and then grabbed my phone to take a picture. Then he whispers loudly 'it's legal, get ready for a shot' and my heart instantly is racing. I was in disbelief. I scrambled to get my pack set up so I had a rest for my rifle, hoping that the bright blue of the backpack and the noise of it moving around wouldn't spook the elk. so as I get set up, it starts to walk toward us along the ridge, closing the gap from maybe 150 to 100 yards. I'm not totally sure. It faced me head on for a while and then sort of was quartering towards me, where I could aim right at it's heart/lung area. I breathed slowly and pulled the trigger. It dropped instantly, rolled a bit and was down. I was in disbelief. how did that just happen? first thing in the morning! not even 7:30 and I have shot my first elk ever.
We then proceed to leisurely take 12 hours to get it down the mountain in various pieces and to the butcher shop. Of course my friend gets to take half the meat, but he only takes a smaller portion, as he has already shot an elk. So I have waiting for me at the butcher shop, well over 100lbs of elk meat. Lots of work, but very exciting. Most of all, I am touched by the generosity of my new friend who shared his spot with me. Don't ask where it is though, I'll say it's in the mountains.



We are buying a house. That's a pretty big deal.


R Nace

I reconnected with an Old Friend who I hadn't seen in a long time, and his ability to cut to the chase reminded me of Fr. Gregory. It was good, I hope to see him again soon, he is a choral mentor to many.
This past weekend I took my band to Whistler and it was awesome, they learned a bunch and I learned a bunch too. Today's rehearsal was amazing, absolutely amazing. They played beethoven beautifully. It made me love my job. What I need now are peer mentors for my younger students.

It was so good. So good. two separate one hour sessions for the students and I learned so much.



Sorry to those that we missed,

we find ourselves visiting mostly with parents/grandparents when we come. That, and I officially can't stand driving here, in fact with the price of real estate, I can't understand why anyone would stay. Honestly, it's nuts. Though change is hard, so no worries. I have stopped trying to spread the good news of living elsewhere, because really, I don't want to overpopulate the rest of the province. I remained surprised though.
I am on my way back to silence, or at least less noise, punctuated by trains, and intermittent deer.

There were thoughts I wanted to share, but I don't remember them. I had a great brief chat with Donovan, and I hope to be a foil for good discussion in front of a podcast mic on day. We will see. I loved what he said about open concept design and how designated space can help kids develop imagination and see and live within boundaries. I forget about this type of living/thinking when I am doing day to day out there, we are busy, and not missing out I don't think.

I am bringing my band back here, to play at Con Brio Whistler, work will be busy for the spring to the finish and the government keeps lobbing little IED's at us. I don't like them. I don't understand why they want to cut and cut and cut.


America IS at war with ISLAM

President Obama is naive. or deceitful.

It's funny, and it took me a while, but, now it seems so obvious, especially with the latest ISIS threat against malls, and add to that the encouragement from W to go shopping in response to 9/11, how can we not see it? The USA (and by extension, the west) is consumed with pleasure and excess, and it is our policy and religion to consume, but nobody sees it. Nobody cares, or wants to admit it, and this ideology wars against some part of the soul of the ISIS ideology of obedience and submission to Allah.
America is at war with any ideology or belief that is not in favour of rampant consumption. It's just not an obvious war.