deconstruction...and feelings

It is far too easy for me to deconstruct all of the things I love to do, which is problematic. I could easily find joy in a number of recreational things, such as mountain biking, hiking, running (which I actually am enjoying lately) watching hockey, playing music with friends, I can't even name them all. I guess snowboarding, snowshoeing, skiing, all of the sports things that are in abundance here.
They could all be called 'meaningless' a la ecclesiastes. But I know for sure that singing and fishing/hunting don't fall into those categories for me. which I find interesting. Those two feel like they have some ontological significance, but is that just an interpretation? anyways, sometimes I wish I hadn't gone to grad school so that I would stop looking at things in a particular way and just be.
Life here is good. So many good things, to be sure. I ran yesterday, and have been running and biking lots, so that I don't even want to have a djarum, but then part of me does want that selfish romantic moment, which is probably still a lie. And there we go again. Overthinking, or battling shoulder beings.
The year is winding down, which is also interesting, the summer should prove a fun break, and we'll see what it brings. Good visits and fishing and biking.
Z has been TEARING IT UP on his bike. I am so impressed with his bike skills, it blows me away. I have videos that I have put up on FB from youtube. He's really getting quite good. So I guess I like biking too, but when it is something for it's own sake it seems a bit weird, or pointless, and maybe that is the entire point, it isn't the thing itself, but the spirit behind it, and maybe the Spirit is harder to see here. or feel. (which I guess is ok, since life and orthodoxy aren't based on how I feel)

Snow is gone/Missing Gibsons

The snow is gone, and the bikes are coming out. The belief system of the community we belong to is coming clearer. I am Orthodox, but I am also becoming a member of the fernie community, we believe in recreation, protecting the environment, mining, drinking, and knowing what is going on. It's a beautiful place, and people are pretty respectful of whatever faith you have, but not a lot of interest in anything new, people here are pretty steadfast. Everyone is so busy that they don't have time to notice any lack they may or may not have. There are also some people who are self reflective, and that is nice, refreshing, but, and I do this too, so don't hear me being condescending at all, it is largely a culture of fast paced enjoyment, or relaxed escapism. I sound negative, and I don't mean to, it's really nice, but I miss Gibsons and the things I learned there.

The City and it's noise.

I can't believe I grew up here. I alway enjoyed visiting quieter places, especially Gibsons. Today, after being a bit overwhelmed by the noise (this place is so loud, the streets, the cars blech) I lied down briefly in my parents closet and was so glad for dark quietness. I miss the sound of the snow, though I look forward to spring. It seems winter might be over but I bet we get one more storm before it really gets warm. Can't wait to bike, hike, run etc.

We have been thinking about getting a dog, but we are determined to wait until it is all a bit more affordable, vis a vis the debt snowball. I was lying down just now and thinking about discipline, hoping for more of it, as I am want to do, and I thought I should start watching/reading the posts of a friend who seems to understand discipline, though I wonder if it is discipline or it is that he has found the benefit of the work of the discipline so he doesn't feel like it is hard work to be disciplined because of the joy of silence.

I miss the silence. but part of me yearns for and creates noise. inner and outer. It's a struggle. yin and yang. I guess. maybe one day I can let the noise starve.

Moving Away

Having just moved away from St. H, I know something of the feelings of a family of friends who are about to move very far away. about as far as you can go, it seems. I feel terrible for them, bad for myself, I was hoping they would be our neighbours, sort of. I know there is a fascinating part of exploring something new, but it's just.so.far. West coast to east coast sort of far. It's pretty brutal.
But it can be okay, in the end. We are finding our way here in Fernie. Looking forward to visiting our peeps in vancity etc. and excited for the road trip too. Life isn't ever what you expect, I suspect.

The Bible as a weapon...

I just read something that tweaked something in my mind. The author said that the bible is not for us to point at other people, but to use as a communication tool, God to us. individually (and corporately, yes, but for our purposes, forget that for a minute)
SO often, the american evangelical straw man is creating terror (not actual terror, though sometimes) by using the bible like a weapon, pointing it's verses at others, when really all we can do is point it at our own hearts. Specifically with the LGBT community, I can read the bible, and it can be God's word to me. It's not me reading what God said to my atheist gay friend. It has nothing to do with them, in fact. Well, what it has to do with them is between them and God. If they are seeking truth, and/or wanting to belong to a christian community, a/the body of Christ, they will have to work that out. I am not a priest (thank God) and it is not my duty to shove any epithets, true or not, towards anyone (unless they are my friends/godsons/daughters and they have asked for it-and even then it's not epithets, it's a talk over beer or coffee) God is telling me to take care of the poor, love my neighbour, and giving me instruction on best practices for this thing we call life, seeing as he made it, he probably gets it in a relatively divine way, and I bumble around and am clueless. It is not up to me to interpret the bible (or worse yet, dreams or direct words from God-ugh-) for anyone else. The only thing I can do is take care of myself and try to do a good job loving my wife, raising my kids and not being a jerk to my students. If I get anywhere close to that, maybe someone will think it has something to do with God. maybe not. But I think that is up to God. or the Spirit.
I suppose that I finally have my answer to my gay friend who asked if I thought he was going to hell, and the answer is, ultimately, who cares what I think? and I said it at the time, but he seemed to think it was a cop out. But it's not, because why does my worldview affect him? I support his right to legal equality, (for a more detailed opinion, let's chat) Nobody should be treated badly, either in school or at work etc. Gay students should be safe in school, just like fundamentalist literal bible reading Christians should be safe in school. (which they aren't, btw)

Pink Shirt Day

So,
Tomorrow is Pink Shirt Day, where we all wear pink shirts to support the idea that bullying is wrong.
My problem with it is that it seems not like a defensive move to support the kids who get bullied, but an aggressive move by anyone even remotely tied to the LGBT lobby. Now, I have gay friends, who I love and respect. One of my friends married his man this past summer. I support their need for legal rights, I don't totally get why they wanted to get married in a church, but that is a completely different matter than the right of EVERY person to have an education free from any form of persecution.
The few gay students I have encountered here in the east kootenays have been persecuted, to be sure. But it seems that it is not different from the way that anyone who is different and speaks out about it is persecuted. A few of my students who are christians have been teased so mercilessly that they are about to be homeschooled to escape what they feel is torture. I constantly defend a student with special needs because others are teasing this one. Bullying has more to do with pack mentality, mimetic violence and the fact that someone is different than the crowd. This means that if anyone is gay, religious, weak, strong, ugly, pretty, famous, or anything other than the majority of the group, they will be singled out and challenged for their difference. I don't like it, but it's how students behave in my classes. It's terrible.
The other problem with the 'anti-bullying' movement is that it is not getting anywhere near the root of the problem. To tell kids not to be bullies or whatever we say to them is completely meaningless. They don't get it. If a kid grows up being bullied (or hurt, or whatever) by their parents, of course they are going to hurt other people. It's how they have learned to live. So its not something that can be legislated or programmed, it's something that starts at home.
In music, I have the chance to teach students not only the form and content of music, but something about community because community is an integral part of creating music. When my groups are larger and voluntary, the doors will be firmly shut to anyone who shows unwillingness to learn how to belong to a group where trust and vulnerability are key values.


Oh, and teaching was better today. It's all a work in progress. Even my thoughts on this matter (pink shirt day) are progressing and I may see it differently in the future, but for now I don't like the way that it is framed. Don't get me wrong, if a kid uses the word 'gay' as a negative epithet, I don't let up until everyone in the class knows that it is completely unacceptable. I did it once in september, and I haven't heard it since. I will defend everyone's right to do their thing, but I don't think that one group deserves special attention over and above other groups. Why don't Aboriginal students get a day to be defended against bullying? God knows it happens.

patience vs coddling vs proper lesson planning

I think today was the worst day teaching I have had yet. And it was uber short because one of my classes was skiing, and I have a prep. The only class I really taught today was terrible, and I couldn't tell if it was because of how I taught it, or because they were being a pain. And I think it was both.
I think I could have taught it a lot better, on reflection, because I basically started them off on the hardest part of the music we are working on, so I didn't really give them much to feel good about, didn't give them any momentum, and at the same time, they were not taking it well, which maybe is because they are young and immature. Anyways, It was brutal. I didn't like it. Though I guess a bad day fishing is better than a good day working in a mine. But the more I think about it, the more it could have been better had I done things differently. I begin to see now how my 2nd practicum really did prepare me well, much better, when it comes to structuring a lesson. Not only how, but why. The first people ranted about the structure being incorrect all the time, without much explanation of why. Terrible. the 2nd practicum people explained and showed me in the rehearsal time, why it mattered to have a consistent and thoughtful structure. Here's how it works (this is partly for a friend who recently TOC'd a band class)

1. warm up 15% approx
-something they can do easily and that is going to get some technical things working, like fingering and embouchre (mouth)
2. Exercises 25-30%
-this might be from a book, or something that they are also successful at, so they can feel good about their ability, and remember things they have worked on recently. Probably both something from a workbook and some pieces that they know well.
3. The New/Hard piece
-work on the sections in the piece that are difficult. Play the whole thing once, if possible, then do smaller bits, and then try to put them together. (this is a very cursory example/explanation)
4. End with something that you all enjoy, so you can end the class on a high note.





This is actually a reminder for me, because I didn't do this at all today. Probably mostly why today sucked. Ah well.




The original question of my post is now moot, because if I do this, I won't need to decide between patience and coddling. I sometimes wonder if I am coddling the students by enabling disrespectful behaviour, but then when I drill them for it, am I being impatient. It's a weird dichotomy, and I think part of it is that teachers have no real power. There's nothing for the students to fear anymore. Some of them anyways.

It's been a day. But as I said, if I had taught better, it might not be a question I would be asking.

Winter, not enough snow here, too much over there

I am watching hockey, and enjoying it. It helps that the canucks just scored twice in quick succession. I remember my mom talking about going to local hockey games on saturday nights in sudbury. I really like the idea of representing your home town, and playing with people you know, because it is the way community would function, but the NHL, as fun as it is to watch, is all big business.

We are terribly excited about our visit home, though we won't see everyone we want to, we can't wait to be at St. Hermans. I do like our little church here in the kootenays, but it is tiny.

(aside, Phillip Phillips's song Home is great, but I am surprised at how many commercials it is in, including an awesome one featuring my bro in law for coldwell banker)

I also want to point out that a friend of mine from high school is currently in LA due to being nominated for a grammy. It's weird. I knew he would be famous, but I didn't know what that all meant. Josh Ramsay, lead singer of marianas trench, wrote half of the song 'Call Me Maybe' (surely you have heard it) as sung by mission's own Carly Rae Jepsen. Anyways, he is in LA this weekend, trying to keep his hopes low I think. Yes I like to name drop at times like this. I got to have a short visit with him in lethbridge last time they toured through the area.

We have been sick, so its been a weird week. I found an amazing store that sells all sorts of furs and it turns out a cougar pelt is worth over 2K. This area is crawling with them, so I think I will make sure to have a tag in case I see one, though I don't think I will go out of my way looking for them. I must like it here because I have plans for the spring, summer and fall already, including biking, bear hunting, fishing, hiking with the family and hunting in the fall. I still hope to get some ice fishing this winter, apparently even the river allows for ice fishing, though that seems weird.

Teaching a digital recording class, off to a slow start but I have a good plan to follow I think.

Had some visitors recently, and it was so good to see them. Also heard of some other old friends from far away who might be moving just a bit closer, but not certain yet.

We have had the fortune of visiting with my cousins from lethbridge a few times, and wish we could see them more, they are great and have kids who are close in age to ours. Laurenn usually works weekends so we just don't have an ideal schedule right now.

There's an amazing thrift shop in crowsnest pass, called Bagatelle, in a little town called coleman. we like it. Have you seen the video for the song Thrift Shop? (It's got a fair amount of F bombs, so if you don't like them, beware) but the message is clear and brilliant. The rapper has other thoughtful songs too, worth checking into. I'm a fan, despite the cuss words. check it out.


If you are reading this, there's a high likelihood that I/we miss you. Thanks for reading. Hope to see you soon, either here or there.

oh and Z turns 4 on tuesday. Craaaaazy.